


Control & Chaos

by xxcatrenxx



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Mental Coercion, Physical Abuse, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:41:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 71,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26690827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxcatrenxx/pseuds/xxcatrenxx
Summary: As the care taker assigned to Commander Ren's private quarters, you expected the new placement to be the death of you.No hell you had been through would prepare you for what awaited within those four walls.Crossposted on Wattpad under xxCatRenxx
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

Hey babes! Thanks for checking out my first fic! I plan to include pictures to give an idea of the aesthetic to help better immerse yourself into the story. Let me know what you think!

Your Uniform

Kitchen

Dining Space

Living Space

Your Room

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Your heartbeat was pounding in unison with the thunderous steps advancing on you. Sliding your hands down your front to smooth the fabric, you took a deep breath to try to calm your nerves before bringing your hands together in front of you. Hearing the airlock hiss of the door sliding open, your eyes bored holes into the floor as you prepared your brain to give the introduction speech you had been provided.

The moment you saw a sea of black engulf the space you muttered "Good evening, Commander Ren." As soon as the words left your mouth there was a pressure around your neck choking any further sounds from escaping. Your eyes were made to look up from the floor and into the black and chrome mask of the Commander. His hand was outstretched with fingers flexed in a crescent that would fit perfectly around your throat. That's when you realized what happened. You, _little insignificant you_ , had startled _THE_ Commander Kylo Ren, and he was going to strangle you for it.

Words gurgled from your mouth "My name is Y/N and I'm the caretaker assigned to your quarters." At that, the force around your throat eased but you were still unable to lower your head to look away. You continued with your speech "As caretaker, I am responsible for maintaining order within this space by preparing all meals, housekeeping, along with any requests you have. Aside from today's formalities, I have been instructed by Supreme Leader Snoke and General Hux to respect your privacy and not occupy the premises while you are here. My personal quarters are attached through the kitchen and the datapad on the table is used to communicate any needs or requests you have of me. After your long travel, I have prepared a light soup for your evening meal. If you require nothing else, I will return to my room for the night." With no response from the Commander or any indication that you actually existed, you bowed your head and walked to your room.

The room you were provided with for this assignment was minimalistic in style. Dark flooring and walls, no windows or art decorated the space, only a clock projecting the time. Your bed, which was a vast improvement from the cot you used to, was covered in grey sheets and a thick black cover with two pillows. A small desk sat against the wall to your right with a few books and a wardrobe was tucked into the wall on your left, next to the refresher.

With the door firmly shut behind you, you took the first deep breath in what felt like a lifetime. Feeling the air expand the muscles in your chest and back, you were able to relax and decided a hot shower would help you even more. Striding towards the refresher you peeled off your First Order mandated uniform, selected the next to hottest water setting, and set the timer allowance for ten minutes. Water always provided you with a sense of peace. Whether it was a shower or a bath, nothing calmed you like water. Standing in the shower, the hot water running over your head, down your face and over the curves of your body, every thought left your mind and swirled down the drain.

The timer beeped alerting you that you had five minutes remaining so you quickly washed your hair and body before the water cut off. Stepping out of the shower with steam rolling off your skin, you dried your body and wrapped the towel around your hair and slid into your nightclothes.

After checking your morning alarms you crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to your chin, wiggling until you found a comfortable spot. The last thought that crossed your mind before drifting into a dreamless sleep was "Maker, I hope I don't fuck this up."


	2. Chapter 2

_After checking your morning alarms you crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to your chin, wiggling until you found a comfortable spot. The last thought that crossed your mind before drifting into a dreamless sleep was "Maker, I hope I don't fuck this up."_

__________

The first week of your new assignment had flown by without incident. You quickly adapted to Commander Ren's schedule, aided by your datapads calendar, and you were able to complete all your tasks while he was out. Your days were very monotonous but you didn't mind; you liked structure and routines.

You started every day by preparing a simple breakfast consisting of fruit and protein blended together, easily ingested on the go. The drink was prepared and left on the counter before he left for the day. He never requested a midday meal so that was one less thing to worry about. You spent the middle part of your day cleaning the quarters to maintain the impeccable shine required for the clinical appearance of the First Order. Honestly, this usually didn't take long because Commander Ren didn't stay here enough to dirty anything up. The majority of your time was spent mending or replacing his clothing. The amount of burn marks, holes, rips, and bloodstains on his clothing was astonishing; never had you seen so much damage from one man.

Once the cleaning and mending tasks were complete, you began thinking of evening meal ideas. For tonight's meal, you had already ordered your ingredients at the beginning of the week so all you had to do was the prep work and let the oven do the rest. As there was a little over an hour before Commander Ren would be returning, it was time to get started.

After years of experience, you took great pride in your cooking, even if it was going unnoticed at your current assignment. Tonight you planned a simple but delicious baked porg with seasoned vegetables. Music helped you focus and you found it hard to cook a good meal without some help. Starting with your current favorites playlist, you went to the kitchen to prepare your ingredients. You chopped and combined all of your fresh seasonings while the oven preheated and then turned your attention to the vegetables. The brightly colored veggies would make the meal look as delicious as it tastes. Once they were sliced, you rolled them in oil and the fresh seasonings and placed them in the bottom of the pan.

The next step was to carve the porg sections and tenderize the meat. An upbeat song from your playlist started, causing you to smile and dance while going about your work. You took the filet knife deftly in your hands and started to separate meat from bone and fat, still swaying and bouncing to the beat. Similar to the vegetables, you coated the meat in oil and seasonings, the smell already intoxicating to your senses. Letting your head fall back, eyes closed, you muttered "Damn, that's good." to yourself, proud of the meal you prepared and all of your hard work this week. After you placed the porg in the pan with the vegetables, you slid the pan into the heated oven and set the timer to alert you once it had baked to perfection.

Collecting your used items, you turned around to place them in the sink and dispose of the discarded scraps still humming along with the song. You started the hot water in the sink and grabbed your cloth and soap to wash the dirtied items. At that moment, you heard a noise and looked up, only to see Commander Ren standing on the other side of the island, mask removed, watching you work. His honey-brown eyes pierced into yours and you were hypnotized, barely noticing the black waves of hair surrounding his face or the constellation of freckles that kissed his skin. Your eyes widened with surprise, the bowl slipped from your hands and made a loud noise as it bounced around the sink bringing you back to reality. He must have come in while the music was playing loudly, that was the only way you wouldn't have heard the door hiss open. In horror you thought _'Fuck, how long had he been watching me?'_

Quickly, you scrambled to shut off the music, eyes lowered to the floor watching your hands fidget in front of your body "I apologize that your meal is not ready, Commander Ren. The datapad stated you would not return until later. I must have misread and I'm incredibly sorry for the mistake." The silence that followed was torture, you could hear your heartbeat in your ears and you were sure he could hear it too.

"There was no mistake with the datapad calendar. My training concluded earlier than expected so I am ahead of schedule, it would seem." His voice flowed across the room and surrounded you, further restricting your movement. All thought had left your mind, unable to formulate a response with only your mouth producing ' _Umm'_ to fill the void of space between you.

Snapping yourself out of whatever stupor you were in, you forced words out of your mouth, "Your meal will be ready in thirty minutes. I will prepare your plate and return to my room so that you can enjoy your evening in peace." Daring to lift your eyes to the man in front of you, you could not believe what your ears heard next. "You'll join me for dinner tonight. Make yourself a, how did you put it, ' _damn good_ ' plate as well." With that, he smirked and turned to walk towards his room, disappearing with the slide of the door.


	3. Chapter 3

_Snapping yourself out of whatever stupor you were in, you forced words out of your mouth, "Your meal will be ready in thirty minutes. I will prepare your plate and return to my room so that you can enjoy your evening in peace." Daring to lift your eyes to the man in front of you, you could not believe what your ears heard next. "You'll join me for dinner tonight. Make yourself a, how did you put it, 'damn good' plate as well." With that, he smirked and turned to walk towards his room, disappearing with the slide of the door._

__________

Struggling to comprehend what Commander Ren said, you stood in shock as he walked away. Pure muscle memory guided you to wash, dry and put away the items. In desperation for a good impression, you wiped down the glass dining table twice before setting two placements, one at each end of the table. Fidgeting with the mats and silverware placement, you felt like you were going to be sick. You quickly glanced at the timer, five minutes remaining, and rushed to the refresher in your room.

Splashing water on your face and neck, attempting to calm your nerves, you looked at yourself in the mirror and tapped yourself dry with a hand towel. After you fixed and smoothed your hair to look more presentable, you changed into a fresh uniform and returned to the kitchen just before the timer buzzed. Hands covered in safety mitts, you removed the pan from the oven and turned it off. As you collected two plates from the cabinet, you heard the door open behind you.

Pretending you didn't hear him enter, you continued to fix each plate with a piece of baked porg beside the mixed vegetables and drizzled both with seasoned oil from the pan. You took a deep breath as you picked up both plates and walked to the table where Commander Ren sat, who was following your movements intently with his eyes. He was casually dressed in a black long sleeve shirt and relaxed black pants with bare feet, his hair still damp from the shower he took while you finished preparing the meal.

You poured two glasses of water and sat them on the table before you sat down at your place setting. Unsure of what would happen next, you sat still looking at your plate, with your hands folded in your lap. Listening for movement across from you, you finally lifted your eyes to look at the man still watching you. "I made baked porg and seasoned vegetables, sir."   
  


He responded, "Let's see if it's _damn good_ then." He chuckled as he picked up his silverware and cut into the tender meat and vegetables before him while you mentally berated yourself for being so stupid earlier to embarrass yourself in front of the most powerful man in the galaxies.

You watched as he slowly brought the cut piece of porg to his face, inhaling the aroma of the seasonings before placing the meat on his tongue, wrapping his lips around the fork, and set the clean fork back down. His chewing seemed like years before he swallowed and looked at you, "That is damn good. Where did you learn to cook?" Taking a bite of vegetables as he waited for your answer.

Taking a deep breath, "I was raised in one of the First Order orphanages. We all were taught culinary and hospitality skills with the goal of making us more... _desirable_. I wasn't selected for placement until after I turned sixteen. There have been several placements in the fourteen years since, where I have been lucky enough to learn and hone my skills for many high ranking members of the First Order." Finally getting a moment to turn back to your plate, you cut the porg into bite-size pieces before setting the knife back down and taking your first bite. It was damn good and a small smile pulled at the corner of your lips as you ate a few more pieces.

His curiosity peaked, between bites Commander Ren probed further, "What members of the First Order have you served?"

This was not the first time you had been asked this question. Your answer was always the same, "I am not at liberty to discuss former placements. I apologize, Sir." This time you took a few bites of vegetables from your plate.

Unsatisfied with your answer, "You know I can take the answer from you." He sat his utensils down and placed his closed fists on the table. When you didn't respond his chest swelled as he leaned forward, closing the space between you. "Now you'll give it to me."

The pressure around your head was increasing, like your brain was in a vice. Then it changed to a growing heat as you felt him pick through your thoughts and memories. Like slipping into a bath with the water too hot, it coated you entirely with pins and needles. Flashes popped in your mind of previous placements; the laughter, the stress, the abuse, the almost family, the violence and manipulation; it all swirled together until it was unrecognizable with the lasting image of Supreme Leader Snoke holding your chin up with a clawed finger as tears and blood ran down your face. As quickly as it started, the heat and pressure retreated and you were left feeling cold and weak.

Commander Ren took a deep breath as he sorted through your memories. Lingering on the image of you, cowering before the Supreme Leader, "During our first conversation, you said you were instructed by Supreme Leader Snoke on how to best provide my care. Now I've seen you serving him. Why did he send you here?" The energy radiating off of him was threatening your ability to breathe.

Bracing yourself for the repercussions on your answer, a sudden surge of defiance strengthened your spine, "I am not in the habit of questioning our Supreme Leaders decisions, Sir. It is an honor to serve him that I am grateful to receive. I do as he instructs, as that is my place. _He taught me very well not to bite the hand that feeds_." Your eyes cut into his like daggers, fighting to keep a tear from forming and you pushed away the red creeping across your face. At that, he relaxed his shoulders and returned to his meal. You tried a few more bites but had lost your appetite.

Sitting in silence, Commander Ren rose from his seat and walked to the kitchen, collecting two fresh glasses and a decanter before returning to the table. He poured a glass of the cherry red liquid and handed it to you. Taking it in your hand, the fruity smell floated out of the glass and was instantly calming before it even made it to your mouth. "Drink." He ordered, so you lifted the glass and tipped it back until it was empty. Raising an eyebrow at you, he refilled your glass before returning to his seat. You felt the liquid flow down your throat and settle in your stomach, bringing about a warmth in your core.

Staring at the man in front of you, he lifted his glass and downed it as well. "I was incorrect in my thoughts regarding your intentions for being here." That was the closest you would get to an apology from the Commander.


	4. Chapter 4

_Staring at the man in front of you, he lifted his glass and downed it as well. "I was incorrect in my thoughts regarding your intentions for being here." That was the closest you would get to an apology from the Commander._

__________

Unsettled by the silence between you, you pushed yourself off the table to stand up and walked to the kitchen "I'm going to clean the kitchen and return to my room to ' _respect your privacy_ '...Sir."

Groaning in frustration, Commander Ren stood and commanded, "Sit. Down. _Now_." With an edge in his voice that made every hair on the back of your neck stand up. Even without the voice modulator, there was something inhuman in his speech. Your body immediately responded and you returned to your seat, folding your hands in your lap and continued looking down at your plate.

A heavy sigh erupted from his lungs as he sat back down and looked at you. "I'm no good at conversations. It's either an interrogation where I force information into my possession or people groveling ' _Yes Sir_ ' as they scurry out of my way. Let's try this again."

You dared to lift your head to meet his eyes. Searching his face you realized he looked exhausted. Truly, soul-crushingly, exhausted. Trying to make the situation better, "I apologize for my behavior, Sir. That was unbecoming of me and my respect for the First Order. I am eternally grateful for the care I have received from the First Order and the Supreme Leader. I would not be the person I am today without their guidance."

His eyes softened at your revelation, playing back the images that he plucked from your brain. "Fresh start, starting now. Agreed?" He asked, moving to the seat next to you so that he could refill your glass as well. He lifted his glass, holding it in the air with a hopeful look.

Not left with really any other options, "To fresh starts." You lifted your glass to meet his, which clinked as they touched, and you both drained your respective glasses before setting them back on the table. Between the drinks and your newly forged start, you both peeked over your walls, just a bit, curious about the person next to you.

"What music were you playing earlier? When I caught you, in what I believe was a _poor attempt_ at dancing." He chuckled while pouring more drinks. Caught off guard by his question, you retrieved your datapad and brought it to the table. Unlocking it, you handed over the datapad so he could scroll through your playlist. Pausing after reading a few song titles, he entered his datapad number and shared the playlist with himself.

You snorted, "Well, the First Order doesn't really offer dancing lessons along with ' _Storm Trooper 101_ ' or ' _How to Take Over the Universe_ ', so I may be a little out of practice. And I don't think you could do better. You move as if your back was made of beskar." Sipping your drink, you glanced up to see his reaction.

His eyes widened at your blunt humor and a full laugh erupted from his chest, head thrown back as he grabbed his sides. His actions almost made the drink fly from your nose. This was a side of him you never thought existed nor you thought could exist. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the fresh start you both agreed to that made him feel more comfortable. Either way, you found yourself laughing with him until your cheeks hurt.

"I've got a beskar back, _huh_. I'll keep that in mind." He shook his head in disbelief, still chuckling to himself. Looking around for the decanter, disappointed that he found it empty. He looked at you, "I guess the party's over."

You shrugged, "Guess so." Feeling lightheaded from the alcohol and the roller coaster of emotions you experienced, you walked to the kitchen, braced against the counter, and started to wash the oily pan. Commander Ren joined you with the plates and glasses from your meal, setting them in the sink. He grabbed the towel to dry each item as you washed them, putting each piece away as he went.

" _Thank you_ for helping clean up, Sir." Still confused as to why he was helping, you didn't dare press further for fear that he would stop.

He looked at you, his hand landed on your shoulder and turned your body towards him. " _Call me Kylo,_ " He requested. "I hear enough ' _Sirs_ ' and ' _Commanders_ ' during the day, I don't want it in my home as well."

Now even more confused than before, "I think I can do that." You beamed back up at him as you spoke. Seeing the smile pull at his lips did something to you that you couldn't understand. "Since the party's over, it's time for me to go to bed. I still have to get up before you to make your breakfast, _you know_." Unconsciously, your hand grazed across his back as you started walking towards the door of your room.

" _Y/N..._ " His voice caused you to turn back to face him, your hand hovering over the pad to open your door. "Join me for breakfast, if you want that is..." Kylo let out a small sigh, "You don't have to hide away from me is all I'm trying to say. Despite what Snoke or Hux told you, _I'm only violent to those who ask for it_." He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to hide his awkwardness in asking for company rather than demanding it.

You smiled at the sight before you, "I'll see you in the morning for breakfast, Kylo." Without wasting a moment, you turned and walked through the door, sliding shut behind you.


	5. Chapter 5

_You smiled at the sight before you "I'll see you in the morning for breakfast, Kylo." Without wasting a moment, you turned and walked through the door, sliding shut behind you._

—————

Although you drank more than you have in a long time, you were surprised to find that you did not wake up with a headache. It was a pleasant surprise, so you weren't going to think about it too much.

Stretching your body, your joints popped as you rolled over to silence your morning alarm. After relieving yourself in the refresher, you brushed your teeth and put on a new uniform. Sliding your shoes on, you strolled into the kitchen to start on breakfast.

You grabbed the fruit out of the chiller and assembled the blender to make Commander Ren's, _you mean Kylo's_ , breakfast. This was going to take some mental adjusting.

Dropping the fruit in first, then bantha milk and the protein supplement, the drink spun together quickly. As you were transferring the drink to the tall glass, Kylo walked out of his room, donning his full attire, save for the helmet which he held in his hand. His hair was slightly disheveled, you guessed helmet hair didn't matter when you wore a mask all day.

The smile spread across his face as he ran his fingers through his hair, "Good morning, Y/N." This caused you to smile in return. He sat the mask down on the island and picked up his drink, chugging it. "Thank you for these. I can't stomach a full meal in the morning and mess hall doesn't offer much else other than slop."

Shaking your head and shrugging your shoulders. "I didn't have any guidance when I started and you didn't make any requests. So I considered your daily schedule, along with your training requirements, and thought it might be a strong way to start each day. I'm glad that you find them beneficial." The smile still on your face, your cheeks tinged slightly pink from the ease of your conversation. "I've also noticed that you haven't asked for a midday meal. Is there a reason?"

Downing the last of his breakfast, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "This keeps me full so I haven't been as hungry. Plus, what would I look like carrying a lunchbox? Surely that would inspire terror in the masses." He sarcastically chuffed. Donning his mask, he nodded his head to you and headed for the door.

The image of Kylo with a lunchbox made you giggle; terror isn't the word you would use to describe it though.

After cleaning the kitchen from breakfast and wiping down the table again from last night, you returned to your room and grabbed a book. It would be a few hours before Kylo returned and you didn't have much work to do today. Finding a spot on the couch, you curled up and started reading. The plot centered around a spy who went undercover ( _what else do they do?_ ) to infiltrate the Tarth Crime Organization ( _horrible name, really_ ) and anything that could go wrong, did ( _as it always does_ ). Aggravated that you had no choice in the books selected for your room, you began to question why this book had been picked at all. In reviewing the cover and inserts, you saw no obvious indications of a connection to the First Order and this didn't seem like 'light reading material' approved for staff that was dependent on your assignment. For you, the rest of your books were culinary-based, cookbooks and the like. So how did this wind up mixed in with yours? That was a question to ponder for another time.

Standing up to return the book to your desk, you tidied your room along with the living space and headed towards Kylo's room. You never put much thought into his room, just picked up the clothing thrown around to figure out what could be salvaged, light dusting, and made the bed. His bed was significantly larger than yours. Given the fact he was larger than the chiller meant he needed more room, but this seemed excessive to you from Day One. You tucked the sheets back and smoothed the cover flat, fluffing the pillows before placing them against the headboard. In the same vein as your room, there was no art nor decorations in his room. His wardrobe was built into the wall, the same as yours. But unlike yours which remained open to the room, he had sliding doors that covered his clothing, giving the wall a seamless look to anyone who didn't know what was hiding in there.

Now that your tasks were completed, you returned to your room, set on taking a shower before starting the evening meal. You grabbed your datapad and queued the playlist from last night, singing along while you took a shower. While drying off, you felt heat flash over you and you started to feel dizzy. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, you caught your breath. The water must have been hotter than you thought, or maybe it was a delayed effect of the drinks from last night. Once the feeling passed, you dressed in your uniform, pulled your hair into a bun so it was out of your face and headed to the kitchen.

' ** _Ding_** ' your datapad alerted that you had a notification. Intrigued by what it could be, you pulled up a message from Kylo.

[CKRen] Subject: Dinner Request  
Pasta

Amused that he finally had a request, and for such a heavy meal as that, you set to ordering the items for dinner.

As you were prohibited from leaving the quarters, all items were requested through the datapad and delivered to you. Scrolling through the options you selected a rotini pasta, a thick tomato sauce that you could add seasoning to, and a loaf of bread. The delivery would arrive in fifteen minutes, one of the perks of working for Commander Ren was priority service. Waiting on the items to arrive, you collected the pots and pans needed for the meal. While looking through your seasonings you heard a _beep_ just before the airlock hissed open, allowing the food to be delivered. Once the door hissed shut again, you turned down the hallway to collect the items. Along with not leaving, you were not to interact with other staff unless instructed by a superior. It was pretty isolating, but you acclimated to it after the first few years.

Unpacking your items, realizing it was far too quiet, you retrieved the datapad and put on a classical shuffle. The string instruments were your favorite, so fluid in their tone and relaxing to the mind.

You filled the large pot with water and set it on the burner to boil. The meat you ordered earlier in the week would be a perfect addition to the pasta, you began to cook the meat in the flat pan, adding seasonings as you felt it was needed, not following any true recipe. As the water came to a full boil, you submerged the spiral noodles and set your timer, there would be no overcooked and soggy noodles on your watch. Slowly, you began adding tomato sauce to the meat, adjusting the seasonings as you went until you were satisfied with the taste. The oven was preheating while you prepared the rest of the meal. Kylo would return in around thirty minutes. This gave you plenty of time to finish cooking and serve the meal.

Panic struck you. Were you supposed to fix yourself a plate as well? He said you didn't need to hide from him, but did that mean joining him at his table again? Your stomach tied itself in knots as you contemplated your options. Deciding to focus on the meal, serve his plate first, and then judge his reaction from there. If he seemed annoyed by your presence, you would return to your room and eat once he retired for the night. You really hoped for any option other than that, your stomach was rumbling from the smell of food in front of you.

Returning your focus to the meal, you cut the loaf of bread in half along its length and laid it open on the pan. Grabbing the fresh butter, you combined your fresh seasonings to the spread and generously coated the bread. With your safety mitts, you carefully placed the bread in the hot oven. Now it was time to drain the noodles, using the lid so the steaming water could drain out. Setting the pot on a hot pad, you turned to check on the bread, just a little bit longer and it would be done. Stirring the sauce to fill the time, you hummed along to the classical music playing behind you. You felt dizzy again as the heat in your head returned. At that moment, the door hissed as it slid open, allowing Kylo to enter. The rush of cold air from the hallway cleared your head and you went to pull the bread out of the oven.

Reaching in, you felt the heat sear into your skin as you grabbed the pan. " _Fucking shit!_ " You screeched as you threw the pan and rushed to the sink. Kylo's hand had already turned the cold water on by the time you got there.

" _What were you thinking?!_ " There was no hiding the aggravation that rang through his voice modulator. Unable to say anything, you focused on your hand and the soothing water. Berating yourself again, you had embarrassed yourself for the SECOND time in less than twenty-four hours. You were fucking up this placement and there were going to be consequences. _Bad ones_.


	6. Chapter 6

_"What were you thinking?!" There was no hiding the aggravation that rang through his voice modulator. Unable to say anything, you focused on your hand and the soothing water. Berating yourself again, you had embarrassed yourself for the SECOND time in less than 24 hours. You were fucking up this placement and there were going to be consequences. Bad ones._

—————

The welts started forming on your hand the longer you stood there. Kylo's voice still echoed in your mind " _What_ _were you thinking?!_ " But you were unable to move, frozen in fear and shame. Kylo's voice was quickly replaced with another from your past, " _What did you think? You thought you mattered? You come from nothing, you are nothing. You could never be anything more than what I make you. What I mold you to be_."

As this memory flooded your senses, you could no longer stand. Completely immersed in your memory, you fell to the floor, tears pouring down your face in silent cries. You curled into a ball against the cabinets trying to make yourself as small as possible, trying to protect your body from the pain you knew was coming.

But it never came. The sea of black engulfed you before you were lifted off the floor and carried to the couch, violently sobbing along the way. Kylo gently sat you down, staying close until your breathing was more regular. He moved slowly to stand up, your eyes desperately met his face. "I'm not leaving, I'm going to get supplies. _I'll be right back_ _."_ He said in almost a whisper before leaving to head to his refresher. Covered in his cape, you watched as he returned with a medkit and began to tend to your burnt hand. "Y/N...You grabbed the pan without a mitt. What were you thinking that had you so distracted?"

Your brain slowly regained the ability to focus, your eyes watching him carefully wrap your hand, not too tight but not loose enough to be ineffective. " _I...I don't know. I wasn't thinking about anything really._ " Your mind returning to the hot pressure you felt before reaching for the oven door. Pulling your hand away from his, you wiped your face of the tears, "Thank you. I'm sorry for ruining dinner." A fresh wave of shame washed over you, dropping your head as you tried to get up from the couch to escape the situation.

"Where do you think you're going?" His voice, now without the mask, was rough but there was something else there. "Sit down. I don't care about dinner." He paused until you returned to your spot on the couch. " _Are you okay?_ " He placed his fingers gently under your chin, to lift your face to his, to search your eyes for a hint of what was going on. You shuddered at the touch and withdrew as far as you could into the back of the couch. The sensation on your skin was too triggering with the memory that was just in your head; you could feel yourself slipping under again.

Stuttering as you fought to get up " _I, I need....space._ " He stepped back allowing you to stand and move but stayed close enough in case you lost your balance. Pacing the length of the room for a time, your thoughts finally calmed enough to form complete sentences. Turning to look at Kylo standing beside the couch, "I'm sorry you had to witness _that_ , it...it will not happen again."

A deep breath helped to steady yourself, "I'll finish up dinner so you can eat." You shrugged out from under his massive cape, draped it on the couch, and walked towards the kitchen, doing your best to put what happened out of your mind.

Before you even left the living space, Kylo was in front of you. "I will finish up dinner. You need to sit down." Without the energy to fight, you grabbed two glasses, filled them with water, and sat down at the dining table. No thoughts running through your head, you focused on the classical music still playing from your datapad, trying to will yourself back to normalcy.

Kylo joined you, sitting next to you, rather than across the table as he did the night before. Placing a bowl and fork in front of you, "Please eat." Doing as you were told, you picked up your fork and started eating. Satisfied with your actions, he began to eat as well. Never taking his eyes off of you for long. You both sat eating in silence for the entirety of the meal.

Once you set your fork down, indicating you were done, Kylo did the same. "Can I get you anything else?" He asked in a quiet voice. You shook your head ' _no_ ' as he got up and took the dishes to the kitchen. The loaf of bread was already in the disposal and there was no mess in sight; Kylo must have cleaned while you were zoned out.

He returned to your side "May I help you to your room?" This side of him was tender, caring, nothing like the reputation that preceded the monster you were told about.

Reaching a hand out to him, he helped you up from your chair. One hand in yours the other close to but not touching your hip, he ushered you towards your room. The door opened before you got there, he must have used the Force. Slowly guiding you into the room, "Can you stand on your own for a moment?" You nodded your head so he could turn and pull back your comforter, although you didn't think you would find much comfort tonight.

He gently guided you into bed, removed your shoes, and tucked the cover around you. "I'll be right back, stay in bed." Kylo got up and walked from your room, promptly returning with a fresh glass of water and your datapad, softly playing classical music. He placed the glass and the datapad on your bedside table, before sitting down next to you on the bed.

A deep sigh left his chest, " What I'm going to say to you, does not need a response." He turned to look at you, a pained expression on his face. "I do not know, nor need to know, the details of your past, unless you feel the need to share. To lighten the burden. _I can promise you, as long as you are my caretaker, you are under my care as well._ That means you will never experience the tortures of your past again."

Unable to fully comprehend the words he just granted you with, you nodded your head to him. He slowly pushed your hair away from your face, you felt the warmth of his fingertips on your skin and closed your eyes. "Now sleep. I have disabled your alarms for the morning as my schedule has changed. Do not think about breakfast or your assignments tomorrow, you are excused from them. Rest in your room until you are ready."

At that, he stood and walked towards the door. " _Kylo..._ " was all you could get out before sleep took you under.

He watched for your breathing to level out into a smooth rhythm before turning the lights off. "Good night Y/N." He whispered to himself before leaving you.

_________

During his meditation that night, Kylo reflected on the images that flashed in your mind while he probed for answers. He was unable to see faces; anger grew in him as he could not identify who had broken you. He knew what it was to have someone invade your mind, take apart your brain for fun, to play with the pieces with no regard for what was left. If he ever found them, he would make them regret everything they did.


	7. Chapter 7

_During his meditation that night, Kylo reflected on the images that flashed in your mind while he probed for answers. He was unable to see faces; anger grew in him as he could not identify who had broken you. He knew what it was to have someone invade your mind, take apart your brain for fun, to play with the pieces with no regard for what was left. If he ever found them, he would make them regret everything they did._

—————

Music. You awoke to the sound of classical music. It was not the usual sound your alarm made. You glanced around the room, eyes finally focusing on the time. " _Fuck_!" You had overslept. Why didn't your alarms go off? Quickly reaching for your datapad you saw your alarms were turned off. ' _What in the hell is going on?_ ' You thought to yourself.

Memories from last night raced around your sleep-addled brain as you tried to focus. Pasta for dinner... You were cooking... The door opened... Heat on your hand...' _You are nothing_ '...and the world crashed around you. Visions floated in front of you, foggier than the others, you remember your hand feeling better, your stomach full, and the warmth of the bed as you fell asleep. But you didn't remember how it all happened and then suddenly..." _Kylo_ " danced with your breath as it left your lips and you remembered. Overwhelmed by the events of last night, you sank back down in bed, pulling the blanket up and over your head.

After wallowing in self-pity for what felt like hours, the lights in your room, mocking the path of a sun through the sky, were bright enough that the cover no longer blocked them. Resigning yourself to starting the day, you walked into the refresher and started the shower. It was difficult to do with one hand sticking out from your body so as to not ruin the bandage, but you were able to shampoo and condition your hair, scrub and rinse your body, and give your brain time to evaluate how to face Kylo after the disaster that happened last night.

When the water cut off, you were no closer to an answer than you were at the start of your shower. After your skin was patted dry, you did your best to put your uniform on one-handed but gave up trying to do anything with your hair. So you brushed the wet knots out and pulled it to one side, to drape over your shoulder. You decided not to mess with shoes and stepped out of your room slowly.

Unsure of what to expect when you entered the space, you could never have thought Kylo would be stretched out on the couch, eyes closed with heavy breathing and a book on his chest. You stood perfectly still as to not disturb him, contemplating your options.

Glancing around the kitchen you were greeted with, "Good morning Y/N. How are you feeling?"

Startled by the sudden noise, "I thought you were asleep. I was trying to be quiet." You looked down at your feet, slowly flexing your toes and arches as you shifted back and forth.

He sighed heavily, "I asked, _how are you feeling_? Not what you were doing." He sat up and you realized he was in nightclothes, a black v-neck T-shirt, and dark gray lounge pants.

' _Did he sleep on the couch all night? Why?_ ' Crossed your mind as he continued looking at you, you realized, waiting for an answer. Deciding to act as if nothing happened last night, you answered "I'm alright. A little off from not sticking to the schedule. I'll get started on breakfast." Turning toward the chiller to collect fruit and milk for his breakfast meal.

"I asked you not to perform your tasks today." More memories flooded in. " _Do not think about breakfast or your assignments tomorrow, you are excused from them._ " Feeling like a pod launched into space before it was ready, you stood in the kitchen aimlessly, unsure of what to do next.

It was now obvious you were not going to be able to pretend that last night didn't happen. Resigning yourself to your fate, you slowly walked to the living space where Ren was sitting, the book now closed on the table in front of him. Unable to help yourself, you glanced at the book only to see it had no cover art or description to figure out what he was reading, only that it was old and tattered.

Taking a deep breath, releasing it in a heavy sigh, you brought your face up to meet his. _"I want to apologize again for last night._ I don't know what came over me. I..." you were interrupted by Kylo, his voice was soft and low.

" _Has that happened to you before?_ " As he continued to search your face, looking for hidden answers. Unsure how to answer, and how much you wanted to tell him in that answer, you decided to give the bare minimum as you were still feeling raw from your break down. 

"Yeah... _kinda_ , but it's hard to talk about." Truthfully, you were _very_ experienced with panic attacks and flashbacks from your past, but this was not something he needed to know. "I hate you had to see me like that. _I promise that is not who I am._ " Trying to save face you forced a smile on your face, though it didn't meet your eyes "I'm cooking breakfast as a _thank you_." As he went to open his mouth in protest, you held up one finger to his lips, "Hush it, I said I'm cooking and you're gonna like it." Noticing defeat in his face, you stood up and strode to the kitchen, collecting supplies for sweet toast and bacon.

Cooking would help you feel closer to normal. Grabbing the eggs and milk, you whipped them together with some sweet seasonings and would use it to coat the sliced bread you used for your midday meal sandwiches. Kylo came to sit at the island, watching you work. The pan on the glass flat top was now hot enough for you, so you dipped a piece of bread into the egg mixture and fried them until they were golden brown on both sides. "I know you said you don't eat much in the mornings, so I won't cook too much for you but you need to keep your food intake up for your training today." You continued the same process until you had a few pieces for each of you. Grabbing the bacon, "Crispy okay?" You asked Kylo. He nodded in agreement and continued to watch you silently. After frying up half of the bacon, perfectly crispy, you turned off the flat top and disposed of the excess grease, returning the unused meat to the chiller.

You fixed the two plates and turned around to Kylo. "Now for the best part," You said with a maniacal look on your face, revealing the syrup and slowly pouring it over the sweet bread. Satisfied with the amount, you returned the syrup and grabbed the plates and silverware, heading to the dining table.

" _Nuh-uh_. To the living space, I need to stretch out and those chairs won't cut it." Kylo filled two glasses with juice and followed you. He spread out on the chaise section of the couch, feet crossed in front of him, plate in his lap. You curled up on the other side of the couch, legs crossed under you, and grabbed a pillow to set on your lap to help hold your plate. Kylo picked up the datapad and selected some holofilm you had not seen before, projected on the wall in front of you. Honestly, you didn't know the holopad could do that and will make sure to use it later.

Taking a bite of bacon, a moan vibrated in his throat, "Bacon is sooooo good." He swayed his head side to side in his enjoyment. This brought a genuine smile to your face. Suddenly aware of his audience, he turned to you, still smiling and noticed you haven't touched your plate. "Are you going to eat or do I need to force-feed you?" His face turned to stone while looking at you. Eyes wide and taken aback by his comment, you picked up your fork with a piece of sweet bread and popped it into your mouth in an exaggerated way. The stone facade broke as he shook his head and chuckled, returning to his plate to try his own sweet bread.

He swirled a piece of bread in the syrup before placing it in his mouth. Slowly chewing, eyes darting back to his plate. As soon as he swallowed " _Gods, what is this? It's amazing!_ " Stuffing more in his face before he even had the chance to chew properly, turning to you in awe.

A laugh rolled from your body, "You've never had sweet bread?" He shook his head ' _no_ _'_ as he continued to devour his meal. The First Order was not known for its extravagance in food. "You're welcome Kylo. I'm glad you like it. Although, I thought it would be too sweet for you." You continued you take small bites of your bread, alternating with the bacon.

"This is _amazing_. I mean, way better than anything the mess hall has ever offered." He said in between bites of bread, "And then you mix it with the bacon, _aaagh_ , sweet and salty." The last bites of food disappeared from his plate and his head fell back to rest on the couch. Finishing your plate, you went to grab his empty plate and clean up the kitchen. As you dried the last items and put them away, you heard gentle snores from the living space.

Kylo Ren had fallen asleep in such a short amount of time. You were sure he didn't sleep much, if at all last night after what happened. Why did he care what happened to you? You weren't special. You didn't have Force abilities. You were there to cook his food and clean up his mess. But yet, he had shown you more kindness than you had experienced in years. Kindness you hadn't felt since the one placement you could almost call a home; before it was cruelly destroyed in front of your eyes.

Returning to the living space, you sat on the couch to watch the holofilm, realizing you missed the entire first part while watching Kylo eat. You scooched over and grabbed the holopad from beside Kylo, trying not to disturb him. You wanted a better view of the movie than what you had on your corner of the couch. Gently settling in the middle, directly in front of the projection, you pulled up the holopad's options and settled on a documentary about life on a distant planet you had never heard of.

The weight of your full stomach added with not getting the best quality of sleep last night, you found yourself dozing off as well. Half asleep, you turned to stretch out on the couch; pulling the blanket from behind you to cover you as you went, falling into a deep sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

_The weight of your full stomach added with not getting the best quality of sleep last night, you found yourself dozing off as well. Half asleep, you turned to stretch out on the couch; pulling the blanket from behind you to cover you as you went, falling into a deep sleep._

—————

 **KYLO POV**  
"Hmmmmm," left your mouth as you stretched, waking from your sleep. Realizing you were on the couch, and not in your room, disoriented you slightly. You struggled to keep your lids open as your gazed around the room. The sight in front of you hit you at lightspeed. Y/N was asleep on the couch beside you, wrapped tightly in a blanket, hair disheveled with her head laying on her arm. That same arm was outstretched with her fingers wrapped around your hand. ' _What the fuck?_ ' Crossed your mind; affection was not a word in your dictionary as it served no purpose. As fast as the thought entered your brain, it was replaced once you saw the look on Y/N's face. She looked peaceful. You could never give someone peace unless they found it in death. Slowly unlacing your fingers from hers, carefully so, as her hands looked so tiny compared to yours you were sure they would break.

As you got up from the couch, she groaned and rolled over to face the back of the couch, leaving a hand outstretched toward where you were just laying. This was unfamiliar territory for you. Affection was not something you had unless you paid for it. Physical pleasures were not a priority for the First Order but you had been known to frequent certain establishments to relieve stress and frustration from time to time. After all, _through passion, you gain strength_.

Deciding a shower was for the best, you walked towards your refresher, leaving her alone.

—————

  
 **READER POV**  
You awoke sprawled on the couch to the sound of running water. Rolling to lay on your back, the documentary was still playing on the projection. Your bladder made itself know as you registered the sound of a shower so you got up and made your way to the refresher in your room. After checking your appearance in the mirror, sleep marks lined your face and your hair was frizzy. You splashed water on your face, rubbing away the lines, and then brushed your hair and put it in a quick braid. Walking back to the kitchen to grab something to drink, you felt renewed after your nap, and hopefully, things would be back to normal from here on out.

By the sound of water, you assumed Kylo was taking a shower so you spent your time picking up the living space, folding and returning the blanket, and straightening the pillows. Standing in the living space, you did not know what to do next. It was too early to think about cooking so you picked up the spy book from your room and returned to the couch.

Not long after, you heard the water cut off and you felt nervous. You had no reason to feel nervous, this is what you typically would be doing once you were done with your tasks.

Pushing down the butterflies you felt, you tried to look invested in your book. During this chapter, the spy had successfully infiltrated the Tarth Organization, posing as an admin assistant responsible for scheduling which provided access to everyone. It seemed too easy, surely the spy would fuck things up soon; you weren't even halfway through the book yet.

Kylo walked out from his room now dressed in his full uniform, helmet in hand. "The Knights have a last-minute mission after Hux failed. I won't return until tomorrow." As he donned his helmet, the altered voice rang, "Do not resume your tasks until after I return. _We need to talk first._ " And he turned to exit before you had a chance to reply.

When the door shut, " _Okayyyy..._ " Was all you could say in aggravation. He had seemed so different during breakfast and now something had shifted, he was distant and serious. Maybe he was just focused on the mission but a sinking feeling in your gut said it had to do with you.


	9. Chapter 9

_When the door shut, "Okayyyy..." Was all you could say in aggravation. He had seemed so different during breakfast and now something had shifted, he was distant and serious. Maybe he was just focused on the mission but a sinking feeling in your gut said it had to do with you._

—————

Unease settled into your bones and you did not know what to do about it. The shift in Kylo's demeanor was brief before he basically ran from the quarters. Did something happen while you were asleep? Did he finally come to his senses and realized that you were nothing and was going to throw you away? He had the universe to conquer, he didn't need to deal with drama at home. Because of your breakdown, because of your issues, he was going to dismiss you and you knew you would not be able to survive the consequences of your failure.

Unable to control your fate, you resigned to enjoy that last few hours of the time you had left in this assignment and headed to take a hot bath. Slipping into the water, the sting on your skin caused you to flashback to when Kylo probed into your mind for answers. Taking deep breaths to center yourself, you forced the thoughts out of your mind and imagined rain falling on water.

This was a memory you had from your ' _almost home_ ' standing by the bedroom window watching the rain splash and hit the puddles that formed on the ground. The continual nature of water returning to water provided you with a calmness you couldn't explain. Almost as if the raindrops were returning home to the puddles they belonged to; even though you could never return yours.

You stayed in the bath long after the water had turned cold. Finally draining the water, you felt heavy without the water supporting your weight. You stood from the empty tub and walked straight to bed, tucking yourself in to enjoy the soft comfort of the sheets and fluffy cover for the last time.

When the light in your room awoke you the next morning, you were groggy with oversleeping. You padded into the kitchen to fix a hot cup of java to break you from the fog. The aroma floated around you as you took deep breaths, impatiently waiting for it to cool enough to drink.

You strode over to the living space but decided to sit at the dining table instead. Legs crossed at the ankles beneath the chair, you focused on your drink and nothing else. Once it cooled enough to drink, you sipped it while checking the datapad schedule. Kylo was due to return from the mission in around 2 hours.

After you finished your drink, you returned to the kitchen and washed your cup and put it away. Your next task was to clean your room and prepare yourself for your sure departure.

Busying yourself with changing the sheets and dusting, even though nothing was there, you able to fill a large chunk of your time. When the datapad dinged with a notification that Kylo had returned, you somberly walked to the kitchen, standing in the same position you had on your first night, hands crossed in front of your body and eyes on the floor, awaiting the telltale footsteps that finalized your fate. "I fucked this up." You murmured as a tear formed in your eye. You quickly wiped it away as you heard the door slide open.

Kylo stomped into the room and completely passed you, without even seeing you. He stormed into his room and you heard a thunderous crash as items flew against the walls and floors. You had heard stories of Kylo's wrath but never experienced it in person. After all, you were only here a week. Snapping you out of your haze, a book went flying out of his door and into the common space, a shriek erupting from your throat as you dropped behind the counter to not get hit. Your breath quickening at the sudden onslaught around you, you curled up into a ball to protect your vital organs.

Now standing in front of you, his helmet was thrown somewhere, Kylo stood panting with his fists by his side. "What are you doing here?" Looking up at him, unable to speak, you opened and closed your mouth like a fish out of water. "Why are you in the kitchen floor Y/N?" His face was red with anger.

"I...I...was waiting on you to return so you could discharge me from this assignment as you are no longer satisfied with my care." Gasping for breath you didn't know you were holding "I was standing in the kitchen and then a book came flying at me so I ducked to hide." You started to uncurl yourself and moved to stand. "I apologize for everything sir. Thank you for this opportunity. I'll return to my room until the stormtroopers come to collect me."

His head jerked to the side. "What are you talking about? I'm not discharging you. Why would you think that?" He stared at you in confusion. Before you could form the words and get them from your brain to your mouth, "Do you think it's because of your episode last night?" He held out his hand, pointing to the floor where you broke down. "Do you think that frightens me? No, no, no. You don't get it. I've seen true horrors in my life. Fuck! _I am_ true horror for countless others in this universe." He was stepping towards you now. "Don't you see that? Don't you see what I am?" You slowly backed away from his advances until your back was to the wall with him in front of you, no way to escape.

"You don't see it though. That's what amazes me." Huffing air as he continued his tirade placing his hands on either side of your face against the wall, leaning in closer, his nose against the shell of your ear, and lowered his voice. "I'm sure you have heard stories of what I've done, you've seen the damage caused by my hands at the request of the First Order. And yet here you are, 'grateful for the honor to serve' I believe is how you put it. Are you grateful? I mean, are you _really_ grateful? Because from I've seen, you're pretty fucking traumatized from it." His breath was hot on your neck as he spoke.

He leaned back to catch your eyes again. "Maybe that's what the First Order does. Strives for control but leaves nothing but chaos in its wake and we are the unfortunate casualties of success." Stopping to shake his head, "You refuse to see the monster in me because you haven't met him. Maybe it's time I introduce you." The sinister smile crept across his face as he went to place his hand on your head.

"STOP IT! NOW!" You yelled before he had the chance to touch you. He stood up straight, caught unexpected by your response, hands pulling from beside your head to rest at his sides. "I do see who you are. You cause havoc. You leave a trail of bodies where ever you go and you reek of the blood on your hands that you can never wash off. But I don't blame YOU for that. That blood belongs to the First Order. You have it right; we are the casualties of the First Order."

You took a step towards him, forcing him to step back in response. "You have been forged into the perfect weapon. A damaged man, made to believe he is a monster for being good at the job he was forced into to survive. You're not the monster, they are for making you this way. The First Order preys on the vulnerable, molding them to their needs and casting them aside when they no longer 'serve a purpose.'"

Taking another step towards him, this time he didn't step back causing you to crane your neck up to hold his gaze. "If you have something they want, they have no problem breaking you to get it. I was broken beyond repair long ago and accepted my fate that I would serve those who broke me for the rest of my life."

Tears now rolling down your face, your voice shaky. "Am I the orphan from the shelter that no one loved? Am I the slave to be ordered around? Am I the punching bag or the whore to be used and discarded when I'm no longer fun? Am I the almost daughter in the only place I felt safe before I watched it burn to the ground, with them inside?" At this point, you are screaming at him, "I've been forced into so many molds I no longer remember who I am. You tell me who is responsible for that."

Both of you stood staring at each other for what felt like an eternity. Slowly, he reached out to you, pulling you into a tight embrace. Surrounded by his massive frame, you thought you couldn't get close enough as the sobs wracked through your body. He pulled off his gloves with his teeth so he had one hand on you at all times and dropped them to the floor before returning to caress the top of your head and your back, easing you back down off the edge you put yourself on.

Once you stopped shaking, he pulled his arms back and settled his hands on your shoulders, forcing you back to look at him. "You are a survivor, that is who you are. The First Order may be responsible for breaking you, but you have the power to build yourself into something greater than they could ever imagine." He placed his hands on your face, his thumbs wiping away the wetness on your cheeks. "Who do you want to be?"

Taking a deep breath, your answer came without hesitation. "I want to be the one who brings the First Order to its knees."

He smiled at your answer. Nodding his head in support, "We start your training tomorrow, little Miss Badass." You couldn't help but smile back up at him. Today went completely different than what you had expected.

Coming to your senses, "Wait...What do you mean training?" Your face contorted in confusion at what you heard.

"Well, unless you plan on poisoning everyone with your cooking, you're gonna need to learn some combat training, defense tactics, and weapons control." He paused to look at you, a sadness crossed his face. "I really hope you don't choose to poison everyone because your food is too delicious to resist and I can't control myself around it." This reveal caused you both to laugh and brought a lightness to the air. "Let's have a quick meal and get ready for bed. We both have training bright and early in the morning."


	10. Chapter 10

_"Well, unless you plan on poisoning everyone with your cooking, you're gonna need to learn some combat training, defense tactics, and weapons control." He paused to look at you, a sadness crossed his face. "I really hope you don't choose to poison everyone because your food is too delicious to resist and I can't control myself around it." This reveal caused you both to laugh and brought a lightness to the air. "Let's have a quick meal and get ready for bed. We both have training bright and early in the morning."_

_________

After a quick meal together, Kylo looked at you, "I will have a droid bring a training uniform to you in the morning. Make a shake for your breakfast as well. You're gonna need it." At that, he stood up and strode to his room.

Returning to your room to get some rest, you quickly found that you were too excited to sleep. Trying to calm your brain, you went through the events of the last twenty-four hours. The catalyst to your rollercoaster was your breakdown, plummeting you to the depths of your misery. Then Kylo's support brought you back to a plateau where you felt momentum return to normal. That would not last long, as Kylo's own words threw you into a spiral. Spinning around and around through your past trauma, present failures, and limited future. Again, Kylo was there to even out the track and he was prepared to help you climb the largest peak of your life.

At some point through this replay, your eyes closed and you fell into a dreamless sleep. When your alarm sounded the next morning, you practically jumped out of bed, eager for the first time in a long time, to face the day.

When you didn't see a training uniform in your room, you walked into the common area to see if it was left there. Surprised to see Kylo already sitting at the dining table, reviewing something on his datapad, you timidly stepped towards the table. Embarrassed that you were still in your sleep clothes, which consisted of nothing but a thin shoulder strap tank top that barely covered your ass and bare legs because you hated the matching shorts.

Hearing your approach, Kylo looked up and his eyes were as large as dinner plates, taking in the view in front of him. Quickly, he shifted his eyes back to the datapad, "Your uniform is in the box on the table. Training starts in thirty minutes."

You yanked the box off the table and rushed back to your room to get ready.

After brushing your teeth to get rid of your morning breath, you plait your hair in two sections close to your scalp to keep it out of your face while training.

Picking up the training uniform, you felt how smooth yet flexible the material was. You pulled the pants up to your waist; they were tight-fitting, down to the ankle but did not restrict your movement. There were little slips and pockets, for what, you had no idea but were excited to find out. The top was made from a similar material. Both pieces were accentuated with red and silver stripes down the length of your sides. Lastly, set in the bottom of the box was a pair of black leather boots. After lacing up the boots, you looked at yourself in the mirror. Dressed head to toe in the First Order's colors of choice, you looked ready for anything.

You could not have been more wrong.

You marched out of your room to fix two breakfast shakes and Kylo was still sitting at that table with his datapad. "Ten minutes and we leave." He said without looking at you. Grabbing the ingredients quickly, you made the shakes and handed one to Kylo, moving to sit down with him at the table. Only then did he look up at you.

Nodding in your direction, Kylo encouraged you to drink your shake. You matched him chug for chug over the next few minutes. You finished first as your portion was smaller based on your size but you still felt like you won. A small smirk pulled at the corners of your lips.

"So, what kind of training are we starting with?" You asked as you moved to clean the kitchen. Waiting, somewhat impatiently, for an answer.

He finished his glass and joined you in the kitchen. "Today is more of an assessment, to see where you are so I know how to tailor your training needs, then we will go from there."

Quickly cleaning the mess, you headed to the door together and you replied, "Sounds good to me." He stopped just shy of the door looking at you before putting on his helmet.

"Outside of these quarters, you must call me _Commander Ren_ or _Sir_. Do not speak unless you are spoken to and keep your answers short. If we see a particularly arrogant ginger, stand behind me and do not look at him. _Do you understand_? "

The authority in his voice sent shivers down your spine. You whispered, " _Yes Sir_ , I understand."

Something sparked in his eyes at your answer; quickly hidden as the mask covered his face. The door swished opened and you were off.

Feeling exhilarated by the offer of training and from being allowed outside of your assignment quarters, you couldn't stop looking around. Most things on your way to the training area looked the same, dark walls met dark floors, capped with, you guessed it, a dark ceiling.

The people scurrying around did not dare look at Kylo, you mean Commander Ren, as they passed. They only squeaked as they ran out of the way.

After about ten minutes of walking through corridors, turning here and there as you went, the walls became darker. You had entered what looked like an abandoned part of the ship. The lights were not as bright and they were further apart, leaving some areas in darkness.

Dread sank deep into your stomach. Surely this wasn't the way to the stormtrooper training area. Your heart rate doubled as your mind raced with horrible possibilities.

As if he sensed your stress, Kylo eased your concerns, "We are heading to the Knights of Ren training arena." Generally motioning to the hall you were walking through, "We aren't the _easiest_ on equipment so the staff tends to stay away from here."

He could see the hesitation in your steps at the mention of his Knights. "They will not be joining us today. They will in the future to aid in explaining different weapons and fighting styles."

Kylo pushed open the double doors to the arena, allowing you to enter first. The room was massive. There was a large open area in the center, you assumed for sparing, off to the sides were punching bags in the shape of bodies, free weights, and a door marked for a target range.

While you took it all in, Kylo dropped his long cloak and helmet and walked towards the center of the room, hands clasped behind his back. "How much experience do you have with physical activity?"

Thinking for a moment, "I wouldn't say much. I do some stretching for flexibility and to ease tight muscles. It's been years since I was allowed to leave my assignment space so I haven't done much endurance work or running."

Kylo nodded, "Then we will start there. Take four laps around the perimeter of the room."

You just looked at him and didn't move, as if your brain didn't understand that he wanted you to run. His head dipped ever so slightly looking at you from under his eyebrows, "When we are training, I will not be the man you know. I will _not_ be nice. I will make you do things _you do not want_ to do, _push you_ past your limits and I will not, I repeat, I _will not accept anything but your best._ " Returning his head to a neutral position, "Now that we are on the same page, I said four laps. Go."

The muscles in your body reacted to his order before your brain processed the words. Starting at a decent pace you made the first wide lap around the area.

"Good. _Again_." Kylo commented as you started your second lap. Your breathing was getting more difficult and you felt your body temperature rising in response to the exertion.

As you finished the second lap, Kylo called, "Good. _Run faster this lap_." You turned to give him an angry look, clipping the curve short in the process. "You just added another lap for cutting short. _There are no shortcuts here_."

You huffed as you made your legs move faster during your third and fourth laps, your lungs were now on fire. Muscles long since used were burning and tingling, begging you to slow your pace.

Pushing the thought out of your mind, you increased your speed for your fifth and final lap. Nearing the place you started, Kylo yelled, "Keep going. I did not tell you to speed up. _This is the consequence of your decision_. Maintain your speed, this is a marathon, not a speed sprint."

Unsure how you continued, you forced the screaming muscles to carry you around the arena one more time. As you passed in front of Kylo he barked his next command.

" _Good_. Now come to me and get on the ground." As if on autopilot, you walked to the center of the room and dropped down in front of Kylo, flat on your back, trying to catch your breath. "Crunches. Continue until I tell you to stop."

Your jaw set in a firm line at his instruction. But you tucked your hands behind your head and bent your legs at the knees and started your crunches. Kylo walked over and placed the ends of his boots onto yours, to add a counterweight in your movement.

At this point, you didn't think to count how many you were able to do. You only focused on his face, searching for permission to rest. After what seemed an eternity, you started to slow and he squatted to meet you face to face. "Keep going. I know you have more in you than that."

The growl that left your lips only brought a smirk to his. This fucker was enjoying watching you suffer. Fueled by his attitude, you pushed harder.

As you struggled to sit up all the way, he nodded, granting you a short reprieve. You flopped back on the floor, arms spread out above your head, trying to get as much air into your lungs as possible.

Kylo moved from your feet after a few breaths and stood next to you. That evil smirk back on his face, he truly enjoyed watching people in pain. "Rollover. Time for push-ups."

You thought about shaking your legs in protest but you remembered his words, ' _I will not accept anything but your best_.' So you groaned as you turned to face the floor, placed your hands under your shoulders, and pushed.

Trying your best to keep your back straight, your knees dug into the metal floor with each push. You were shaking from the effort, muscles ready to snap. You paused when you thought you could not do anymore and a boot pressed into you back.

"I didn't tell you to _stop_. Keep going." Unable to restrain any longer, a groan left your throat as you pushed against the added weight of his boot.

" _One more. Let's go_." Your face scrunched in agony, arms wobbling, you pushed up one final time, yelling as you reached to top.

Falling to the floor as the boot lifted from your back. "Here, have some water. Sip it, don't chug." Kylo handed you a canteen of water. You struggled to sit up, crossed your legs in front of you, and popped the cap on your canteen. Going slowly, you evened your breathing between sips.

"How do you feel?" He asked while watching your breathing.

You looked at him incredulously, " _Like I've never been better._ " Taking another sip of water.

The canteen was snatched out of your hands and the water poured onto the floor. "There is no place for _attitude_ here. Get up."

Anger growing in your chest, you stood to meet him. He sensed your unspoken challenge, "Did that make you angry? Did that make you want to hit me?" His head tilted to the side, arms out as he shrugged his shoulders, " _Go ahead_ , you can try to hit me but any blow you land I'll repay with the same measure of force you used."

Shaking your head, "Then why would I hit you if it only ends up hurting me in return? That doesn't seem like a smart thing to do."

"Your attitude wasn't a smart thing to do either, yet here we are. Your choice, try to hit me or squats until you can't stand. Although, I'm sure the squats will interfere with your caretaking tasks more than sparing." He goaded you.

You pressed your lips into a hard line, "You know I don't know how to fight. I don't even know where to start." You groaned in frustration.

"Don't think. Just act and react. _You've been hurt enough times to know how to cause pain_. Do it."

At the mention of your past, a fury tore through you. Yelling as you advanced, you swung your fists wildly, Kylo deflected each attempt with ease. Becoming more frustrated, you tried to use your legs, they were longer and you thought it might help. Kylo dodged each kick you thrust towards him and a laugh started to escape his mouth.

That was the final straw, you were fuming at his nonchalant reaction to your now boiling rage. You raced towards him, closing the distance quicker than you imagined capable after running laps, and positioned yourself to deliver a strong kick directly to his stomach.

He was already prepared for your lunge, timing it perfectly to grab your ankle and calf before impact and turned, using your own momentum to throw you down to the floor with a hard _thud_. The impact knocked the air from your lungs and you pulled your hands to your chest, pulling the fabric away from your body as you tried to breathe.

Suddenly, your fists were yanked away from your chest and were replaced with his large hand, spanning your diaphragm, "Focus your breathing _here_. Deep inhale, feel the muscle stretch. Exhale, feel the release. Again. Inhale, stretch, exhale, release. Keep going." His eyes looked deep into yours and you tried not to show the fear that brought tears to glass your eyes. "That's good, keep taking deep breaths." He slowly picked up your hand to replace his on your stomach, watching as you managed to finally take in full breaths.

"How are you feeling?" He asked in a gentle tone.

"Honestly...I'm fucking exhausted." You answered with a raspy chuckle. "I'm sorry for getting so angry at you. I don't think I can handle all of this."

Kylo moved to stand, offering you a helping hand up from the floor until you both were standing. "If anything, _today showed me that you can_. You continued to push each time I challenged you. You were able to channel into something deep, something within you that gave you strength and power and you should feel proud of that. We have a lot of work to do on how you use that strength and power, and I can help with that. I can't help you find that source within yourself, that comes from you alone."

Taken aback by his words, you nodded to him, unable to speak.

"I think that's it for training today. Let's head back unless you have anything else to add."

You thought for a moment, your muscles protested the thought of additional trials. You shook your head _no_ , "Thank you, Sir. I need to start on my caretaking tasks."

He dipped his head to you, one final reassurance before donning his helmet and cloak. Your arms crossed securely in front of your torso, and you both walked back to his quarters in silence.   
  
  
  


Training Uniform Reference


	11. Chapter 11

_He dipped his head to you, one final reassurance before donning his helmet and cloak. Your arms crossed securely in front of your torso, and you both walked back to his quarters in silence._

__________

Commander Ren escorted you back to his quarters quickly, as he had a meeting with General Hux and other important leaders to discuss something " _vital to the advancement of the First Order's dominion_."

His massive frame blocked the keypad as he entered the passcode to unlock the quarters. You walked in first, followed closely by Kylo. Securely in your placement, he turned to leave without saying a word.

" _Hey..._ " You called after him and he turned back to you. "Any requests for dinner?"

You heard a chuckle through his vocoder, "Tonight is your pick." And he disappeared through the door.

Humming to yourself, you went to get a glass of water. As a result of your training session, you were parched. You quickly downed a glass and decided to shower and change into your caretaking uniform before starting your tasks. On the way to the shower, you grabbed the datapad and hit play on some upbeat music.

The shower revitalized you after the intense workout so your responsibilities were completed in near-record time.

You sat on the floor to do some stretching while thinking about what you wanted for dinner. Recalling the items stocked in the kitchen, you decided to give pasta a second shot, just without bread this time. Thanks to the bactagel Kylo used, your hand had healed in less than a day.

Scrolling through the datapad, you decided to pick up where you left off with the animal documentary while you started to cook. The narrator was talking about the different calls of a large flying mammal that could mimic human voice patterns.

The water was boiling so you added the vegetable-based noodles and set to making a basil pesto sauce that was one of your favorites. It was light but flavorful.

You had drained the water and were folding the noodles into the sauce when the door opened.

Kylo entered the quarters slowly, confused by the sound of additional voices. He rounded the corner with his saber in hand, ready to ignite it the moment it was needed.

You were pulling plates from the cabinet and turned around to see Kylo, saber in hand, staring at the documentary.

" _I_ ** _hate_** _those fucking thing_." He shook his head as he clipped his saber back to his belt, turning to look at you.

" _Whoa...Wait. You're telling me you've_ ** _seen_** _one of those things?!_ " Picking your jaw up off the floor at his statement.

He shrugs, "Yeah, they imitate the fallen soldiers to draw others in for easy prey." Sitting his mask down on the counter, he threw his cloak into his room. "They're a pain in the ass for new 'troopers who don't know any better."

Amazed that the documentary left out the fact the noises the animals mimicked were screams, you were shocked that such creatures existed in the universe.

You returned back to plating the meal and set the table while Kylo turned towards his room to change out of his uniform. By the time you had set the table and cleaned the kitchen, he had rejoined you for dinner in casual clothes, a black v-neck shirt, and lounge pants. You'll never get used to how powerful he still looks without all the effects that make him _Commander Ren_.

You both enjoyed the meal in comfortable silence. While you wrapped up cleaning the kitchen, Kylo started to ask questions to tailor your training. " _Do you have any experience with weapons?_ " He asked it in such a relaxed manner, like it was a normal question to ask someone after dinner.

Face scrunched in thought, "No blasters or lightsabers _obviously_. I guess the closest thing I have to ' _experience_ ' would be knives while cooking."

Kylo's face sparked at your comment and he moved to join you in the kitchen. "Show me how you hold a knife for cooking." Eyebrow raised, you turn to pull a knife off the magnetic plate against the wall. You laced your fingers around the handle, pulled gently against the magnet, and turned back to face him, blade in hand.

His eyes left yours and moved to your hand, watching how your hand flexed in response to the weight of the knife as you shifted it around. You could swear you heard him growl under his breath. " _We will add weapons training starting tomorrow."_

Shifting nervously, you go to return the knife to the wall. " _We're not done yet. May I_?" He nods towards the knife. Turning the blade to pass it handle first, edge down, you're surprised when he shakes his head. He moves behind you, his right hand sliding down your arm to wrap his fingers over yours holding the handle. Resting his left hand against your hip, he shifted your body so your weight was evenly distributed with your right leg forward. His fingers flexed into yours, testing your grip. You could feel his body pressed into yours and your mind went blank. The only thing you could focus on was the pressure and heat transferring from him to you.

His voice was darker, almost seductive, as he spoke into your ear. With his thumb moving over yours, guiding it to wrap towards your other fingers, " _This is a Reverse Hammer grip. See how the blade points towards the floor? That's the reverse part. Hammer refers to your finger placement, with your thumb wrapping in._ " He flexed your hand to the side so you could see the correct placement as he described it. " _Now, turn the knife in your hand as you would normally hold it._ " His grip loosened so you could turn the blade away from your body.

He began to speak again, but this time his breath was rough and his voice was thick in your ears as his grip on your hand tightened. " _This is a Forward Hammer grip. This is the most common grip used for beginners and offers the most utility for long and mid-range combat. For now, I want you to focus on always keeping your blade hand in front of your body. This is for two reasons. The first is so that the knife is closest to your enemy_."

He guided your knife hand forward slowly to emphasize the focus on the invisible foe in front of you; letting you feel the motion so your muscles could commit it to memory. He flowed with your movement, his body never breaking contact with yours

" _The second reason is..._ " He pulls your right arm back closer to your body and uses his left hand on your hip to twist it back towards him, your free arm following the rotation of your body. " _So that your unarmed and defenseless side is obscured from their weapon_." He trailed his hand up the curves of your side, placing his hand on your shoulder, pulling it further back until your body was as narrow behind the blade as you could be. _"There. How does that feel?"_

Your thoughts were quiet from the prolonged contact of his hands on you; his body, hot against you sending heat directly to your core. "That feels...it feels..." Your eyes were locked on your hand eclipsed by his, around the handle of the knife as you slowly played with the movement. The taut muscles of his arm flexing with each slow movement.

With his body now flush to your left side, you turned to look at him to answer. As he was much taller than you, your eyes found his lips first. They looked soft, pink, and full, glistening as his tongue peeked out to lick them. How had you never noticed his lips before? Looking up to meet his eyes, you were suddenly lost in the dark amber irises that were fixed to yours. " _It feels...good."_

He took a slow and deep inhale as you answered. There was a small, one-sided smirk starting to form on his lips as his eyes moved down to look at your mouth. The slightest movement of his head towards yours made the breath catch in your throat. At that moment, you thought the world would surely end.

The ' ** _ding_** ' from his datapad on the table made both of your heads jerk towards the sound. A groan rolled from his mouth. He looked back at your face once more, his gaze lingering at your lips before breaking contact with you and walking towards the table to read the message he received.

Your body was suddenly freezing from the lack of warmth that was just ripped away. After replacing the knife to its place on the wall, you crossed your arms in front of you, instinctively rubbing them to warm yourself.

" _Nothing can ever be easy_." He sighed, letting his head fall back in frustration before turning to you. "That was Vicrul. _Apparently,_ a few drunk stormtroopers ran into the Knights returning to their quarters and decided to pick a fight. Now, there are three 'troopers in the medbay and Hux is pissed." He tossed his datapad back onto the table and ran his hands through his hair, rubbing his face in the process.

Turning to face you, "I'll have to run the Knights through the arena tomorrow to appease Hux. Will you be comfortable with them there during your training or would you want to remain separate?"

Dumbfounded that you had been offered an option, you were shocked at how quickly you answered. "I wouldn't mind being there with them. You said I'd meet them at some point anyway, why wait? _Plus, since I'm not that great at fighting yet..._ " You paused for emphasis, placing your hands on your hips, " _I'd like to see one of them put you on your ass._ "

The laughter that strained his face was quickly cut short by your stern expression. "Oh, you're serious." His entire demeanor morphed into something predatory in response to you. "My Knights may be the best fighters in the galaxy, but _don't forget who leads them._ " His hand came up to tap his own chest.

He stalked in front of you, slowly backing you against the counter. He gently grabbed your right hand by the wrist, then your left, and pulled them behind you to press your palms flat on the countertop. He leaned down towards your neck as his words sank into you, each word hitting harder than the last. " _I am_ ** _Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren_** _. When was the last time you saw someone beat their Master?"_

His words were making you melt inside your skin, breath threatening to fail you. Unable to speak, you bit your lower lip, pulling it into your mouth. He trailed his nose along your neck until he reached your ear, breath ragged as he spoke, " _Not so mouthy now. Tell me,_ ** _what's my name_** _?"_

His breath was scorching against the sensitive skin of your neck. You tried to move, even the slightest, but he had you completely pinned against the hard surface at your back. The wiggle only made him press harder into you. He moved your hands behind your back, holding them firmly together with only one of his powerfully skilled hands.

His right hand traced up the skin of your arm, across your collarbone, tenderly up your neck until his hand stretched and found its resting place below your jawline, curved around your throat. Gently lifting your head up to meet his face, his amber eyes were replaced with dilated black pupils. His eyes raced between your eyes, your lips, and his hand at your throat, his mouth slightly open. Catching your eyes again he nodded, a silent command for the answer.

Fighting to take breaths, not because of the presence of his hand on your neck, but from the overwhelming desire to please him. You looked into his eyes and everything else fell away, " _Master Ren_."

His mouth crashed into yours in a hard and needy way. His tongue licked at your lips, begging for entrance. You opened your mouth to allow his tongue to dance with yours. Unable to control yourself, you took his plump lower lip in your mouth and bit, just enough to hold on as you pulled away, his lip popping back to his face, now slick with your spit.

A primal growl erupted from his chest and a smug look covered his face. Eyes going from the lips he just tasted to your eyes, " _Good girl._ "

He slowly removed his hand from your neck and pulled your hands in front of you to massage your wrists.

His fingers continued working deep circles as he spoke, "I could _feel_ your fear as I approached you and I don't want you to be afraid of me. The atrocities of your past will be dealt with one day, when you are ready, and I would be honored to be by your side when that day of reckoning comes. Until then, I want you to feel safe, strong, and in control of your feelings. _May I help you with that_?"

Your eyes pulled from watching his hands comfort your wrists to meet his eyes, the amber and honey tones had returned and were radiating warmth and safety. " _Yes. I would like that very much_." You slowly pulled your hands from his; you wrapped your arms around him, turning your head to lay it against his chest. One of his arms wrapped around your back while the other laced up and allowed his fingers to caress your head.

You both stood like this for a while until Kylo pulled away to look at you. Taking your hands in his, "Let's get you to bed. You need rest before we train tomorrow." He walked you to your room and situated your pillows and blanket while you changed into your nightclothes in the refresher. Upon walking back into your room, Kylo sat on the opposite side of the bed and patted for you to lay down. Once tucked under the covers to his satisfaction, he leaned down to place a gentle kiss on your head, inhaling the scent of your hair as he did so.

After saying good night, he left your room and you were alone with your thoughts. All you had ever known was the rough hands of those that mistreated and abused you. You didn't know how to handle gentleness. Let alone, gentleness that came from one of the most ruthless people in the universe. He was powerful, in more ways than you could understand, and you had been conditioned to cower and shrink away from any show of strength. But somehow he made you feel safe and you didn't know if that was worse.


	12. Chapter 12

_After saying good night, he left your room and you were alone with your thoughts. All you had ever known was the rough hands of those that mistreated and abused you. You didn't know how to handle gentleness. Let alone, gentleness that came from one of the most ruthless people in the universe. He was powerful, in more ways than you could understand, and you had been conditioned to cower and shrink away from any show of strength. But somehow he made you feel safe and you didn't know if that was worse._

__________

The next morning you awoke from a deep, dreamless sleep feeling renewed and ready to face training with the Knights of Ren.

Similar to the day before, you assembled your training uniform and joined Kylo in the kitchen. Smiling at the thought of your new routine, you prepared the shakes and sat down next to him at the table. He focused on the datapad in his hands, flipping through page after page of information as he drank his breakfast.

Once both drinks were finished, you collected the glasses and washed them before you and Kylo left for training. While walking down the maze of hallways to the arena, he finally spoke. "I am reminding you, I will be a different man than you are familiar with. Especially with my Knights present; the Force amplifies the energy between us. Things may seem intense but you have nothing to worry about from us."

You nodded your head in understanding. " _Well, let's get started_."

He forced open the double doors with enough strength to command that his presence be respected. As he walked to the center of the room, hands clasped behind his back, the Knights clamored to their knees in reverence.

At his entrance, he was now Commander Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, and was clearly in charge. "Knights... _Stand._ " He turned to look at you, "Stay there. Stretch to warm up." pointing to a place against the wall.

The Knights had moved to stand in a straight line, all clothed from head to toe in black and scattered pieces of armor, their weapons remaining on the floor.

Master Ren's voice boomed, "We all know what is going to happen and why. _I expect mindless behavior from Hux's Stormtroopers, **NOT** from my Knights. _If you want to act like brainless droids, then I will treat you like them. You'll start with running. Go until I say stop." The Knights began running at a brisk pace along the outside track of the arena. Their steps, in unison, sounded like one monstrous beast.

Your place by the door was tucked away from the Knights as they made their way around the track. Kylo watched the men for several minutes before he walked over to you, squatted and removed his helmet. His voice, now unaltered but still menacing as he spoke, "Are you sore from yesterday?"

Curling your body towards your toes, your back curved as your chest approached your legs, "A little, but that's to be expected, _right_?" Rising out of your forward fold, you split your legs to each side and leaned down again, alternating sides to focus on the opposite leg as you moved. "Do you want me to start running after I'm done stretching?" Nervously glancing towards the Knights, who even after almost fifteen minutes at the swift pace had yet to show any sign of exertion.

He paused, examining your face as you watched them run. It wasn't fear that made you nervous, it was curiosity - who were they under the mask and how did they get to be where they are now? Their stories were probably just as horrific as yours and their Master's, you felt a pull of commemoration in your chest at the thought. 

You turned back and realized Kylo was watching you the entire time, probably reading your thoughts about his men. His face was neutral but his eyes hid something. "Only if you would like to or we can start with weapons training?"

It didn't take long for you to reach your answer. "I want to go ahead and get the worst part out of the way, so, circuit first. Then we will have some fun with weapons training. It'll give me the motivation to get through the horrible parts if I'm looking forward to something."

After moving through your last stretches, you rose to stand and set your pace along the track. Quickly, you were passed by the Knights during your first lap but continued at your steady pace; not comparing yourself to them but to who you were yesterday. Today you felt stronger, mentally and physically. It had only been one day, but something in you had transformed; you were ready for this to be the rest of your life. No longer would you back down without a fight.

Distracted by your internal reflections and revelations, you did not realize how long you were actually running until you heard the sound of weapons clashing.

Reality hit you like a brick wall, you were red-faced, breathless, and soaked in sweat. You walked towards Kylo in the center of the room and he handed you a canteen of water. "Somebody got lost along the way, _where did your mind go_?"

You drank from the canteen, the cool water felt like paradise to your body. Wiping the sweat off your face with the back of your hand, you moved to lay down to start your crunches, talking when you could. "I don't know really... I was running... and my brain just... went on autopilot... I wasn't thinking... about anything specific... _just what I felt_."

Kylo moved to squat at your feet, giving you an anchor so you could continue, "And what did you feel?" Genuine concern in his words.

Feeling the burn in your abs, your crutches slowed but you were determined to keep going, "I felt... a _change_..." Suddenly at a loss for words to articulate your thoughts, you struggled to complete the curl up, and you fell back onto the floor, arms stretched out at your sides. Kylo moved so you could stretch out your legs. "I can't explain it yet...but it was _good_...I think." You turned to look up at Kylo standing beside you and his hand twitched at his side, like he wanted to offer to help you up but couldn't with his Knights so close.

Rolling over to start your pushups, Master Ren had returned with his stoic mannerisms. "Go easy, you still have weapons work to do." He ordered before walking towards his Knights, drawing his crimson lightsaber on the way and joined the fight against his men.

Between your pushups, you watched with fascination at their movements. The Knights showed incredible strength in their attacks against their Master. Even outnumbered six to one, Kylo's movements were smooth and quick, parrying, attacking, defending, again and again until he had bested the men, now laying on the floor, groaning from exhaustion and defeat.

You were entranced by him; the ability to move so quickly despite his large frame, account for several targets at once and respond intuitively, and the biggest kick in the teeth, making it look all so easy. You were inspired and angry at the same time.

His saber retracted before he clipped it back to his belt. He moved to pull the men up after their vigorous training, giving each man a few words before dismissing them.

You were now standing, drinking more water as the Knights collected their effects and bowed their head to you on their way out. Which was odd as they had not acknowledged you before.

Shaking your head, you turned to see Kylo gliding towards you, his hair wet with sweat, skin flushed and he was breathing deeply. The shit-eating grin on his face was obvious from across the room.

As he came closer, " _You cocky fucker_. That was a show to prove to me that you could beat their asses. _Mister, I'm Master Ren. No one can beat me_." You caricatured him from the night before.

Kylo was in front of you now, his chest inches from your face but you didn't back away, not anymore. His hand rose to lift your chin so you were looking at those familiar eyes, now blown black. "That _mouth_ almost got you in trouble last night. Do you really want to start down that path again now... _while we are here_?" His words caused a clench in your core at the memory of his hands on you, his mouth pressed against yours.

A knowing smirk pulled at the corner of his full lips, kriffing Force mind-reading powers. He used his grip on your chin to answer for you, shaking your head back and forth. "Let's go play with some knives, _shall we_?" He turned and walked towards a table against the wall, knowing you would be right behind him, eager and excited.

On the table before you lay a plethora of blades. They ranged from small items that were easy to conceal to larger blades that were similar to machetes. All in different shapes and colors, you were in awe.

Your eyes were drawn to a pair of matching knives. Aware of your focus, Kylo picked up one of them and held it out to you. Cautiously, you collected it from his grasp and held it, unsure of what to do next.

"Well, how does it feel?" He asked with raised eyebrows. Taking a moment to roll and flex your wrists, it was heavier than you thought it would be but perfectly balanced.

Looking up at him, "It's so thin, how is it so heavy?" you started bouncing your arm, adjusting to the weight.

He picked up the second blade, "These are dual daggers meant to be held one in each hand. They are primarily used in close combat by those that are quick and agile, as it leaves no place for a blocked defense."

You both walked out to the middle of the room to stand a few feet apart. "We will start with one dagger so that you can build a foundation before we add flair." He deftly maneuvered the dagger, illustrating different grips and attacks. You modeled his movements, although you looked much more awkward and moved slower through the transitions. Occasionally, he would move to help your form and position; a hand here and a hand there, but not getting as close as he did the night before.

Unsure of the amount of time that had passed during your training, his communicator alerted him that his presence was required by General Hux. " _Time to go_." He called from beside the table. You strode over, face flushed pink and dewy with sweat, and returned the dagger to the table.

He donned his mask and you both left the arena. You felt different, calmer maybe, but you weren't quite sure. 

Much like the day before, Kylo walked with you back to his quarters before leaving to deal with Hux. After a quick shower, you set to your tasks. Not long after you finished, Kylo returned in a fury.

His anger was palpable as he stormed into the room and directly to his refresher. Thinking to yourself, ' _The meeting with Hux must not have gone well_.' You set to preparing dinner, hoping food would help calm him down.

You ordered bantha steaks and would make seasoned vegetables to complement it. The items were delivered quickly and you prepped the vegetables. The meal would not take long to cook so you would start cooking once he joined you.

Over an hour had passed with no appearance from Kylo. Worried by the strange behavior, you hesitantly walked towards his room, the door slightly ajar. Through the crack you could see him sitting on the edge of his bed, his head hung low in his hands. His mask and cloak were discarded on the floor. You could see tears in his clothing, blood seeping from an open wound.

" _Kylo..._ " you whispered, voice trembling. You had seen his clothing in shambles before, but never had you seen him in such a state.

He froze at the sound of your voice. "What are you doing in here?" He never turned to look at you while he spoke.

Stiffening at his cold demeanor, "I apologize for the intrusion. I was concerned when you did not come out for dinner." He did not move nor respond, only continued staring at the floor with shuttered breaths.

You gently pushed the door open a bit more. " _Kylo...you're bleeding. What happened?_ " Walking with apprehension, you slowly moved deeper into the room.

He looked up at you when you moved in front of him. His typically amber eyes were dark, burdened with something you couldn't place. " _I feel like I'm being torn apart_. I feel it, the light and the dark, _both have their claws in me._ " Pausing to take a deep breath, " _I want to be free of this pain._ " His face was desperate for an answer that you couldn't give him.

You smoothed the hair out of his face so that you could caress his trembling skin. "Tell me, what happened?"

He wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you closer. Taking a few shuddering breaths before he began his story, "I left here to meet with Hux. He had detained a Resistance member and needed my _skills_ for interrogation. He didn't have any information but Hux was insistent to continue. I turned my back to tell the ginger bastard to _fuck off_ and somehow the idiot got out of restraints and stabbed me in the back, ' _We will not be intimidated by the First Order._ ' Normally, I would have snapped his neck that instant but I hesitated. _Something held me back_. I used restraint instead of giving in to the power of the dark side. He still has his life, but he won't be using his hands again." 

He rolled his shoulders, wincing at the movement as if he forgot his back was injured. "Supreme Leader Snoke sensed my hesitation and summoned me. He berated me like I was a _child_. 'The pull to the light... _Let the past die._ ' I swear, I could have cut him down right then and there."

Gripping your shirt tighter, his fingers dug into your sides, trying to keep in touch with sanity. " _I can't keep going on like this._ "

Your heart broke at his words. Unable to take the pain away, you focused on what you could do to help him at this moment. That would be tending to his wound and cleaning him up.

Pulling him in closer, allowing him to bury his face into your torso, you played with his hair until his breathing evened.

"Let me clean your back and get you some fresh clothes." You felt him nod against you and his hands fell away, landing heavily in his lap. After collecting the medical kit from the refresher, you grabbed what you hoped was loose clothing and returned to him, still sitting on the bed.

He looked up at you, waiting for instruction. "Help me remove your shirt." You pinched the bottom hem of his shirt and lifted it tenderly over the gash on his back and he shrugged it off of his arms. In shock, your eyes moved over each scar that littered his skin, all too similar to your own.

Tending to the wound, you used a warm cloth to wipe away the excess blood so you could see the extent of his injury. Sustained pressure slowed the blood flow enough to properly dress it. He may have needed stitches but you knew he wouldn't go to the medbay. You hoped the bactagel would be enough to repair the flesh underneath but the injury would add another scar to his collection.

You disposed of the used items and returned to kneel in front of him. Methodically unlacing his boots, you slid them off his feet and placed them in his closet and his socks in the hamper. You extended your hands out towards him, a silent request to stand.

He grabbed your hands firmly, as if he was on the edge of a precipice and you were the only thing that kept him from falling, and stood at the edge of the bed.

His chest was equally as decorated as his back. You were unsure of his boundaries which caused you to halt right before touching the waistline of his pants. He extended his hands to touch your forearms, slowly pulling your hands towards his skin, giving you permission to continue.

You delicately maneuvered your fingers to dip into his pants, careful to stay on the outside of his underwear. Slowly, you moved the pants down over his thighs and calves, squatting to help withdrawal one leg at a time. You pulled the lounge pants off the edge of the bed and slid them over his feet, situating them so you could tie the drawstring at his waist as you stood in front of him. When you reached for his shirt on the bed he gripped your wrist, " _No_. I don't want anything to touch it."

Nodding to him, you unwrapped his fingers from your wrist to hold his hands, "Well, come on. I've got a meal to cook." and you led him to the kitchen.

You prepared the meal quickly, all the while Kylo didn't let you leave his sight. He moved to join you while you plated the steaks and vegetables. Standing behind you, he placed his hands on your hips and his chin on your shoulder, " _Thank you...for everything_." He kissed your neck before retrieving drinks and setting the table.

Collecting the plates, you moved to the table and joined him. He had selected some classical music to play on his datapad to fill the silence as you ate.

"I don't know how you do it." He shook his head as he leaned back in his chair. Caught off guard by his sudden speech, you scrunched your face with a full mouth, prompting him to elaborate.

Running his fingers through his hair, the muscles flexing in his chest and arm as he did so, " _I don't know how you make food taste so damn good_." He laughed.

Your heart swelled at the ease in which he spoke, the pain from earlier now lessened. Squinting your eyes suspiciously, "I'll _never_ give up my secrets." and matched his laughter.

He leaned forward, taking your hand from the table and weaving it in his. "I guess if you won't tell me, I have no other choice but to never let you go." The last words were warm on your skin as he pulled it to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on the back of your hand, running his lower lip along your thumb before placing your hands back on the table.

" _I give you my sincerest gratitude for the kindness you have shown me. It is not the treatment I am accustomed to. You may not have had a choice in the decision of your placement, in your servitude to the First Order, but I give you the choice now_." The words hung heavy in the air. You had the choice to do what - to stay? To leave? To fight? No one had allowed you the agency to make your own decisions and now that you had the power, it scared you more than you ever imagined possible.

Voice wavering as you spoke, "I...I don't know what to say." You stood and pulled him towards the couch keeping a hold on his hand as you both settled into the soft surface. "You had a glimpse of the horrors in my past, but there are many more atrocities locked and buried away. I have never been given a choice and now that I have, _I don't know if I have the strength to do it._ "

Looking down at his large fingers intertwined with yours, "I am not familiar with the good in the universe as I've only experienced the worst it has to offer. But I know that _this..._ " squeezing his hand, " _this, feels good_." Trailing your eyes back up to meet his, now sweet with rich honey tones, " _I choose this._ "

Slowly leaning up to his face, you placed a tender kiss on his cheek, pulling back to rest your forehead against his. His free hand pushed your hair back, leaving his hand on your face, his thumb tickled as it caressed your skin.

" _I choose you_." His words rang in your ears as his lips crashed into yours, desperate and needy. Your tongue met his with equal ferocity. His massive frame pushed you onto your back flat on the couch. He supported himself with one knee between your legs, his other leg on the floor with one hand braced above your head. His free hand wandered over your skin, palming at your breasts, holding your face, running down to your hips. The knee he used to support himself was pressed hard against the apex of your thighs, the pressure caused a heat to grow as you rolled your hips against it. His breath caught in his throat when you bit his lip, teasing it with your teeth. A growl rumbled in his chest as he opened his eyes to look at you, his lip still in your hold. A smirk pulled at the sides of your mouth as you finally let it go.

His face was inches from yours, "You like biting me, don't you? _Let's see how you like it._ " He continued kissing you, hungry for more of you, and bit softly into your lip at first, gauging your reaction. As you pushed deeper into the kiss, he increased his zeal; his hand clasped around your jaw holding your face to his as he bit harder at your lip. He nipped from your lips, to your jaw, and finally your neck, his hair brushed against your face as he moved. You took your hands and tangled them in his hair, the more he moved the more pressure he placed against your throbbing core.

He groaned and pushed himself back to sitting. Running his hands over his face and through his hair, he growled into the air again. _"I'm no good at this._ I take things by force, gentleness is not something that comes naturally to me anymore. But I want to be gentle, _I want to be gentle for you._ "

You moved to sit up, desperate for more of his touch. "I don't know if gentle is what I want, what I need. All I've known are the cruel hands of those who would do me harm for their own pleasure, caring not for my own." Looking down as your face blushed, "I've never... known ... pleasure, _only pain_. I don't know if it's something my body is capable of. Something my mind would accept."

The words stirred something deep in him. The sentiment echoed his own feelings. Out of survival, he learned to equate fear with affection, pain with pleasure. Surely there was a way to navigate to neutral ground, weaving between the suffering they knew and the happiness they were told they didn't deserve.

He stood and picked you up, wrapping your legs around him as he made his way back to his bedroom, your arms wrapped around his neck, your face nuzzled into his hair. Pulling the covers back, he sat you down on the side of the bed. He kneeled to remove your shoes and socks and tossed them to the side. He moved and offered you a hand to stand.

Once standing, he returned the tender efforts you gave him earlier, slowly pulling the waistband away from your skin and gliding them down your legs, leaving your black underwear in place untouched. After you stepped out of the pants, his hands traced up and down the bare skin, marked with scars. He looked up at you from the floor, pressing soft kisses on random scars as he moved to stand.

Silently, he waited for approval to continue. You took a deep breath and nodded. His hands slowly moved to your top. Careful in his movements, he lifted the shirt over your head and threw it in the pile. Left in nothing but your black compression bra and underwear, he stood taking you in. Your torso, akin to your legs, was covered in scars and burn marks, proof of your hard-learned lessons. Your hands moved to relieve yourself of the final piece of clothing covering your chest, you hated sleeping in a bra. His gaze averted as you moved, respecting a small amount of modesty. You chuckled at his courtesy.

To this, he returned his gaze to you as you tossed the fabric to the growing pile. His eyes floated over the exposed flesh and his breath grew heavy. With every ounce of control he could muster, he picked up his shirt from off the bed and slid it over your head, holding it out so you could weave your arms through the sleeves. His shirt engulfed your frame as it settled.

He pressed his hand to your chest, forcing you back to the bed to sit as your knees buckled at the mattress. Turning to tuck your legs under the soft black sheets, he again pressed your chest until you were flat in his bed, pulling the blanket up to cover your torso.

After moving to the opposite side of the bed, he stretched out under the covers and pulled you close to him. One of his strong arms laid under your head, the other over your waist with his hand grazing your fingers. You felt safe, tightly wrapped in his arms. His leg weaved between yours, demanding more contact, his skin needed to feel yours. The weight of his body pressed against yours calmed the storm in your mind, providing you with a sense of serenity you didn't know existed.

" _Sleep now_." He murmured into your neck, his breath warm as he spoke. You nestled your back into his chest, knowing you couldn't get any closer than you already were. Your mind sought confirmation he was really there, that this wasn't some horrible trick, that someone wasn't going to rip the rug out from under you and torture for the joy you felt at this moment.

He had heard your fears and squeezed you tighter, " _There is no one coming to take you away from this. It's just you and me. We are in this together, helping the other to become the person they were meant to be. Now, get some rest_." He playfully bit at your shoulder before placing a kiss on it and nuzzling back into your hair. His rhythmic breathing provided an anchor and you fell asleep with a smile on your face.


	13. Chapter 13

_He had heard your fears and squeezed you tighter, "There is no one coming to take you away from this. It's just you and me. We are in this together, helping the other to become the person they were meant to be. Now, get some rest." He playfully bit at your shoulder before placing a kiss on it and nuzzling back into your hair. His rhythmic breathing provided an anchor and you fell asleep with a smile on your face._

__________

You felt heat on your skin, growing from a distant flame to an all encompassing inferno. The screams broke in your throat and no sound escaped. Body convulsing from the pain, you writhed on the metal floor. The cold caress of the metal against your burning skin sunk into your bones and you were sure they would shatter.

"Who do you serve?"

The pain was relentless. It overtook your senses; you were unable to see, unable to feel anything but pain, unable to hear anything except the voice in your head.

" _Who do you serve? Answer me, child!_ "

Choking out the words, "You! I ... serve ... _YOU!_ " Your sobs racked through your body as your mind was torn apart. The pieces were strewn across the galaxies, never to be seen again.

Your eyes shot open and you were alone in a dark room. Your body was paralyzed from the nightmare, unable to scream, to cry, to call for help.

Trying to ground yourself until the paralysis lifted, you focused on the feel of the fabric on your skin. It was smooth, soft and light. You could barely feel it on your arms and legs yet it provided a cool sensation against your warm skin.

A deep rumble came from the darkness to your left, like a snarling monster coming to collect you and drag you back to Hell. Your heart raced and your mind was clouded with panic.

Finally able to wiggle your fingers, you focused on flexing the ascending muscles until you had regained control of your body.

Collecting any strength you had left, you turned to look towards the beast. The only light available was from the dimmed strip that ran the length of the wall above you, casting monstrous shadows. As your eyes focused in the dark room, you were able to see a large mass, slowly rising and falling.

Searching the span of the mass, the pale color contrasting with the black sheets, your heart calmed when you realized it was Kylo and he was snoring. He was laying on his side, back towards you with the cover pushed down to his hips. His hair was messy, splayed in different directions on his pillow.

The clock on the wall showed you had a few more hours before you needed to be up for training. Craving his skin on yours again, you tried to curl up to his back, which quickly proved futile. He was massive in every sense of the word. You continued to fidget, trying to find a position that worked to no avail.

The snoring had stopped but you hadn't noticed until he spoke, "Can't get comfy?" His voice was husky with sleep.

You sighed, "I didn't mean to wake you. I had a bad dream..." You worried with the sheet between your fingers, trying not to fidget excessively.

He inhaled deeply and rolled onto his back, the leg closest to you bent up and his face fell towards you. "You wanna talk about it?" That was not something you could handle right now so you shook your head.

"Okay. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

His voice was a deep baritone that ran straight to your core. Hesitantly you asked, " _Can I touch you?_ I need... I mean...ugh... touching your skin is calming and I don't know why." You buried your face in your hands, realizing how ridiculous you sounded. " _Nevermind, that's wei—_ "

He cut you off with a ' _shush_ ' as he reached for your hands. " _I would never deny you the opportunity to touch me while laying in bed_." He chuckled as his bent leg rocked back and forth. 

Grumbling at his cheekiness, you shifted to sit up beside him. He remained prone in bed, pulling his hands to rest behind his head. You sat just looking at his torso for a bit, unsure of what you actually needed. The muscles stretched with each breath he took. Your fingers gingerly traced his scars and trailed in the lines of his abs. "You keep cooking like you did tonight and I'm gonna lose those."

Cutting your eyes at him, you hit his stomach with the palm of your hand. He growled and his leg resumed its rocking. " _Be nice or you'll find the monster you thought you heard earlier_." He raised an eyebrow as he licked his lips.

"Kylo Ren! _You are being very forward_."

He leaned up, bracing himself on his forearms. Teasingly he replied, "I'm being forward? _Huh_ , if I remember correctly, _you_ woke _me_ up and asked to _touch me._ So, I say you're the one being forward, _naughty girl._ "

Your jaw fell open as you slapped his stomach again, "I am not naughty!" You crossed your arms in front of you and huffed.

Like an animal advancing on its prey, he moved swiftly, sweeping you in his arm so he could spread you across the bed, his legs now straddling your hips and his hands laced with yours, holding you to the bed. He leaned down with a wicked grin, whispering in your ear, "Oh, but what if I like _naughty girls_?" He bit your ear, "and I did warn you to be nice or there would be consequences."

He began kissing down your neck and along your collarbones. "Do you consent to your punishment, _naughty girl_?"

For a moment, fear flashed on your face. The punishments you were used to were not something you wanted to experience again.

Sensing your fear, he pressed kisses down your chest, moving the v-neckline of your shirt down with his chin granting him access to more skin. "This punishment will not be like those. _Do you trust me?_ "

You chewed on the inside of your cheek. Fear tried to flood your body but it could not take hold; his grip on your hands, the weight of his body on yours, the smell of his bed - all of these things and more swam in your mind and banished any hesitation from your body. " _Yes, I trust you._ "

Smiling into your skin, " _Good girl_ ," echoed from his mouth and you were on fire again. But this time, unlike your nightmare, the flames placed kisses on your skin, sharp bites at first and then soothed with steady warmth.

He continued kissing your skin and began to push images into your mind; you saw him kissing your chest, licking and biting your nipples, his tongue trailing down your stomach, his mouth pressing against your underwear as he inhaled your scent, teasing you through the fabric with his tongue. His large fingers deftly removing your panties before gently spreading you open, his tongue exploring your folds, lapping at your juices, his fingers sliding in and out of you, filling you so well.

The images were intoxicating and you needed more. Heavy pants erupted from your chest as he continued kissing and nibbling your neck. " _Did you see something you liked naughty girl?_ " Unable to speak, you nodded your head eagerly. He laughed into your neck between kisses, "Ah, I hoped you would, too bad you won't be getting any of those things tonight _. That's your punishment._ "

He released your hands and fell back into the bed, pulling you against him in the same position you fell asleep in. " _That's cruel_." You whined in an irritable tone.

"No, naughty girl. That was recompense for your bad behavior." As he spoke, his hand snaked down your side and his fingers grabbed roughly at your hip causing you to gasp. " _This_ is cruel." He continued his path down to your thigh and lifted it up, spreading it from the other. Fingers walked up your thigh towards your panties, gently brushing against your sex covered by fabric, teasing the sensitive skin underneath. He firmly pressed his palm into you, fingers wrapping around you so the tips found your wetness through your panties and pushed his hips into your ass, allowing you to feel the thick bulge contained in his pants. A moan escaped your lips from the contact, your eyes fluttered behind their lids.

He shifted back slightly to remove the pressure you felt and moved his hand up to rest at your waist. " _Goodnight sweet girl._ "

When the alarm went off a few hours later, you awoke frustrated and restless. Kylo slammed his hand down to stop the alarm on his datapad and groaned as he rolled out of bed. You had suspected he was not a morning person from your silent breakfasts, but seeing it was something else entirely.

He sat on the edge of the bed, cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders, his bandage flexed with his movement. Turning over his shoulder to look at you he stretched his hand out to meet your arm like he was testing you were really there.

You both mumbled _good mornings_ to each other as he walked to his refresher. Realizing you needed to do the same, you crawled from the large bed and made your way to your room.

Once in the shower, the cool water felt good against your body, helping to wake up your mind. Memories from the night before crept back into focus and your body trembled. Quickly pushing them from your mind, you needed to focus on training. You ran through the movements you learned yesterday, trying to remember the correct order and flow.

When you walked out of your room, Kylo stood in the kitchen, staring at the blender. "It isn't working."

You moved to stand beside him, the ingredients scattered on the counter. Laughing to yourself, "Here, let me help you." As you grabbed each item, you told him how much was needed. After all the ingredients were added, you instructed him on the settings. While he watched the swirling vortex, you grabbed two cups. He poured your breakfast into the cups and lifted it to you in a toast, "To learning new things."

The glasses _clinked_ as they touched. You both stood in the kitchen drinking your breakfast in silence, neither of you were in a rush it seemed. When your glass was empty, you picked up the plates from last night that were left on the table and started washing the dishes. Kylo had picked up his datapad to review his schedule for the day while you worked.

"You ready?" You asked.

His head lifted from the datapad and he smiled. "Let's go, _sweet girl_."

Holding your finger out towards him, "Nuh huh, no Sir. You don't get to do _that._ "

Coyly, he sauntered over to you. "Whatever do you mean? I just answered your question. Is that not the polite thing to do?"

You crossed your arms in front of your chest, "You know that's not what I'm talking about."

He chuckled, feigning innocence, "You seem testy this morning. I would hate to be the reason you were _frustrated_." His fingers trailed across your arms crossed in front of you, leaving goosebumps along the way. His eyes darkened, "Maybe training will help you find _release_. Let's go." He winked as he walked towards the door, grabbing his helmet but leaving his cloak.

Once in the arena, you saw the Knights waiting for their Master. He turned to look at you, "You'll run with the Knights today."

Returning his focus to his men, "Knights, we have a new trainee. You will help with her conditioning and weapons exposure. Be mindful of limits and intensity." The Knights nodded at their Master and turned to look at you, crossing their hand to their chest in solidarity and nodded again.

Kylo had removed his mask and outer vest and tunic, nothing left but a black sleeveless shirt. "Let's run."

Kylo set the pace around the track, the Knights behind him in formation. You struggled along, going at the best pace you could manage but they lapped you several times throughout the course of your run.

The Knights moved to the center of the room with Kylo waiting to the side for you to finish your lap. Once there, he drank from the canteen before offering it to you. He was flushed, hair damp with sweat, and still looked amazing. You looked like a tomato, red covering your face and chest from exertion and stray hair sticking out from your head. "You ready to fight?"

In between pulls of your drink, you choked out, "Fight? Fight them?" You motioned your hand out towards the men currently scrapping in pairs. "They'd demolish me with their pinkies."

He took the water from you and pushed you forward, "Only one way to find out. Knights, attention."

The men immediately stood and faced their Master. "I would like you to demonstrate your preferred fighting styles to our trainee. Vicrul, you're first."

The Knight with a mask scored like a grenade stepped forward, dipping his head to his Master. Through the vocoder, his voice was just as augmented as Kylos, but it wasn't as menacing. Some of that must have just come naturally to Kylo. Vicrul slowly led you through some hand to hand combat basics, perfecting your stance and movements before he moved to show how they worked in practice against one of his brothers. You were in awe at the fluidity of their movements while taking down an opponent.

Each Knight continued in the same fashion, helping you learn the moves and functions before giving a demonstration in technique. The remaining Knights and their Master worked in a large group on how to fight multiple opponents at once.

Once you had made it through all six Knights, Kylo dismissed them from training. Each crossing their hand on their chest and nodding prior to their exit with you nodding your head in return.

You sat on the floor stretching your tight muscles as Kylo moved to sit with you. In your experience, men typically weren't that flexible but he followed your movements with ease.

After you completed your stretches, Kylo turned to you. "What did you think of today's training?" 

"Well, I wanted to hurt you when you pushed me towards the Knights. But I understand now that you were pushing me out of my comfort zone for a reason. Thank you."

Pausing to think how to word your thoughts, "I enjoyed training with the Knights... _Ap'lek was pretty intimidating though_. His mask looks like an elongated skull and he didn't say much."

He laughed, "All of the masks are meant to be intimidating, that's the point." He brushed his hair out of his face. When he rolled his shoulders he grimaced.

"Let's get you back so I can change your bandage. There no doubt you've ripped it open while training today." You stood up and offered him a helping hand.

He took your hand and pulled you down on top of him, wrapping his arms around your waist. Trying to find balance, your hands went to either side of his head to brace yourself and your knees straddled his wide frame. "Still feeling _frustrated_?"

Aggravated by his cockiness, "Well, I am now." You tried to push off of his chest but he held you firmly in place.

"Oh, don't be like that, _I'm only trying to help_." He cooed. You wiggled against him, trying to shift your hips to escape his grasp. Apparently, that excited him because he rolled you over, the quick movement providing him the opportunity to kneel between your legs. His hand traced along your thigh from your hip to knee, watching as his fingers ran along the smooth material of your pants.

Utilizing his distraction, you whipped your free leg over his head to change your position so that you could kick his chest, push up, and stand to put distance between the two of you.

You were on your stomach, trying to get your feet under you when he grabbed your ankle and pulled you back to him. He crawled on top of your back, his weight pinning you to the floor. " _Ahh, you've been holding out on me_. Where did you learn that?" He purred into your ear.

Grunting with strained movements, "One of the families I served taught me some self-defense. In case anything bad were to happen."

He hummed. " _What else did they teach you_? Can you get out of this?" His hands moved to hold your wrists out from your body, forcing himself between your legs, his hips pressing hard into your ass. You bit your lip to suppress the moan that desperately wanted to escape your mouth from the suggestive motion.

Utilizing your flexibility, you pulled your leg up towards your chest, pushed it under your torso and across to the opposite side allowing you to use the change in the center of your balance to roll him to his back. Your elbow jabbed his ribs as he hit the floor making him clutch his torso and you curled up between his legs.

You were able to turn to face him before you tried to stand but Kylo grabbed you and pulled you down into his lap. His hands dug painfully into your hips, his breathing heavy and fast. You pushed at his shoulders but he was as solid as a tree and just as unyielding.

Your chest was rising and falling from your labored breaths, eyes locked on his. Unable to control yourself, you forced your mouth to his. The rush of fighting had you craving more. Now you understood why soldiers sought out company after a battle.

His hands crashed into your hair, moving to your back, your ass, your tits, never able to get enough. His tongue danced with yours and teeth clashed as you both tried to get closer, high on adrenaline and passion.

He used his grip to grind you against his growing bulge to which you eagerly complied. Your hand wedged between you to grab his length, you needed to feel it. He bit your lip as a sigh hissed from his teeth.

" _Not... here..._ " He panted as he moved his hands to the sides of your face. Placing two soft kisses on your lips before he lifted you to stand. He rose up beside you and adjusted his pants, uncomfortable from the increased pressure. He pinched your chin lifting it up to his face, " _I'm gonna need to see more of that later, naughty girl._ "

A smirk formed on your face and you nodded, " _Yes, Sir._ "

The growl that came from him was primal, animalistic in nature and it drove you wild. You felt like prey being stalked, just out of reach but he was closing in. Threatening to sink his claws deep into you and you couldn't wait to get caught.

He released your chin and walked to pick up his outer clothes and helmet to leave. 

Back in his quarters, you showered and changed from your training clothes. He went about to the rest of his meetings without changing the bandage on his back.

While picking up your clothing from his floor, you shook your head. They were right next to the hamper, he couldn't have used a tiny bit more strength to get them _in_ the hamper. You dusted the space and made his bed while waiting for the laundry to finish up. The smell of warm fresh clothes filled the room. You sat down on the couch and folded the clean laundry.

Not long after you put the laundry away, Kylo returned. You had the medical kit sitting on the dining room table waiting on him. " _You left without something earlier today._ " You called from the kitchen.

"Are you _nagging me_ as soon as I walk in the door?" He placed both hands on the island counter and leaned towards you, mirth lacing his expression.

You feigned, rather poorly, a wounded expression, " _I wouldn't dare nag you_." Laughter threatened to break from your firm lips.

He squinted his eyes tauntingly at you, " _Watch it._ We have unfinished business from earlier." At that, he left for his refresher and you cooked dinner.

You were almost done with the meal when he returned, shirtless. "You were right. It split open, probably more than once today." You groaned in frustration and you pointed at him to sit next to the medkit. He flopped down in the chair, nose lifting to the air. "That smells delicious."

" _Shush._ " You ordered as you stood behind him inspecting his wound. It did look better than yesterday, thanks to the bactagel, so you tended to it the same way as before. "You don't get to come in here with an attitude and then try to be sweet and compliment my cooking." He pulled your hand from his shoulder and kissed your palm, "Yes ma'am. _I'll wait until I've tasted your cooking before I compliment it_."

You ran your fingers through his hair so you could reach his ear, " _Keep up the sass and you won't taste it either._ " Matching his affection you kissed his neck and went to walk away.

He turned to face you and pulled you back to him. His eyes were the black holes you had seen the night before, threatening to swallow you whole. "I'm having trouble keeping my composure around you and you..." he paused to run his thumb over your lips, gently pulling down your lower lip to show your teeth. "You are _not helping matters_ with this mouth of yours."

Saying the best ' _I'm sorry'_ with your eyes, you leaned forward, taking his thumb in your mouth and swirling it with your tongue. His eyes blew wide with the sensation, staring at your mouth as you began to suck. He rolled his thumb along your tongue exploring your mouth. You slowly pulled your head back, scraping your teeth along the skin, and flicked your tongue at his fingertip.

"It's time to eat." You turned to walk to the kitchen and collected your meals, he stood dumbfounded in place, just watching you.

You had a casual conversation over dinner, genuinely enjoying the lightness of each other's company. There were no expectations, no required personas, you both could just be yourself without the fear of being judged and punished for your shortcomings.

It was an odd feeling that someone who was a complete stranger a few weeks ago could become so important. His scars mirrored your own, both mind and body broken, unsure what to do with the pieces until you had met the other. Together the pieces could make a whole thing; his strength and aggression balanced with your fragility and demure nature, his need for reassurance matched with your consistency, and the undeniable chemistry that sparked between you could not be ignored. You didn't know where this path would lead or what trials and tribulations you would have to go through but you knew you could handle anything with him by your side.

By his actions, you believed he felt the same way. He wasn't the hot-headed Commander Ren you had been warned to avoid. There was more to him than most people would give him credit for.

Over the new few weeks, your routine was, well, routine. Wake up, have a quiet breakfast, training with the Knights, caretaking tasks while he worked, dinner and conversation with flirting sprinkled throughout. He took the time to learn about you and your past. You discussed what it was like growing up in the First Order orphanages, some of your placements and the treatment you had received, and fond memories of cooking. He never pushed for more than you were ready to disclose, knowing that some skeletons were better left alone.

Equally, you learned more and more about him during your evening conversations; his youth, his parents, his education and exploration of the dark side of the Force, his training under Supreme Leader Snoke, and his service to the First Order.

On the nights where the conversations were too heavy, where hearts and trauma were laid bare and exposed like a live wire, you would fall asleep in each other's arms. Most nights you slept alone.

Neither one of you pushed the boundaries of intimacy more than stolen kisses and witty banter. Honestly, you didn't know how or where to start. Your body reacted to him on a chemical level, instinctually primed to obey when he was around even if your brain was yelling at you to fight it. He could feel it too. There would be a switch, he became an animal engaged in the hunt, calculating moves and countermoves and reveled in the thrill of it.

But you had never had truly consensual intimacy. You knew how things worked, of course. Many placements had forced themselves on you or passed you around at parties like a favor. You learned the more you fought, the more they enjoyed taking it, so eventually, you stopped fighting. Once the thrill had gone they resorted to more brute shows of force, leaving you bruised and scarred.

That was not your life anymore. You were exploring new territory within yourself and with those around you.

Your training advanced quickly with the help of the Knights. On days when Kylo was extra busy, you would spend more time practicing your combat and weapon skills. Each Knight offered something unique to your training.

From the prolonged interactions, you had become something similar to friends. It wasn't long before they all felt comfortable enough to remove their masks in front of you and you were able to joke around with them. Ap'lek had even opened up and was training you in stealth techniques, which you greatly enjoyed.

The time with the Knights was nothing compared to the training sessions with Kylo. He exemplified intensity and would accept nothing but your best. Even when you didn't know what your best was, he did. With your foundation already established, he helped to fine-tune your skills. He kept his favorite tool used to motivate you hidden in his pants but teased you with it often. The majority of your training session ended with the two of you grappling on the floor, pushing the boundaries of what was left unspoken.


	14. Chapter 14

_The time with the Knights was nothing compared to the training sessions with Kylo. He exemplified intensity and would accept nothing but your best. Even when you didn't know what your best was, he did. With your foundation already established, he helped to fine-tune your skills. He kept his favorite tool used to motivate you hidden in his pants but teased you with it often. The majority of your training session ended with the two of you grappling on the floor, pushing the boundaries of what was left unspoken._

**********

After one such session, you were heading back towards Kylo's quarters only to be confronted by the ginger bastard, General Hux.

"Commander Ren..." Hux leered at Kylo as you tried to shrink and hide behind him, keeping your eyes on the floor. "I expect the behavioral intervention with your men is going well." The hubris in his voice made your hair stand on end.

Kylo swelled with anger, hands balling into fists at his side. His vocoder hummed, "The Knights of Ren are excelling in their endeavors. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for your stormtroopers, General Hux."

Lips twitching from Kylo's provocation, "If you are referring to the _incident_ during the last invasion, I assure you an investigation is ongoing and traitors will be dealt with appropriately."

Daring to glance up, you saw the helmet lower menacingly, "If you need assistance with your _investigation_ , I offer my skills."

Curtly, "I'm sure that won't be necessary. I would not presume to take you away from the vital tasks you are performing for the First Order. What were you working so hard on this morning? Your uniform is looking less than presentable for your station, Commander."

Hux took great pride in his appearance, perfectly pressed uniforms, neatly coiffed hair, and his shoes were lustrous from frequent polishing. He enjoyed the dig at Ren, however shortly, before Kylo stepped forward.

"My uniform reflects the work I accomplish. I train so that my men know what it means to lead by example. I do not expect anything from them that I cannot do myself. If only that could be said for all members of High Command."

The fury rose and stained his pale skin red, head trembling as he spat, "You would be wise to mind your tongue. Supreme Leader Snoke would take great interest in your thoughts on how the First Order is managed."

At the mention of his name, you bit through your lip with a yelp, causing both men to turn their attention to you. Mumbling apologies, you desperately wished you could sink into the floor and disappear.

General Hux circled around Kylo and came to stand directly in front of you, backing you into the metal wall. "And who do we have here? Surely you could find a more impressive partner to _train_ with." His beady eyes scanned your body, taking in every curve.

His degrading tone caused you to clench your hands in front of you and curve at the shoulders, trying to look further at the floor to avoid him. The wide smirk on his face was apparent as he turned to Ren. Hux enjoyed your reaction.

A heavy breath tumbled through his mask, "I believe you have met before. General Hux, this is my caretaker. She accompanied me to training this morning to assist my Knights, who were not provided with such support. We were just returning so she could resume her responsibilities."

Hux hummed at Ren in uncertainty, not trusting his answer. "It's a possibility we've met but she is quite unremarkable so I cannot say with certainty." He had stepped closer to you, the smell of his hair pomade wafted towards you, making you feel sick to your stomach, "Hopefully she is meeting the expectations of her role within the First Order."

He most certainly remembered you, even if he played the fool in front of Kylo. The first day of your placement had you standing in his office, the same sickly sweet smell permeating the air. You already had your instructions regarding your placement, Hux just wanted to feel important and assert his authority over anyone he could. He reiterated the importance of the First Order and the contributions your action would make to its success. He even had the gall to request your company in his quarters before you were escorted to Ren's. His cold thin fingers grazed your cheek as he crooned his intentions. Thankfully, his assistant had interrupted, stating Ren had arrived earlier than expected and you were needed in his quarters for the formal introduction. This was the first time you had seen him since that day.

His eyes were intense as he lifted your chin to face him. You maintained a stoic impression and said nothing, fearing that your voice would betray the emotions bottled within.

Kylo intervened, "If you're quite done, she has work to do. As you said, she has expectations to meet which is hard to do if she isn't present to do them." Without another word, he nodded to dismiss Hux, forcing his hand to drop from your face, and motioned for you to move away from the wall.

Once safely inside Kylo's quarters, you took the first deep breath since your interaction. The voice surrounding you was tremulous, no longer steadied by the vocoder, "Are you okay? I could feel your fear around that bastard. It took everything I had not to rip his head from his shoulders."

He ran his fingers through his hair, groaning in frustration while he paced, "I could hear his thoughts, what he wanted to do to you... what he _tried_ to do. So strong I could see the images in my mind."

You tried to step towards him, to calm him, but he continued pacing. "I do not fear _him_."

" **DON'T LIE!** You may be able to tell yourself that but I could taste your fear. It still hangs heavy around you." He was seething, spittle flying from his mouth as he yelled.

 ** _Slap_** **.** Your hand cracked across his face without a second thought. " ** _YOU_** do not get to tell me how ** _I_** feel. I do not—."

Kylo's hand was at your throat before you could finish your sentence. His voice was dark and ominous, " _You are going to regret doing that._ " He forced you back against the wall by your neck.

Unyielding, you spat, "Why's that? Are you going to _hurt_ me? Make me _beg_ for forgiveness? Go ahead _Master Ren_ , do what you do best. _Be the monster_ the First Order made you."

His face twitched as you spoke. "I am completely at your mercy, my life is _literally_ in your hands. So do it, _hurt me_. I know you want to, I feel it too. All you know is how to hurt and all I know is how to take it. We're a perfect fucking match."

He continued staring at you while his hand pulsed around your neck, fighting both the urge to squeeze harder and to let go entirely but he never said a word.

Frustrated by his lack of a response, "Do something! Don't just stand there. Hurt me!" Your voice was pleading as tears formed in your eyes. You tried to hit him but your arms weren't long enough; you tried to kick him but he held your legs with the Force. Unable to physically provoke him you resumed your verbal attack. "Fucking do something! Make me scared of you. Let me feed you the fear you thrive on. Maker damn it... please! I want to be hurt. Let me give you what you need!"

Kylo searched your face, rife with pain and conflict, and something in him shifted. He could see the torment you were experiencing, reverting to the only coping skill you knew. He did not want to add more when you already carried too much. "I'm going to let you go, please don't do anything rash." Removing his hand, he rubbed his face and ran his fingers through the wavy hair while you stood still against the wall. "I don't think you want pain, I think you want control. You think that if you tell yourself you want the pain and then you get it, that you somehow decided your fate. But that is not the same as control." He took a deep breath before continuing, "You cannot change what happened to you just as you cannot change what others do to you now. What you can _control_ is how you respond to what is done to you."

He took a step back from you, shaking his head. "You've never felt control in your hands. To have someone at _your mercy_." Kylo knelt at your feet, "Take control of the situation, understand what it feels like to hurt someone... _hurt me_."

Confusion struck your face, "What... what are you talking about? I don't understand..." Looking down on the man in front of you in a position you were all too familiar with.

His eyes beseeched you, " _Take control_. I am a tangible manifestation of the atrocities the First Order has wreaked on the galaxies...on you. _Take control_ and return the pain inflicted on you. The First Order deserves it... _I deserve it_. I am here on my knees waiting for the justice you dispense. So do it."

"I...I don't..." Your brain could not process the situation. You could never fight back, the more you fought the more they hurt you. This had to be a trap, there was no other explanation.

His voice was calm and steady, "Don't think. Listen to your body, listen to what it wants, what it needs. Focus on how you felt when you slapped me. How the anger and pain transformed into something more. The catharsis of it. Lean into that feeling. I promise this is not a trap and I will not hurt you in retaliation." He nodded his head reassuringly, "Let go."

A multitude of feelings swelled in your chest, threatening to choke you if they couldn't escape. Your breath shuddered as you raised your hand, hesitating until you heard a voice in your head, "Let the past die, kill it if you have to... _Let...Go._ " Kylo nodded again.

Trying to take steadying breaths, you slapped him again but not as hard as the first. His head turned to the side with the impact. He turned back to face you and nodded. You hit the opposite side of his face harder than before, feeling the anger rise as faces from your past swirled in the front of your mind. With every hit, he stayed silent and turned back to you, nodding for you to continue. Your hands were red and stinging from the repeated contact. His face was covered in welts and tears threatened to fall from his eyes.

Hungry for more, you balled your fist before swinging at his face. The contact with his mouth ricocheted his head back and forth. When he lifted his head back to you, his lip was busted and blood seeped into his mouth. He sucked his lip into his mouth, cleaning it, and smiled.

Tears were now freely falling from your face, your breath uneven as if you had run for hours. You stepped towards him, rubbing his lip with your thumb to wipe away the blood that continued to flow, your other hand wiped the silent tears from his cheek.

He kissed your thumb at his lips, "Thank you," and nuzzled his face against your other hand. You pulled him close to your chest, wrapping your arms around his head and played with his hair. His arms wrapped around your waist holding you in place against him.

You stood embracing each other until your feet hurt and your body swayed as it came down from the high you had experienced. Kylo picked you up and carried you to his bed, moving to lay down facing you, his large hand caressed your face. His own face was no longer red or swollen, but his eyes were red-rimmed from the tears that fell earlier.

A wave of grief and shame washed over you while you looked deep into his eyes, "I'm sorry." More tears threatened to fall as the words tumbled from your lips.

He shushed your concerns, "Those feelings have no place here so do not let them take hold in your heart." He kissed your forehead. "How can I help you in this moment? What do you need?"

Thinking, nothing immediately came to mind and you shrugged, "I don't know. I feel like I should be asking you that considering what just happened."

Pushing his forehead against yours, "I just need to hold you. To know that you're alright."

A small smile graced your face, "I need that too." You rolled in his arms and snuggled your back to his chest and he buried his face in the crook of your neck. His warm breath washed the stress and turmoil away with each exhale.

You laid safe in his embrace for a while, unable to see the clock on the wall you were unsure of the time until your stomach growled.

Kylo's hand moved to rub your stomach and hummed, "Me too. I can go rummage for something for us if you don't want to get out of bed."

Stretching your muscles, you groaned, "We need to get up. We can't stay in bed all day and I wouldn't dare take the risk of getting crumbs in your bed." You turned to him and shot him a playful smile before leaning up to peck a kiss to his lips.

You walked into the kitchen to see what your options were. "I can make porg fried rice quickly. How does that sound?"

"Amazing." He padded barefoot into the kitchen in his lounge clothes. "Go change into something more comfortable. I think I can handle cutting up some porg."

Once in your room you grabbed some sleep pants and a fresh shirt. You were glad to be out of your boots. They would be comfortable once they were broke in, but you weren't there yet. Following his lead you remained barefoot and returned to the kitchen.

Together you cooked a late lunch and sat on the couch to enjoy it while watching a holofilm. You got up to take the dishes to the kitchen once you both were full and on your way back to the living space you noticed Kylo craning his neck painfully side to side.

"Sit on the floor and let me massage your neck. It's the least I can do." You pointed to the floor as you moved towards the couch. He smirked as he slid down and outstretched his legs in front of him. He gave you space to settle behind him with your legs spread on either side before leaning his back against the couch.

You started by threading your fingers through his hair, brushing out the tangles from laying down. His hair was so soft as it flowed with your movements. Putting more pressure on his scalp with your fingertips you massaged from his hairline back to the nape of his neck, occasionally using your nails to scratch for a different sensation. He hummed in relaxation as you moved from his head down to his neck and shoulders. The muscles were firm and held such strong tension against your hands. Increasing the pressure as you kneaded the muscles, focusing more attention on any knots you found. Sharp gasps and grunts left his lungs as you dug into the knots forcing them to release. The sounds transformed into soft moans as the tension left his body. Once you were satisfied that you had removed all the knots you moved to caress his outer shoulders and upper arms. Trailing your fingertips and nails along his rough skin marked with scars, his head fell back with his eyes closed and mouth slack, lost in the nirvana of being cared for.

"Get up here." You squeezed his shoulders insinuating for him to lay on the couch. Patting your lap, he laid his head down while laying on his back. You picked up his hand and focused on each finger, swirling each knuckle and pressing until they popped. Noticing his right arm had far more scars than his left, you thought it must have been from his early days of training with his saber until he learned how to maneuver around the crossguards. The thought of Kylo fumbling around with a saber, cursing with each burn made you chuckle.

He opened his eyes to look at you, "What's so funny?" You shook your head and continued rubbing his muscles but he must have seen something on your face that gave you away. He squinted his eyes, "I'll give you something to laugh about." Suddenly, he turned towards you, jutting his arms to your sides and began tickling you as he struggled to sit up to gain the higher ground.

A shrill giggle erupted from your lips as he continued his assault. You writhed and wiggled trying to escape his clutches to no avail. "Mercy! Mercy! Please!" You squealed and he stopped tickling you but his hands never left your side.

From his attack, you were now laying against the arm of the couch with one leg on the floor. Kylo was on his knees straddling your other leg on the couch, hands trailing down to your hips.

Both of you were panting from the sudden movements and your eyes locked. His eyes were not their typical amber but more like warm honey, more gold than brown with specks of gold reflecting the light and you were mesmerized. Your hands moved to cradle his face, your thumbs caressing his high cheekbones.

He leaned down and gently kissed your lips. It felt different than the other kisses you had shared, there was a tenderness, a need to please. He slowly opened his lips to deepen the kiss before his tongue searched for yours. This kiss wasn't rushed, it wasn't something you tried to sneak. It was intimate. It was passionate.

Your hands moved under his shirt to touch his skin, you needed him closer to you. He was braced on his hands but understood your need and moved to place his weight on his forearm beside your head, the other hand moved to hold your face, so large it covered half of your neck as well. Your arms wrapped around him, desperate for more contact. Unconsciously, you clawed your nails across his back causing him to groan into your mouth. "Fuck...you do things...like that...and it's gonna...send me over the edge." His panting grew wilder as he spoke.

It was only then you felt his hard length pressing into your pinned leg. Smirking against his lips, "Then jump." and you dug your nails into his back again, harder and with more purpose, pulling his hips closer.

He moved with impressive speed as he stood to pick you up, threw you over his shoulder and made his way back to his bed, slapping your ass as he went.


	15. Chapter 15

_It was only then you felt his hard length pressing into your pinned leg. Smirking against his lips, "Then jump." and you dug your nails into his back again, harder and with more purpose, pulling his hips closer._

_He moved with impressive speed as he stood to pick you up, threw you over his shoulder, and made his way back to his bed, slapping your ass as he went._

********

You giggled as he tossed you on the bed, bouncing from the impact against the mattress. He stripped off his shirt and threw it on the floor before crawling between your legs, kissing and biting at your stomach. His hands went to pull at your waistband but he paused to look up at you, seeking approval. You smiled and pushed his head back down to the apex of your thighs.

That was all the confirmation he needed. He tugged hard as you lifted your ass off the bed to help him and your pants were thrown on to the floor with his shirt. His lips were on your hips and his tongue tickled your skin as he tasted you. He took your panties between his teeth and looked up to meet your eyes as he pulled them over your hips, a devilish smirk surrounded his barred teeth. Not wanting to wait any longer, he took the fabric in his strong hands and ripped it to pieces. " _You don't need these anymore._ "

Laying with his stomach against the bed now braced on his forearms, he put one of his index finger in his mouth, coating it with spit before slowly tracing your folds, teasing you by never touching your clit or exploring your slit. Whines escaped your lips, "Kylo, _please..._ " you begged him for more.

He chuckled, "You're so impatient. Unfortunately, y _ou haven't been good enough_ to earn a full cunt yet." Your head shot off the mattress to look down at him incredulously, your lower lip pouting. He gently slapped your sex, "Don't look at me like that. Keep your hands behind your head. Do you want to be my _good girl_?" You moved your hands behind your head interlocking your fingers, sucked your lip into your mouth, and nodded your head eagerly. "I need my good girl to _tell me_ what she needs."

Your breath hitched as you inhaled, "I wanna be your good girl that gets her pussy ate, Sir." A groan rumbled in his throat. His tongue slid over his lips before extending to flick against your skin. You gasped from the warmth of his tongue as you were exposed to the cold air of the room and your hips rose towards his face seeking more.

His arms weaved under your thighs, holding your hips down with his hands, he continued teasing you while restricting your movement. "You're being cruel, Kylo. Please..." He bit into your thigh forcing a whimper from your lips. " ** _Sir! I'm sorry!_** _Please...let me be your good girl!"_

Finally, he pressed his hot wet tongue flat against your slit coating your pussy with his spit and slid up to circle your clit, his touch as light as a feather. A deep moan rolled from your mouth, "Thank you...Sir."

He switched his attention between your swollen clit and exploring your folds. When his tongue pressed into your core, your walls fluttered around him as his exquisite nose rubbed against the sensitive knot of nerves. " _Fuck..._ " Trying to grind your hips against his skilled mouth you felt a pressure starting to build. " _Sir, please! I want to cum for you..."_

His growl vibrated against your core in an exhilarating way. Focused on trying to keep your hands behind your head, you grabbed your hair and pulled; the pain swirling with the pleasure his mouth was giving you, heightening both sensations. You failed to notice that a hand had left your hip until his tongue returned to your clit and you felt the delicious pressure of a finger curling inside of you. " _Maker damnit! That feels so fucking good!"_ you groaned through gritted teeth, your head thrown back in pleasure.

He added a second thick finger as he started pumping them in and out of you hitting your sweet spot, his tongue never halting the attack on your clit. The pressure was growing and you knew you were close, muscles tightened causing your legs to tremble around his head. " _Cum for me,_ ** _good girl_** _._ I want to taste how good I make you feel."

Sucking your clit deep into his mouth and swirling it with his tongue, his fingers pounded harder and faster pushing you over the edge. Your back arched off the bed as you moaned his name, white flashing in your eyes as every nerve was set on fire, the pressure finally capped as your orgasm washed over you. He slowed his movements as you came back down until you were too sensitive for his affection. Crawling up your body, Kylo settled beside you, watching as you writhed in bliss. Your eyes met his, blown black in ecstasy and you murmured through bated breaths, " _Fuck...thank you...Sir._ "

He trailed his fingers down your chest and stomach, drawing circles. " _We are just getting started._ " An impish expression overtook his face as he leaned in and feverishly kissed you. You could taste your cum on his tongue and it was the most mouthwatering thing you had ever tasted.

Breaking the kiss to catch your breath, you panted, "You have entirely...too many clothes on," and pushed him away from you and forced him to his back. He already had his pants around his thighs by the time you were able to kneel beside him. Grabbing his pants you threw them to the floor, " _There, that's better_." Pausing to take in the astonishing body under your fingers, solid muscles and thick-framed, he was sex personified.

You returned his mischievous grin before slowly licking your lips and wrapping them around the head of his cock, already hard and throbbing. Your tongue swirled around his crown, coaxing precum to coat your tastebuds. He groaned as your mouth pushed further down his shaft. Seeing his fists clench and pull at the blanket spurred you to suck harder, hollowing out your cheeks as your hands twisted around his base. You felt his head against the back of your throat soliciting a small gag. He moaned at the resistance as you forced him further down your throat, feeling the stretch and making your eyes water. " ** _Fuck...ing shit_** _. Your mouth feels amazing babe. Ugh..."_

You continued sucking and twisting until both your hands and his cock were covered in spit. Pulling away with a **_pop_** , you sat up beside him, pulled your shirt over your head, and playfully threw it at his face. While he was distracted by your shirt, you climbed on top of him and straddled his hips. Using the position to your advantage, you grabbed his thick shaft and slid it between your glistening folds, his tip spreading your slick.

He threw the shirt on the floor and his hands flew to your hips. You slowly slid down his shaft, allowing yourself time to adjust to his massive size. The stretch was almost too much, he was by far the largest you've had. His hands moved to grab your breasts, rolling your nipples between his thumbs and index fingers; the pleasure was enough to transform the painful stretch into delicate pleasure as you settled against him. You moved your hips back and forth, rubbing your clit against his pelvis, helping you to stretch around him.

You placed your palms on his chest for additional control as you started to work up and down his cock. As he split you open, your moans filled the room. Kylo added more pressure to your nipples, pulling and pinching harder as you moved faster. He expertly made you tread the fine line between pleasure and pain. As you moved down to take all of him, his head hit your cervix each time causing a full feeling to radiate in your core.

" ** _Fuck babe_** _...your tight cunt feels so damn good around my cock._ " His hands moved to your hips to help counter your movements, thrusting up into you as he pulled you down onto him. The sound of skin hitting against skin overtook the moans and whimpers rolling from your lips. Desperate for a hold on reality, you dug your nails into his chest eliciting a growl to rumble from underneath your hands. " _That's it. You take my cock so well, you are such a good girl for me."_

His praise made you want to swell with pride. No one had ever praised you before. Degradation was much more fun for them. You decided to take their taunts and make them your own. "Call me a _whore._ " You requested of the man giving you pleasure. His hips faltered for a moment in surprise at your statement, his face scrunched in confusion. **_Slap._** "I said _call me a whore._ " and you began bouncing faster on top of him after hitting his face.

His face morphed into a wicked expression, "You don't wanna be my good girl anymore? _You'd rather be_ ** _my dirty little whore_** _?"_ You nodded eagerly as you went to slap him again. He grabbed your wrist before you could make contact with his face and pulled you down closer to him, his other hand fisting your hair. " _Then I'll make you my whore_." He pulled you off of him and pushed you face-first into the bed while twisting the restrained wrist behind your back. He was kneeling beside you, "Dirty little whores get punished. _Do you consent_?"

Unable to hide the grin on your face, you purred, " _Yes, Sir_." His hand hit your ass with enough force to push you further up the bed, a yelp escaped your lips. You settled your hips back to your original position with your ass in the air.

" _That's a good whore._ Count for me. You'll get ten before you get this dick again and you'll say _'thank you, sir'_ after each one. That counted as your first."

 ** _Slap._** " _Two. Thank you, Sir._ " The smile returned to your lips.

 ** _Slap._** " _Three. Thank you...Sir_." Your heart was pounding in your chest.

 ** _Slap._** " _Four. Thank....you...Sir._ " The sting on your ass grew as the whelps started to form.

 ** _SLAP._** " _Five...Fuck...Thank you, Sir._ " You turned your head to look at him the best you could.  
  
  


He gently rubbed the hot flesh to help remove the sting; his hand moved to your other cheek.  
  
  


 ** _Slap._** " _Six. Thank you, Sir_." You bit your lip.

 ** _Slap._** " _Seven. Thank you, Sir._ " The pain was close to overtaking your senses.

 ** _Slap._** " _Eight...Thank you, Sir._ " You felt the tears pool in the corners of your eyes.

 ** _Slap._** A pained whimper escaped your lips, " _Nine...Thank you...Sir._ "

**_SLAP._ **   
  
  


As the final hit collided with your ass, he buried his cock deep into your core. " _Maker damnit!_ **_Yes_** **!** Your cock feels so _fucking good_ in my whore pussy." You were trying your best to push back into him as he thrust mercilessly into you, still holding your arm twisted behind your back. As his left hand held your arm in place, his right hand gripped your hip and used it for leverage.

His head fell back in ecstasy as your walls trembled around him. "This little whore cunt is mine. _MINE._ Do you understand?" He never slowed his pace. You were unable to form words so he pounded you further into the bed until you were laying on your stomach, your arm trapped between your back and his torso. " _I said..."_ While bracing himself with one hand, he grabbed a fist of your hair with the other and yanked your head back off the mattress, "Y _ou are mine. Do you understand?_ "

Lips trembling in hazy bliss, " _Yes...Sir. I'm yours._ " A primal groan ripped from his mouth as he pulled out of you and flipped you on your back before he started to fuck you again. He was ravenous as he drove into you.

Breathing in rhythm with his thrusts, "Y _ou're such a good fucking whore for me...This cunt is so good...you make me wanna cum..._ ** _but I'm having too much fun_**." He leaned down and kissed you, biting your lip almost hard enough to split it. The gasp that escaped from your mouth caused a smirk to spread on his lips. A heavy sigh left your lungs from a breath you didn't know you were holding.

His brow raised with a devious thought. He leaned back bracing on his hand, " _Will you be a good little slut for me and cum on my cock?_ " Unable to speak you nodded your head, eyes pleading with him for release. The devious thought turned to action when you felt the Force swirling hard against your clit. Your eyes were as large as dinner plates at the added stimulation, mouth falling open as moans grew louder and flowed over your lips. Kylo's other hand went to your throat, just resting against the skin not applying any pressure. You nodded your head in approval and his fingers pressed into the side of your neck, slowing the blood flow without restricting your air. As the pressure in your head grew so did pressure in your core.

" ** _Fuck_** _...._ ** _Kylo_** _...I'm gonna...fucking...cum._ " The words barely made it out of your mouth.

Through his own heavy pants, " _Fuck yes..._ ** _cum with me_** _...cum babe..._ " and he pushed you over the edge. The electricity that shot through your veins as the pressure peaked made your muscles quake, your back arching as much as it could against the forearm of the hand that held your throat. His hips stuttered as he poured his hot seed deep in your pussy, profanities flowing from his perfect lips as he did. He removed his hand from your throat and his hips slowed as your trembling walls milked every drop from him.

Shifting to lay on the bed, he pulled you close to his side, resting your head on his chest. Your legs felt like jelly but you tried your best to lift one and lay it over his thighs, trying to wrap yourself around him. His fingers trailed along your back, "Hey babe, are you okay?"

You hummed into his chest, " _I've never been better_." Pausing to collect your thoughts, "Listen, about the...slap and whore thing. _I'm sorry_ if it was _weird_. I shouldn't have thrown it on you like that. It hit me in the moment to take their insults and make it my own. Their words couldn't hurt me anymore if I used it for pleasure."

He placed several kisses on your forehead as his hand sought yours, interweaving your fingers. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm sorry that your past has shaped the way you take your pleasure now but if I'm being honest, I was pleasantly surprised by your dirty talk." He chuffed. "If you couldn't tell, _I quite enjoyed it_."

Turning to look up at him, "Kylo, I do believe you are the _naughty one_. _Mr. I'm gonna spank you and you're gonna count them_. I can't lie though, I liked it too." You chuckled at the revelation, surprising even yourself.

"Come on babe, we both need showers before we can fall asleep." You groaned at the thought of moving. With your hesitation obvious, he moved to the side of the bed, picked you up, and carried you to the shower. You never paid much attention to his shower other than to clean the glass and surfaces of the smooth stone. He sat you down on the bench inside the shower as he adjusted the water. Perfectly hot, he helped you up to your feet and washed your hair and body, massaging as he went. You tried your best to return his affection and help wash him but he kept swatting your hands away, smiling at your feeble attempts. "Let me take care of you." You pouted but listened to him, relishing the tender caress of his large hands.

Once you both were clean, he helped you out of the shower and handed you a towel and fresh clothes from his closet. While you put on the clean clothes, Kylo changed the bedsheets and came back to collect you. You caught him in the doorway on your way back to the bedroom and threw your arms around him, going to your tiptoes to try and kiss him. His wet hair tickled your face as he leaned down to meet you for the kiss. He picked you up and spun you around, carrying you back to the bed. You both settled under the fresh covers and fell into a peaceful sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

_Once you both were clean, he helped you out of the shower and handed you a towel and fresh clothes from his closet. While you put on the clean clothes, Kylo changed the bedsheets and came back to collect you. You caught him in the doorway on your way back to the bedroom and threw your arms around him, going to your tiptoes to try and kiss him. His wet hair tickled your face as he leaned down to meet you for the kiss. He picked you up and spun you around, carrying you back to the bed. You both settled under the fresh covers and fell into a peaceful sleep._

**********

When you awoke before the alarm the next morning, you were snuggled against Kylo's large back with your arm around his waist with your face buried between his shoulder blades. He smelled of clean soap and a fragrance that was completely his own: strong and masculine yet comforting and soft.

Kylo was still asleep, his breathing slow and deep. You shifted back slightly and brought your top hand to trace along his scars. His most recent scar was still tinged with shades of red and pink as it connected with the pale flesh surrounding it. Bringing your lips up, you gently place a kiss on the new skin and continued to run your fingers along his back.

He started to mumble and groan as he gained consciousness. " _I don't wanna get up..._ " You giggled at his confession because you felt the same way, a devious thought crossed your mind. You looked at the clock and realized you had ten minutes before the alarm would go off, summoning you both to start your day; you were going to start it satisfied.

Resuming your kisses on his back, your top hand trailed down his side and around to the front of his pants. His morning arousal already pressing against the fabric, you began to palm it. " _Mmmm..._ " hummed behind his pressed lips at your movement. His hips bucked into your hand seeking more pressure. Shifting to lay on his back, he turned his head to look at you.

With a mischievous smile and bright eyes you cooed, " _Good morning..._ " and reached under his pants and let his erection pop free. He squinted his eyes at you when you began to move, lowering yourself to lean down and kiss his swollen tip. His eyes closed when you flicked your tongue at his slit so you could taste him. He sucked in a sharp breath and bit his lip to keep from moaning.

Using your tongue, you began licking up and down his twitching shaft and his noises were becoming more unrestrained. Deciding to show mercy, you shifted to brace yourself on both knees and slowly took him into your mouth. Swirling your tongue around his head, you pressed him further until he was at the back of your throat. A small gag caused tears to form at the corners of your eyes and chills to flush your arms. " _Fuck..._ " rumbled from his throat as you continued with your movements, adding a hand to wrap around his base, twisting in unison with your mouth.

 ** _Slap!_** With your ass still in the middle of the bed, he used his large hand to smack the curves, enjoying the way the skin bounced under his hand. A moan vibrated in your throat adding increased stimulation to his cock, now shoved down your throat with your nose buried against his balls. Kylo used his right hand to alternate between slapping your ass and rubbing your slick over your folds, never penetrating into your depths.

Desperation growing, you began moving faster with more pressure from your hand. Rewarding your eagerness, he easily slid two thick fingers in and curled them down towards the bed, finding your g-spot almost instantly. The moan that forced it's way around his cock and poured from your lips encouraged him to pump his fingers in and out of you faster, hitting your sweet spot every time.

You could see his balls twitch, he was so close to cumming. Doing the best you could, you mumbled, " _Cum for me..._ " with him still in your mouth.

He smacked your ass again, "Jack my dick and make me cum in that pretty mouth of yours." he growled. You did as you were told, moving your hand up and down his impressive shaft until he grabbed a handful of your hip, " _Fuck...I'm gonna cum...don't stop..._ " With two more twists of your hand, he shot hot thick ropes of cum into your mouth. You kept your lips tight around his head as you continued your movements; you didn't want to lose a drop. Once he started to soften in your hand, you sat up with a full mouth, displaying his seed before swallowing it down. Once it was gone, you opened your mouth again to show him it was empty and smirked as you laid on your back beside him.

He leaned over to kiss your cheek before whispering in your ear, "Now it's my turn for _breakfast in bed_." Quickly he removed your underwear and buried his face between your legs. Your folds were already soaked from sucking him off and him playing with you earlier. Deftly, his fingers found your g-spot again, swirling against the spongy flesh as his mouth worked your clit. You were so horny from blowing him that you were close in no time. Rocking your hips into his face, your fingers lacing in his hair pulling him further into you.

" _Maker..._ that feels so good. Please make me cum." He growled against your sensitive bud and he added a third finger into your core, now pounding harder and faster, hitting his knuckles against your mound. "Fuck yes...don't stop _..._ " and your walls pulsed around his fingers that filled you perfectly as your orgasm rolled through your body. You moaned his name as he continued his ministrations until you were too sensitive.

Kylo sat up, pausing to suck your juices off of his finger before reaching a hand out to you. " _Good morning indeed._ " You took his hand and he helped you out of bed. After drinking your actual breakfast, you were on your way to training; both of you had an extra pip in your step.

The Knights were waiting as you entered the arena. They nodded to you and knelt before their Master. "Knights, I've got something... _different_...planned for today. Our trainee has advanced nicely under our tutelage." You turned to look at Kylo, shocked by his attention to you when addressing his men. "She has improved with hand to hand combat, weapon utilization, and stealth concealment. Today, we put her to the test. Knights, let's go to the Theater."

In unison, the Knights rose and crossed their arms across their chest, nodding to you, before moving towards a door on the back wall you had yet to notice was there. Kylo motioned for you to follow his men.

The line of men disappeared into the room and you were the last one through the door. Once it shut behind you, you were thrust into a dark room unable to take in your surroundings.

A familiar voice boomed overhead, "Welcome to the Theater. This is a training course that simulates real-world conditions. For this exercise, you will be navigating a village at night. You will need to use all of your training to survive. The goal is to capture the relic hidden somewhere in the village. There will be training droids in the Theater with you, treat them as enemies and show no mercy; as they will not show any to you. The exercise starts on my word and will end when you are defeated or when you successfully collect the relic and return to your starting point. Your exercise starts... ** _now_**."

Your senses immediately heightened, looking around you for any source of light or hint of what to do next. Crouching, you moved forward with your hand out feeling for anything near you. After a few feet, you saw a dimly lit hut around twenty paces to your left. Pausing to consider your options, you slowly moved towards the hut, hoping a weapon or something helpful would be concealed within. As you were enclosing on the entrance of the hut, a training droid rolled by. Flattening yourself against the stack of crates, you tried to stay in the shadows and remain unseen. The round droid was a droideka, and the ones you had trained with were exceptionally fast and hard to keep down unless they were cut in half or blown to pieces. You were not ready to take one on, especially without a weapon. Once the droid had moved to a comfortable distance, you began moving towards the hut again. You listened for any sounds to indicate someone was inside before crossing the threshold in silence.

The hut was lit with only a few candles sitting on a small round table. A cot was pushed to the side. The rest of the single room was bare. You rummaged through the bed, hoping that a weapon would be hidden under the mattress or cot. That hope proved false. The table was bare except for the candles. Making your way back to the threshold, you thought to check under the table. To your surprise, a small knife was concealed in the framed lip of the table. The blade was similar to a letter opener, thin and under six inches, so it wouldn't be that helpful but it was better than your bare hands. To help mark your path, you scored the threshold frame with the small blade so that you knew you had started here.

Returning to the darkness of the Theater, you realized you needed to get some idea of the layout or size of the space to strategically plan your attack. You turned to scale the small hut you were just in, staying low to hide your profile from watchful eyes. Squinting to clarify your vision, you were able to see three other light sources; one open fire and two huts, you assumed they were lit by candles. Looking up, you saw a vast expanse of space. Luckily this meant nothing would be surprising you from above. While looking you saw two droidekas rolling around. With the information you were able to collect, you decided it was time to get down from the hut and move on.

The second hut was maybe fifty paces away. Again it was sparsely furnished with only a cot and a table. This table happened to have some papers on it. You quickly flicked through the papers while keeping an ear focused for any sign of movement outside. It appeared to only be an inventory list for the crates outside: medkits, bactagel, and other medical supplies. Realizing things had to be placed here for a reason, you grabbed a medkit and threw it over your shoulder, stuffing some bactagel patches in for good measure.

Moving your way through the Theater, you cleared half the room before seeing another droideka. Failing to hide in time, the droid sprang open and honed in on you with its blasters. You dove over the crates stacked next to you to avoid it's blast, hitting your shoulder hard on the ground as you tried to roll your landing. The noise attracted the second droideka to investigate and you were surrounded with nothing but a medkit and a puny blade. Cursing under your breath, your only idea was to lead the two droids toward each other, hoping they shoot each other in the process.

With a droid directly to your left separated by only a few crates, you heard the pause of its blasters while it inspected the damage for signs of a hit. The second droideka was circling from the right before it popped open, scanning the area it heard the commotion. Scrambling, you cut the metal First Order tag off of your medkit and threw it towards the floor at the droid to your left. The second droid responded to the sound with force, blasting through the crates and hitting the first droid. As it powered down the second droid retracted and rolled away.

Adrenaline filled, you seized the opportunity you were given and removed the blaster arm from the fallen droideka and continued on your path, not realizing a blaster hit had grazed your leg and you were bleeding. Making your way to the last unexplored hut, you knew the relic had to be there. Driven by the knowledge your goal was within reach, you passed the open fire, entered the hut, and were face to face with an IG-88. Before you could react, the IG spun its arm and threw you into the wall. You fell to the floor and landed among some smaller crates and boxes. Trying to deflect the incoming attack, you threw pieces of the shattered crate towards its arm while rolling to the side. Your fight or flight reflex was at an all-time high as your lept onto the IG's back, causing it to fall to the floor with you straddling it. In true IG form, it spun it's components and was now facing up, its red eye trained directly at your head. _Fuck_ , you forgot they could do that.

You froze, unsure what the IG unit would do if you moved. Slowly, you lifted your arms above your head in a gesture of surrender.

The booming voice returned, "The exercise is complete. All droids return to base. Trainee, rise." The lights in the Theater brightened causing you to cover your eyes so they could adjust. You stood in the hut, disappointment and frustration radiated from you.

" _Come on out now._ " A modulated voice called from outside the hut. Hanging your head, you walked out of the hut defeated. The Knights of Ren were leaning against the scattered crates with their Master standing front and center. "Let's discuss your strengths and weaknesses during this exercise."

You lifted your head to face the men and Ap'lek stepped forward, "A strength included utilizing the high ground early to understand your surrounding and plan accordingly. A weakness was not utilizing that strategy again. Kuruk can attest to this, high ground is vital to understanding and planning a successful attack." Kuruk nodded his head in agreement as Ap'lek spoke. The Knight stepped back into line with the rest of his brothers.

Kuruk added, "Be patient when you are scanning an area. Do not rush your observations as you are sure to miss vital information. If you would have waited longer on the roof of the hut, you would have noticed the IG unit making its rounds and adjusted your strategy in response."

Vicrul stepped forward next. "A strength was your creativity and flexibility under pressure. When surrounded by two droidekas with no weapon, most would have called it quits. You repurposed an item and caused your enemies to attack themselves as a result. The obvious weakness was thinking you had the goal in sight with no tangible evidence to suggest so. Never assume the end is near until you have it in your grasp." He nodded and stepped back in line.

After a moment Cardo stepped forward, "Brute strength can do wonders in combat, given the correct time and place." The remaining Knights chuckled and grumbled in response to his statement. Unphased he continued, "Your strength was realizing when to use it and when to not. Your weakness was not using chaos to your advantage. There were several crates and items around that you could use as distractions or traps." Again, the Knight nodded and returned to lean against the crate.

Trudgen and Ushar had nothing to add that the other Knights had not addressed.

Kylo began speaking, "In summary, be patient, adjust your strategy as you go, have situational awareness, and don't get cocky." He nodded and turned to face his Knights. "Men, now that the serious business is taken care of, it's time to have some fun. Pair up and spread out, the last team standing gets a free pass to hit a Stormtrooper during the next raid." At his command, the men paired up, Kuruk with Ap'lek, Trudgen with Cardo, and Ushar with Vicrul. That left you with Kylo. You looked up at him, his mask void of expression, but you knew he was excited. He pulled a blaster from his waist and handed it to you as he unhooked his saber from his belt, thumb resting on the ignitor.

"Ap'lek and Kuruk will rely on stealth and manipulation. Trudgen and Cardo will use brute strength and destruction. Ushar likes up-close combat and Vicrul is the wild card. What are your thoughts on strategy?" Kylo's mask was focused on you, awaiting an answer.

Your mind went blank, confidence shaken after your failed exercise. "Umm...umm..." To your embarrassment, you were unable to form an answer.

Kylo placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "Who do you think is the biggest threat? Who do you need to take out first?"

Running through what Kylo said about each Knight's preferred style, you decided that Vicrul was the biggest threat. He was the most trained with the Force and was the most varied in combat styles. "Vicrul. Then Ap'lek and Kuruk. Then Trudgen and Cardo unless we come across someone else first."

The mask nodded, "Good. So how do we leave here and advance on the Theater?"

Scanning the area around you, currently hidden by the stack of crates, you thought of how the Knights spread out a few moments ago. Being more familiar with the right side of the Theater, you pointed towards the way you came and moved your hand to your mouth, finger shushing your lips. Kylo motioned for you to lead the way.

Crouching, you maneuvered back to where you fought the two Droidekas only to notice that the damaged droid had been removed. You turned to Kylo to see if it was part of the clean up after your exercise or if it had been taken by one of the Knights. He only shrugged, giving a noncommittal answer.

You heard a commotion coming from the center of the Theater. Apparently Trudgen and Cardo had found some explosives and someone had set them off. Turning to Kylo, he nodded, and you both advanced towards the noise. As you got closer, you heard grunting and yelling as weapons clashed. Peaking over a crate you saw Trudgen and Ushar trading blows while Cardo was splayed on the ground, apparently knocked out by his own percussion grenade.

Vicrul appeared behind Trudgen, his scythe embracing Trudgen's throat. Defeated, Trudgen pushed Ushar away and held his hands up. Ushar knocked Trudgen out with his war club and the Knight fell to the floor.

The moment the Knights body hit the ground, a shot rang out as Vicrul was thrown back from the impact. A second shot rang through the Theater as Kuruk gunned down Ushar. Kuruk had found a perch and would take out everyone with ease unless he was found. Ap'lek had to be close by, no doubt sneaking around, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. You noticed Kylo tense beside you, possibly reacting to the Force bond the Knights shared. Kylo turned to his left and scanned his surroundings. While he was looking away, you crept off and out of sight, doubling back the way you came. The Knights wouldn't count on you leaving Kylo in a pinch, but he was a big boy and could handle himself.

Impressed by your own intuition, you made your way back to where you found the Droidekas and crawled up onto the crates to get a higher view. Laying flat against the highest crate, you saw Kylo turning, looking for where you went. From your position, you looked down to see Ap'lek dropping his cloak and hanging it on a small stack of crates and then placed his helmet on top to mimic his body. He crouched to follow his Master and planned to attack him from behind.

Deciding to give him a taste of his own medicine, you crawled to your feet, angling yourself to jump down and take him by surprise. As you moved through the air, he turned at the last minute to face you and you landed on top of him, pulling the small blade you found earlier from the pocket in your pants and held it to his exposed throat. He looked up at you with a sardonic smile. His hand waved to you and you were hit with a shot, blowing you back against the stack of crates. Your eyes scanned the air to see Kuruk stand and blow you an exaggerated kiss. While you were focused on Ap'lek, Kuruk had focused on you.

As the last man standing, Kuruk was awarded the opportunity to hit a Stormtrooper during the next raid without consequence. The Knights moved to help their fallen brothers before leaving the Theater with you and Kylo trailing behind. The rambunctious energy that radiated off the Knights after a fight was enough to make anyone seek the thrill of violence. The laughter and back and forth banter brought a smile to your face even after they turned and started picking on you. Good thing you could give it as good as you took it. Kuruk ran and picked you up, throwing you over his shoulder and ran around the track in the main arena, " _Look at me, I like to hide up high and jump down to attack people from behind._ "

Using your fists to beat into his back, you were unsuccessful in your attempt to get him to stop, giggling the entire time. But you were able to wiggle back enough so that you could wrap your arm around his neck, hand grabbing under the jaw of his mask and you pushed your knees into his chest. Your movement shifted his center of gravity, causing him to tip forward and fall to his hands and knees, still trapped in your grip. " _Oh look at me I'm Kuruk and I like to hide up high were people can't reach me and shoot them when they aren't looking_." You quipped back.

Kuruk rolled away as you loosened your grip, " _That's not true_ , I only hit you when you were _facing me_. _It's not my fault you couldn't see me_." He pushed you back down to the ground as he jogged away to rejoin his brothers who were taunting him.

Kylo extended a hand to help you up which you gladly took. Only then did you realize your leg was bleeding, " _Huh_ , guess we need to do something about that." and you left the arena.

After your shower, Kylo helped to dress your leg with a bactagel patch and wrapped it securely but not too tight. His datapad rang and he was summoned to an unexpected meeting with High Command. He complained as he kissed the bandage before leaving the quarters. You settled in to relax for a bit before you had to complete your work tasks. Your eyelids were heavy and you fell asleep on the couch, a smile on your face from the ease at which you had enjoyed the Knights company and how they supported you, just like Kylo.


	17. Chapter 17

_After your shower, Kylo helped to dress your leg with a bactagel patch and wrapped it securely but not too tight. His datapad rang and he was summoned to an unexpected meeting with High Command. He complained as he kissed the bandage before leaving the quarters. You settled in to relax for a bit before you had to complete your work tasks. Your eyelids were heavy and you fell asleep on the couch, a smile on your face from the ease at which you had enjoyed the Knights company and how they supported you, just like Kylo._

**********

Over the next two weeks, you worked with the Knights to address the weaknesses shown during your Theater run. Ap'lek perfected your stealth tactics along with how to combat long reach weapons such as his vibro-ax; Ushar also trained you on the techniques and mechanics of using his war club. Vicrul and Trudgen preferred their bladed weapons and worked with you on combat tactics specific to that form of weaponry. Cardo fine-tuned your blaster accuracy for close-quarter combat.

Lastly, Kuruk had taken additional time to assist with sniper training utilizing the Theater; it was equipped to simulate a variety of conditions and environments at just the touch of a finger on a datapad. During one such session in the loft of the Theater, you were working on long-distance accuracy while accounting for the weather.

In the simulated rain, visibility was limited and you had to focus all of your energy on maintaining consistency and accuracy. It was exhausting work, mentally and physically. Kuruk, who was impressed with your efforts, removed his helmet and rolled onto his back while you both were in the loft. "Take a moment to relax, I'd say you've more than earned it." He fussed with the controls on the datapad and turned the ceiling into a gorgeous view of deep space with harsh black swirling with vibrant pinks, purples, and blues with a splatter of stars.

You nestled your rifle into the pack he provided and rolled over to join him, looking up at what he had selected. "This is a stunning view Kuruk. What made you pick it?"

He twiddled his thumbs before he spoke, "Life with the First Order doesn't offer much in the way of color and beauty. It's nice to remind yourself of what's out there from time to time."

A smile spread across your face as you turned your head towards him, "Kuruk, that is quite possibly the sweetest thing I think you've ever said." You chided, "Have your brothers heard you talk like that?" You could have sworn you saw his cheeks blush at his revelation, so in contrast with the savage reputation of the Knights of Ren.

He shook his head, "You know, we are all connected by the Force, right?" You nodded your head, unsure of where he was taking the conversation. He continued, gesturing with his hands as he spoke, "I only mean that us Knights have a close bond with Mast- I mean, Ren. And since you've been around, he seems more...stable. Stronger and in control. Which is a drastic change for him, I mean _really_. He hasn't destroyed any property or demolished a passing droid for crossing his path in weeks; it's like a personal record for him."

He paused to chuckle before returning to a serious tone, "His strength and control radiate to us, thus improving us as well. So, I want to say _thank you_ for that." He reached his hand out and wrapped it around yours, squeezing as he spoke.

You felt your cheeks reddening at his words. The impact of your presence on Kylo was something you noticed within his quarters but you never thought about how he would be when you were not together. Kuruk kept his hand on yours as he looked back up to watch the shifting colors.

He took a deep breath, "I do not know your story or how you came to be with the First Order, nor is that my business. Ren did not divulge much other than it was not pleasant and that's why you were joining us for training. The Knights have troubled pasts as well. We really are a ragtag group brought together by darkness and continue to thrive in the shadows."

His thumb began to caress your skin, "Our allegiance is to Ren, _not_ the First Order... with their many transgressions. I mean, when the Knights of Ren, who revel in violence and strife, think something is fucked up, you know it's bad."

Trying to still the quiver in your voice, "Yeah, I grew up in the First Order orphanages until I was sixteen; since then I have been passed around from placement to placement to be used however they saw fit. I've never been in a place where I felt valued for who I am rather than what service I could provide. No one has cared enough to get to know me, not until Kylo. And yeah, I know I'm trapped by the First Order and the Supreme Leader and Hux and anyone else who wanted to shove their weight around. I know I'm only here to do a job, _provide and maintain control in Commander Ren's quarters_. But it feels more than that. Thanks to him and all of you, I don't feel so alone anymore." Using your free hand you wiped your eyes of the tears threatening to fall.

Kuruk shifted to lay on his stomach, angled towards you, with your hand still in his. "With the Force bond, we can feel his emotions too. He is quite... _connected_ to you. He's never felt anything this intensely, not really. It transfers to us so clearly when he feels this strongly. It's been... _hard_ during training when things get... _heated_. Sensing what he feels...what _you_ feel, it can get very..." His eyebrows raised as he rolled his eyes, his voice trailed off unable to find the right words.

He brought your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss into your palm as he flexed your hand open, moving to interlace your fingers. "What I'm trying to say... what I'm failing to say... is that you'll never be alone again, if that is what you choose."

A genuine smile pulled at the corners of your mouth. His gesture felt affectionate but not inappropriate. After all, the men basically shared a hive mind. A thought raced across your mind, "Wait...if he _feels something_... does that mean ALL of you _feel it_?"

A roguish grin blushed his face, "I mean... we don't get the _physical feeling_... but when it's strong enough, it's damn near close." He chuckled as you clutched your free hand to your face, trying to hide your embarrassment. He pulled your hand away from your face, "Don't be like that! It's made for some interesting dreams, that's for sure, but it's good."

Horror struck your face, "Oh fuck. Maker dammit!" How were you going to look at the Knights when now you knew they all dreamt of the things Kylo wanted to do with you, _what_ _he had already done with you_. "This is mortifying!" you shrieked, all the while Kuruk was laughing.

"No, it's not!" He tried reassuring you. "I'm happy for him, truly. To be honest, it's nice to feel something other than his fury and pain all the time. Like taking a moment to remember there is more out there." He motioned towards the sky above him.

"It's right for _him_. You're like the piece he didn't know was missing until you fell perfectly in place. The main reason we have taken to you like we have is because of his attachment to you. No offense, but we aren't the most welcoming bunch and we most definitely don't blend well with you Forceless losers."

He let go of your hand to playfully punch your shoulder before getting up to run away. "Bet you my Stormtrooper free pass that I'll beat you back to the arena!"

Stumbling to your feet to chase after him, "You're going down!" As Kuruk made for the ladder to get down from the loft, you leapt from the ledge to land on a stack of crates, trapezing down until you were on the ground. Kuruk was hot on your heels as you began sprinting towards the hallway leading to the door which marked the finish line. As your hands pressed against the handle Kuruk collided with your back, forcing you both through the door and tumbling to the floor of the arena.

The Knights and their Master turned towards the sound and were ready to attack, unsure of what was going on. As the laughter rolled from you and Kuruk, helping each other from the floor, the men relaxed. "Haha, it's mine now!" You returned his punch from earlier and made your way towards the group.

"Care to share with the class?" Kylo mused.

You grinned widely as you spoke, "Kuruk bet that he would beat me out of the Theater but he was _too slow_!" When you saw Kuruk join the Knights you tried not to think about your conversation too much, scared that your face would give you away. Looking down towards your feet as you spoke, "So, I won and the prize was his Stormtrooper free pass from the Theater run."

Kylo crossed his arms in front of his chest, "And when do you think you'll get the opportunity to use it?"

You bit your lip as you swayed back and forth, " _I didn't think that far_... I just wanted to beat Kuruk." The other Knights were busy teasing Kuruk for losing his free pass.

"You're lucky that training is done for today or we'd go find you a Stormtrooper." Kylo raised his eyebrow at you. "Knights, dismissed." The group made its way toward the exit.

Once back in the quarters, the conversation with Kuruk still weighed heavy on your mind. "Hey, Kylo...can we talk?"

His face scrunched in concern, "Of course, what's wrong?" Apparently, you were not doing a good job concealing your emotions.

He pulled you towards the couch so you both could sit down; his hand never left yours as you settled into a comfortable position.

Taking a deep breath you started, "So, I don't understand much of how the Force works. I have experienced it, like when you pulled memories from me and prior experiences that were _far more painful._ But I don't get the connection that you share with the Knights. It's like you all have a special communicator channel that is just for you."

Kylo's face relaxed, "The Force can do many things. The Knights are Force sensitive but untrained in their usage of it. For them, it's a raw power source, something to tap into to fuel themselves during combat. I have more training and experience with it and can use it in various ways. The _special communicator channel_ as you called it, is a way for the Knights and I to tap into that source and share information. Imagine we are all holding on to the same string, we can tie something to it and pass it along. Does that make sense?"

You nodded your head in understanding. It was a simple enough concept, but the actual practice of the Force was still obscure to you. "I don't have to use the Force to see that there is still something on your mind."

Shyly, you glanced up at him from where you had been watching your hands, "Do the Knights share your emotions through the Force?" His eyes squinted in that way you knew meant he needed to hear more. You huffed, "Fine, I'm just going to say it. When we have sex, do they know? Can they feel it too? Do they know your thoughts... about me and what we do?"

A small smile tried to form on his pressed lips. "They only know what I let them know. I am very protective over you and they feel and match that emotion. You and I have a connection, a bond, whatever you want to call it, that makes me feel comfortable with you, safe, and they connect with those feelings through the Force. That's why training has gone so well, they _really_ don't like _anyone_ , but you're different."

He pulled your hand to his lips, pressing kisses on each finger before setting your hand back down. "As far as the _physical_ side of our relationship, I haven't said anything because it is none of their business. But when I feel a strong emotion, they can sense it and vice versa. It works well in combat or when someone is hurt, that way we can take care of and watch out for each other. I never thought about it before now but I wouldn't be surprised if they had some inkling that there was more between us."

You shook your head at him. "I think there's been more than an inkling shared among you all. Kuruk said something about _interesting dreams_ and _damn near physical feelings_ and I was too scared to even ask." You shuddered. "Would _those_ thoughts and feelings transfer to them?"

He pulled you in close, nestling you under his arm. "No, babe. They can sense my feelings but they don't become their own. As far as dreams go, there may have been a few _frustrated nights_ in the past couple of weeks but I didn't think they would pick up on _that_. With the _physical stuff,_ I don't know the extent it's been... _shared_. The Knights and I haven't been in this...situation before." He chuffed as he rubbed his face. It made you feel better to know you weren't the only one embarrassed. There had to be a way to get things back on track.

"I just had a thought." You sat up and turned to face him. "They are like family. They call each other brother and you're like the oldest one taking care of them all. This is the closest I've been to having friends, to a family. I want to invite them over for dinner and I want to cook for all of you. It can be a _thank you_ for helping with my training. Please?"

He leaned in and kissed you, "I can't tell you no when it comes to food. What are you thinking? My vote is bantha steaks if it counts for anything."

You shrieked, "Ahh! Thank you! Bantha steaks will be _perfect_!" You kissed him again and ran towards the kitchen, sliding on the smooth floor. "Uh, Kylo. We're gonna need a bigger table."

After grabbing the datapad, you joined Kylo back on the couch to order everything for the meal taking place tomorrow night. That would give you time to prep everything and give the boys a heads up.

Kylo put in a special request for a larger table to be delivered to replace his current one. Perks of being Commander, any requests were sent to the top of the list and the table would be delivered today.

You changed clothes and began on your work tasks. First, you cleared the table so it would be easy for the staff to swap it out and made sure nothing would be in the way of their path. You scrubbed the kitchen until it was spotless. Pushing Kylo around the couch, you fluffed pillows and cushions, folded the throw blanket, and dusted until there wasn't a single spot that had not been cleaned.

As you worked, Kylo stayed on the couch, scrolling through mission reports and memos from Hux's office. He paused from time to time to watch you work and glanced away quickly any time you caught him.

The datapad rang, notifying that the table had arrived. Kylo moved to sign for the delivery and you stood in the kitchen watching as the old table was removed and the new table and chairs were assembled. An hour later, there was a large ten-placement table made of metal and glass in the dining space. The table settings would be delivered with the food order tomorrow.

After dinner, Kylo and you retired to the couch to watch another holofilm. He played with your hair and you dozed off with your head in his lap.


	18. Chapter 18

_After dinner, Kylo and you retired to the couch to watch another holofilm. He played with your hair and you dozed off with your head in his lap._

____________

During training the following morning, you were curious about how much the Knights were able to pick up from you so you decided to put it to the test.

You were sparring with Vicrul and thought your moves loudly in your head, focusing the words in his direction. The scored metal mask didn't give anything away but he reacted instantaneously to your every move. After a few rounds, you decided it was time to mix it up. Now you randomly did the opposite of what you were thinking and you were able to catch him by surprise and pin him to the floor. You lowered your head beside his mask, "It might help if you focus on me and not my thoughts."

Vicrul inverted your hold and quickly had you pinned under him. "I'd be able to if you weren't yelling them at me. What are you trying to get at anyway?"

You tried to escape his hold but only made it a few inches across the floor before he had you trapped again. "Nothing... nothing at all." You beamed a sarcastic grin up at his mask.

He groaned as he pulled you up from the floor to stand, "Kuruk opened his fat mouth, didn't he?" and turned towards his brother.

Shaking your head, perhaps a bit too quickly, "Nope. He hasn't said anything. Is there something _you_ want to tell me?"

You heard a growl rumble in this throat as he turned back to face you. Vicrul was one of the more serious Knights. "Listen here, there is a line of respect that we Knights do not cross when it comes to Master Ren. His Force projections, whether he means to share them with us or not, are _his_. Kuruk should know better than to pay attention to things that don't concern him. He needs a lesson in self-control."

He removed his mask to look you directly in the eyes. "Your relationship with Master Ren is between the two of you. There will be no interference from the Knights. No doubt you know that we Knights are not accepting of outsiders but Master Ren has chosen you. That means our respect for him extends to you now."

Vicrul stepped closer to you and lowered his voice, "My only words of warning, tread carefully. He believes he is strong but I think we both know how fragile he really is." He paused to glance at Kylo before looking back at you, "We both care for him, in our own ways; continue to help him and you'll earn my respect on your own merit." He crossed his arm over his chest and slightly bent forward into a bow to which you reciprocated.

He turned to face the group and placed a hand on your shoulder, shifting you to look as well. You felt a warmth spread into your mind. With Vicrul's help, you witnessed a deeper connection within the relationship between Master and Knights. You could see the waves roll off of each man, supporting and comforting those around him. They truly were connected and you finally saw it. It brought tears to your eyes.

"Now you see." Vicrul placed his helmet on his head and walked towards his family and you realized it was your family too.

Taking a few moments to collect yourself, you walked over to the rambunctious group. "Hey, guys..." Your voice was lost in the cacophony. Now yelling, "Boys!" Causing them to stop and look at you in bewilderment while Kylo had a smug look on his face. "Now that I have your attention. I don't know how to thank all of you for taking me in and helping with my training. It's been more than I ever thought possible. The best way I know to show gratitude is with delicious food. So, I would like to invite all of you to dinner tonight."

The Knights shifted and looked to their Master for approval. "Don't look at me. This is her doing." Kylo pointed their attention back to you.

Cardo was the first to speak. "You're gonna cook? For all of us?" Motioning to the line of large men. You nodded to answer his question.

Ushar chimed in, "Does that mean we are graced with the same delicacies Master Ren has been raving about?"

"Yes, Ushar. I have planned for bantha steaks, mixed vegetables, and a surprise dessert. That is unless you have any other requests."

Trudgen steps forward and engulfs you in a massive hug, picking you up off the floor. "It's about damn time, little one. I've been waiting for the real thing since Ren Force-shared a taste."

Kylo covered his face with his hands and groaned in frustration, "I've already apologized! _I didn't know_ I was being that loud and it won't happen again."

Cardo slapped him on the back, "Oh, you're never living this down. But it is good to know someone around here isn't feeling _blue_ anymore." The laughter that rolled from the group was only stifled when Cardo hit the ground, thrown by Kylo's Force hold. "Okay...Okay...I yield." and held his hands up in surrender, still laughing.

"I'll leave you boys to handle that business. I can't wait to see everyone tonight. Please dress casually and weapons are not needed." You shook your head and walked towards the exit, ready to start preparations for dinner.

Having made it back safely to the quarters on your own, you set to work. You started with dessert and placed the chocolate cake in the oven so you would have time for it to cool and decorate before everyone arrived. Even after cleaning the quarters last night, your anxiety had kicked into overdrive and you were rushing to complete random tasks that popped in your head. When the door swished open signaling Kylo's return, you were in a full frenzy.

Kylo, seeing you in such a state, walked over to you and wrapped his arms around you from behind. "You're thinking too much. I could feel your panic down the hallway."

You tried, and failed, to shrug him off, "I just want everything to be perfect tonight."

He turned you around and held you by the shoulders. "I'm sure it will be. But you aren't any good to anyone in a state such as this. Come on." He grabbed your hand and walked towards his bedroom.

Digging in your heels, "Kylo, I can't, I've got-" He hushed you with a single finger over your lips.

His hand trailed to pinch your chin, lifting your face to look at his. "The only thing you have to do right now is let me take care of you." The mischievous grin had returned to his face and you knew what he had in mind.

"Alright, but if dessert is ruined, you get to be the one to tell them." Picking you up over his shoulder, he walked towards the bedroom.

He stopped to look at the bed, freshly made with new sheets and linens. "Damn, I didn't get here in time before you changed the bed. I guess we're heading to the refresher." He moved on to the next room.

Kylo set you down against the wall, pinning your hands above your head. His lips crashed into yours with a fervent need. He shifted to hold both your wrists in one hand so this other hand could grope up and down your curves; his moan echoed into your mouth as he cupped your breasts. He trailed down to kiss along your neck as his hand moved inside your pants, sliding around your mound and dipping into your wetness.

"Fuuuccccc..." tumbled from your mouth as his fingers filled you. He slid in and out of you, coating his fingers in your juices before moving up to swirl around your clit. You bit your lip and pulled it deep into your mouth, your head relaxing to the side to give him more access to your skin. Whimpers fell from your lips as your legs started to shake with the increased pressure.

Removing his hand before you were able to cum, Kylo commanded, "Take your top off..." He released your hands and you immediately grasped the hem to pull it over your head as he sank to his knees to begin working on your pants. Kylo was kissing and licking the salt off your skin as your pants and panties were pulled to the floor and off your ankles.

You pushed him back to lay on the floor and crawled on top of him. Kissing and biting through his shirt while your hands ran underneath to move it out of your way. Now that you had access, you licked his skin as your hands loosened his pants and pulled them down just enough to let his erection pop free. You covered his tip and you pushed down until he was at the back of your throat, pooling more spit in your mouth. Once his length was slick with your spit, you moved to straddle his waist, desperately needing him deep inside of you.

His substantial girth split you wide as you settled against his pelvis, hands resting on his chest. "Maker, yes... your cock feels so good in me." With his hands on your hips, Kylo rocked you back and forth, grinding you against him to stimulate your clit while filling you completely.

"Fuck babe, you feel so tight around my cock. You feel fucking amazing." Smirking down at him, you began bouncing up and down. Using him to hit your sweet spot with each movement while you rubbed your swollen and sensitive clit.

Stars were forming in your eyes as your pleasure grew. You clenched around him as your orgasm peaked, "Cum with me, Kylo. Fuck.... " He began thrusting up into you chasing his own release. Within a few pumps, he was filling your cunt with cum, moaning praises until he was breathless.

You leaned down and kissed his nose, "Thank you, Sir. Now let's get clean." He gasped from sensitivity as you stood up and moved to turn on the shower. Turning around to offer Kylo a hand up off the floor, you found he was already standing behind you, eyes still blown black, wide with lust. "No, no, no. We can't go again. I have food in the oven. But if you behave, maybe you can get a second dessert." You stepped under the shower, letting the hot water wash over you and Kylo stepped in to join you. Helping each other clean up, the shower was quickly done and you walked back to your room wrapped in a large towel. You changed into a casual black dress and walked barefoot to the kitchen to start preparing the rest of the meal. Just in time, the alarm sounded reminding you to remove the cake and let it cool.

As you were setting out the ingredients Kylo asked, "How can I help?" He was wearing black pants and a black v-neck short sleeve t-shirt, also barefoot.

"Umm... if you could take that stuff and finish up the table that would be a big help."

He grabbed the items and moved to set the table, "No problem, babe."

By the time Kylo had finished with the table you had prepped all your items and had the mixed vegetables in the oven with oil and seasonings. He stood beside you in the kitchen, watching as you began pan-frying the bantha steaks with the seasoned butter. The kitchen was flooded with the aromatics of your seasonings and you caught Kylo licking his lips a few times.

You had the last steak in the pan when the datapad notified that someone was at the door. Kylo granted access and the Knights who walked in wearing clothes similar to their Master; no masks, crew-cut t-shirts, thick pants, and boots, all in black.

"Hey there boys, perfect timing! I'm wrapping up now. Have a seat."

The men moved to sit at the table and Kylo removed the two extra chairs to allow each person more room. They were talking about a modification to the Night Buzzard as you bought them drinks. Once the meal was plated, you brought Kylo his plate first before serving the rest of the men and silence fell throughout the room. You took your place on the opposite end of the table from Kylo, "What are you waiting for? Let's eat."

You watched as the boys picked up their silverware and began to eat. The faces made when they finally tasted the savory meal was the best compliment you could receive. Unable to focus on anything else, they took the first couple bites in silence before Trudgen mumbled with a full mouth, "This is _way better_ than Ren led us to believe. Can we come over every week?" Several voices murmured in agreement with wide eyes and enthusiastic nods.

Kylo, who just took a bite of steak, smiled at you when you looked to him. "I think that's a great idea." You turned to look down both sides of the table, each man perfectly content in the moment and you felt your heart swell.

Ushar was the next to speak, "I will need this recipe from you if you don't mind sharing."

Pushing his brother, Cardo replied, "Ushar don't pretend your cooking experiments could ever compare to _this._ " He pointed to his plate for emphasis.

Feigning offense, Ushar pushed Cardo back. "My cooking is better than anything you could do."

Kuruk inserted himself into the conversation, "That's not saying much, for either of you. There is a reason why we live off of portions when we travel."

Taken aback by the thought of portions, "Well, I can't have that. Those things are disgusting and nutritionally horrible for you." You said with a tone of authority. "What?" You queried. "I can't have my trainers wasting away on that shit. That won't help me at all." Laughter bubbled from your lips and was matched by the men around you.

Once the plates were cleared Kylo brought out the same alcohol from your first meal with him and poured glasses for everyone. Raising his glass he spoke, "If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be where I am now, I would have cut them down and called them a liar. I'm glad to know I would have been wrong. I extend my sincerest gratitude to each of you for the contributions you have made to the man I am today. I hope to return the efforts and prove the energy was not wasted on me"

He paused to take a breath before continuing, "I would like to make a toast to family. All of us here have an arduous past filled with neglect and pain. I am thankful we have been able to come together to move forward from those ties and create something for ourselves. So, _I toast to us and our new family_."

The room echoed with " _to us and our family_ " as glasses clinked.

After a deep pull from your drink, Vicrul broke the silence, "Alright, alright. Now that we got the emotional stuff out of the way, let's drink and play some games. Cardo, I hope you came prepared, I'm gonna take all your credits." He winked at you and pulled a pack of cards out from his pocket. The boys settled into a spirited game of cards as you moved to finalize the dessert.

Kylo walked behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. "Hey, hands off around them." As you nodded your head towards the table.

He kissed your neck, "They are in _our home_ , they can deal with it. _We are family anyway._ " You smiled as you nuzzled your face against his. He stepped back so that you could slice the fruit to decorate the cake. You assembled the cake with layers of frosting and sliced pieces for everyone. Kylo then helped carry the plates to the table.

Ushar groaned, "I forgot you said there was dessert!" and picked up his cake with his fingers to lift it to his mouth.

"Don't be a heathen, Ushar." You thrust the fork into his cake and picked up the cloth napkin to wipe his face. "I don't want to treat you like a child but I will if I have to." Taunting him. He laughed as he pulled the napkin from your hands.

Kylo pulled you into his lap and you shared a plate, alternating between feeding you and taking bites for himself.

After dessert, everyone merrily drank and continued with card games for several hours. Kylo taught you the basics of the game and helped you win a few rounds. Once Vicrul had won all of Cardo's money, the Knights took this as their sign to leave. Each man stood to thank you for dinner and to make requests for the next meal before leaving.

The door swished shut behind the Knights, leaving you and Kylo alone again. He was in the kitchen, rinsing off the plates and cups from dinner. "I think tonight went very well, don't you?"

You stood beside him, taking his usual place to dry and put the items away. "I think so. Your toast was surprising though. I didn't pick you for a big softie in front of the boys." You bumped your shoulder against his arm. He only shrugged and continued washing until the sink was empty.

Kylo turned to you, "Now I recall you saying something about a second dessert?" His hands wrapped around your waist and he lowered to kiss your lips. "I'll be having that now." He picked you up and carried you to the dining table, setting you gently on the edge as he sunk to his knees.

His large hands gripped your knees and spread your legs wide. He bit his lip and looked back up at you, "Naughty girl. If I had known you weren't wearing panties, I would have made dinner much more pleasurable for you."

"A lady never shares her secrets." You purred down to him. Lacing your fingers into his hair, you pulled him close to claim his dessert. He moaned at the taste, his tongue coated with your slick. The prominent nose that blessed his face buried deliciously against your clit as his tongue explored your throbbing core. "Mmmm... thank you for making me feel so good, Sir."

He rose to stand between your legs, "Lucky for you, that's only the first course." He smirked as he pulled you off the table to turn you around and forced your chest flat against the glass surface. His hands ran up the sides of your thighs to pull your dress up over your ass. "Are you ready for more? This next part has quite the bite to it."

"Yes, Sir." You cooed as you looked over your shoulder at him, wiggling your hips to tease him. The harsh slap against your ass immediately went to your core. The quickie in the refresher earlier was nice, but you did enjoy this so much more. You needed the intensity, the pain with the pleasure, you needed all of him.

A second, harder slap hit in the same place as the first and you felt the heat growing on your skin. "I need to hear you, sweet girl." The third slap switched to your other cheek providing a fresh sensation. After the fourth, the moans rolled from your mouth unhindered. He continued until your ass was covered in red welts, pausing only to caress the tender skin with his hand and to place gentle kisses with his lips.

His fingers trailed along your ass until they slid into your wetness. "Such a naughty girl. Your cunt loves it when I'm rough, when I make it hurt." Two thick fingers sunk into your core and your walls quivered around him. "Then I make you feel so good. No one will ever compare to me."

Moans and whimpers escaped your mouth. You tried to pull your hand to your mouth for something to bite on but found Kylo was holding your arms against the table with the Force. "Aghhh... this isn't fair." You whined against his hold.

He chuckled behind you while his fingers continued their ministrations, your core growing tight as your pleasure grew. "Don't be a brat. Let me take care of you. Let me make you feel better than the Knights ever could."

Your head snapped back to him at his words. The smirk on his face was coated with salacious intent. "You heard me. I can make you feel better than they could. Even with all of them together, they couldn't match the pleasure I give you."

A moan rumbled in your throat at the thought. Images of you surrounded in darkness, several hands on you at once, each trying to push you over the edge but not getting you close enough to fall. One face came into focus; when your eyes locked with Kylo's, your pleasure burst from your core throwing you into an intense orgasm. Screaming his name, you fell apart around his fingers. "You see? No one can give you what I do."

He withdrew his fingers and slapped your ass again before thrusting deep into you. Your slick coated him instantly and he groaned in ecstasy. His left hand grabbed your hip and his right hand rested between your shoulder blades, holding you against the table as he furiously claimed your pussy. "You are mine. This cunt is mine. Do you understand?"

Words caught in your throat as he pushed you deeper against the table, the glass edge digging into your thighs.

His right hand moved to grip your shoulder and pulled you up to his chest, his hand settling around your throat. "When I ask you a question, I expect an answer." His left hand smacked your thigh, heightening the sensations on your skin. Continuing to bury his cock into your core aggressively, Kylo added an intense pressure against your clit with the Force.

"Fuuucccckkkkkk..." Profanities and unintelligible words ripped from your throat as the tension in your body peaked.

He chuckled sinisterly into your ear, "Answer me and I'll let you cum."

So close to the edge, you raised your hand to surround his at your throat and pressed into his fingers. "I'm yours... only yours." The words tore you open as you shattered around him. The cathartic release of your built-up tension was intoxicating as pleasure washed over your body.

The growl from his chest as he found his own release echoed throughout the room. "Maker damn it... yes... you're mine... and I'm yours." His hips stilled with his release while his hair tickled your skin as he kissed and bit your shoulder and neck.

Your limbs were weak from his rough affection so he picked you up and carried you to bed. After tucking you in and getting a glass of water for each of you he curled up behind you. "I meant what I said. I'm yours as much as you are mine." He kissed your back and nuzzled into your hair.

"I know, Kylo, and I wouldn't want anything else in the galaxy because I have everything right here." You kissed his hand and drifted into a deep peaceful sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

_"I know Kylo and I wouldn't want anything else in the galaxy because I have everything right here." You kissed his hand and drifted into a deep peaceful sleep._

********

Training the next morning was sluggish for all of you. Kuruk complained as he ran, "Alcohol was not a good idea. I feel like I'm gonna puke."

Trudgen was right behind him, "I swear if you puke, I'm gonna puke and then I'll kick your ass for making me sick."

Your head was pounding with each footfall as you jogged around the track. Apparently all of you had too much to drink last night, Kylo included.

"Fuck, I'm calling it. We're all miserable and we don't need to make it any worse when we have a mission tomorrow." Kylo bent forward, resting his hands on his thighs.

The Knights surrounded him, all in various postures of discomfort. "What's the mission, Master?" Vicrul inquired.

Kylo stood up straight, "Going to Takodana to collect data from an informant inside the New Republic. It's considered neutral territory so if we are discovered, our presence won't overtly alarm anyone but it is preferable that we remain discreet. Cardo, I'm looking at you." Breathless and unable to speak, Cardo held his hands up to show he heard the message loud and clear.

Everyone filed out of the arena and made their way to their quarters to pack for the mission the next day. "I'll send mission specifics later today." Kylo nodded and dismissed the Knights as he turned down a side hallway that didn't lead towards his quarters.

"Where are we going?" You whispered to him, trying not to draw attention from the passersby. Kylo led you into a store room filled to the brim with supplies.

He picked up a large bag and handed it to you. "We can't have you going on a mission empty handed. Go pick your supplies. Plan for two days." Even through the mask, you could hear the smile on his face.

You squealed with excitement as you walked up and down the aisles, handpicking items and making plans in your head. "I think I'm going to need a bigger bag, there are eight of us after all." You chuckled as you turned to face him.

Kylo walked forward to collect the bag from your hands. "I should have known." The helmet shook as he handed you a datapad. "Place your order for what you need and I'll have it delivered directly to the Night Buzzard." You continued walking through the room, using the items around you for inspiration.

After the order was complete, Kylo walked with you back to the quarters. "I have one more surprise for you." He placed his hand over your eyes and led you into the dining space. "Keep your eyes closed for me sweet girl."

You heard him walk across the room and something moved on the glass table. "Okay. Open your eyes." Your lids slowly rose to see Kylo standing behind the table with a large black box in front of him. He had removed his mask, cloak, and gloves and stood with his hands gripping the back of the chair as you stepped forward.

Lifting the lid off the box you were presented with several items. On top, encased with black leather, was a set of vibrodaggers like the ones you favored during training. Your eyes lit up realizing they were yours to keep. Kylo nodded for you to keep going, his hands flexing on the chair. 

  
The next item consisted of a combat uniform reinforced with protective plates of armor subtly concealed in the design. It included arm gauntlets that matched. "Kylo, this is... incredible. Thank you."

He smiled and ran a hand through his hair. "There's more, keep going."

You clutched the combat uniform to your chest again before setting it down on the table. Picking up a leather strapped item, confused you looked to Kylo, "What's this?"

Chuckling, he reached across the table and organized the straps to show how it fit on your waist. It was a belt holster for the dual daggers he had given you. "Ohhh..." was all you could say with your eyebrows raised. It was provocative and fierce and it was yours. There was a second holster that fit your shoulders for additional blades and blasters that matched.

  
The next item in the box was a set of black compact blasters that fit perfectly in the shoulder holster. 

  
The smile could not be erased from your face as you picked up the last item from the box.

It was an hooded long coat that touched the floor at your heels and tapered up to your hips, with the option of clasping together in the front. It was made of the same material as his cloak. By the weight of it you knew it was constructed with concealed armor plates as well. You clutched it to your face, burying your head as tears formed in your eyes.

Kylo was beside you with his hands lifting your face to his. "Hey, it's okay. You're okay." He wiped the tears from your cheek.

Hiccuping as you went to speak, "They're happy tears. No one has given me a gift before. Let alone one as perfect as this!" You laid the coat down on the table and jumped up to kiss Kylo. He grabbed you in the air and you wrapped your legs around him.

He kissed you sweetly. "I'm glad you like them. Go and try them on to make sure I got the correct fit." Kylo sat you down and helped you to carry the items to your room so you could change. Playfully, he smacked your ass as he moved to leave, "Don't keep me waiting too long, little Miss Badass," and shut the door behind him.

You giggled excitedly as you peeled off your training uniform and slid into your new combat gear. It fit perfectly, snug to your body but did not restrict your movement. Surprisingly, even with the armor plating, the uniform was easy to move in. Next, you threaded your arms into the shoulder holster and secured it in place under your bust. The leather gauntlets slid on easily and did not move once in place.

Picking up the hip holster you clasped it around your hips and then around each thigh. Testing the fit, you did a few squats and everything stayed in place. You placed the blasters and daggers in their respective places and picked up your long coat. This was the cherry on top. The coat fell close to your torso with enough give to hide your holsters and was still flattering to your shape. You secured the coat in the front and looked at yourself in the mirror. Indeed, you looked the part of Miss Badass, ready to seamlessly blend in with the Knights of Ren and their Master.

Trying to maintain a serious expression, you called to Kylo, "Now it's your turn to close your eyes." He grumbled but did as he was told. You cracked the door open to make sure his eyes were closed before fully opening the door. Kylo was sitting on a dining chair that he had pulled out from the table to face towards your room. "Keep them closed." Slowly, you tried to walk as quietly as possible towards him.

When you touched his hands he jerked slightly, a smirk forming in the corner of his mouth, "What are you up to?"

The excitement you felt overshadowed any lingering effects from the alcohol and you knew Kylo felt the same. You guided his hands to feel along the coat as it hugged your curves, letting him feel the smooth texture that covered your body. He hummed as you led his hands under the coat and down your hips to the holster that held your daggers. The hum transformed into a low growl as his fingers trailed over the leather straps secured to your thighs. He pushed his hands back to grip your ass, pulling you closer to him until you were standing between his legs. "Can I open my eyes yet or do you plan on torturing me all day?"

His eyebrows raised as the sound of a dagger leaving the sheath cut the air but he didn't retreat from his grip on you. Trailing the tip of the blade up his sleeve to tickle his neck, you watched his throat bounce as he swallowed. "I'm having far too much fun torturing you right now." He groaned in frustration but the smile on his face told you he was enjoying your play with power. "If you want to see me... beg for it."

Kylo's face turned slightly towards the sound of your voice, "Excuse me, did you say beg?" To answer his question you moved the blade up to rest against his lips, tapping the flat edge of the blade against his mouth. In your head you thought, 'Use your words, Sir. I want to hear you.' and watched for his reaction.

His lips parted into a full smile as he listened to your thought, "Please, may I open my eyes?" He said against the blade.

"Hmm... I think you can do better than that." Arousal was heavy on your tongue.

A dark voice met your arousal, "Please. Please let me see you so I can worship your body like the goddess you are." His mouth parted allowing his tongue to lick up the blade. In your mind you could see his tongue licking the curves of your body.

You tapped the blade against his mouth one more time before pulling it away and resting your hand on his shoulder. "That's a good start. I've got a better use in mind for that tongue." Your free hand moved to trace his lips. "Open for your goddess."

His lips parted immediately, desperate for your attention. Dipping a finger past his perfect lips, you grazed the pad of your thumb along the tops of his teeth. The same teeth, that when pressed into your flesh, gave you pleasure. His tongue moved impatiently to feel you. To punish him, you hooked your thumb into the bottom of his mouth and pressed your finger up from under his chin, pinching him in place.

"I did not give your tongue permission to touch me. Do you consent to your punishment?" You fed his words back to him with a wicked grin.

A whimper quaked in his throat. He mumbled, "Yes goddess, I consent."

You stepped back and pulled away from him, making his hands fall into his lap. "Stand up and put your hands behind your back."

Silently he stood, his stance wide, and laced his fingers behind his back, his mind was heady with anticipation. You moved to slide the chair away from him, making sure it scraped loudly across the floor. His fingers flexed into themselves, testing the limits of his restraint.

Standing back in front of him, "Do you trust me?" you asked, replicating his control from your previous punishment. He nodded in approval. You flipped the dagger and used the hilt to trace the bulge trapped in his pants. He gasped at the contact and bit his lip to silence himself. A low chuckle flowed from your lips as you moved to your knees in front of him. You pulled the dagger away and returned it to its sheath and flared the coat out behind you. Leaning forward you kissed up his thigh as your hands rested against his hips. You used your nose to tease his length and more moans erupted from his mouth.

You enjoyed watching his muscles flex under his pants as his tension built. Giving in to mercy, you lowered his pants enough to allow his erection to bounce free. His panting increased, "Thank you... goddess."

Teasing him more, you placed kisses on his exposed hips. The trimmed hair at his base tickled your lips as you moved up his shaft. By the time you reached his tip, it was dripping with his arousal. The tip of your tongue was a ghost against his skin as you licked his head. A loud groan rumbled from his chest. You smacked his length and he yelped from the sudden harsh contact.

"You'll take what I give you and you'll be grateful for it." As soon as the last word left your mouth you pushed your lips past his head and swirled your hot tongue around him.

His head fell back, "Fuck yes. Thank you. I'm grateful, my goddess." You reveled in the control you had over him in this moment and you knew your panties were soaked. You continued to move your mouth up and down his shaft, working him further down your throat until your nose was flush against his pelvis. Pulling away to gasp for breath, you removed your gauntlets, wrapped your hands around his length and twisted your wrists as you pumped.

You licked his slit while continuing your movement, "Your goddess wants you to cum," and your mouth covered him, sealing his head with tight lips and sucking in rhythm with your hands.

The muscles in his thighs were twitching furiously as his orgasm peaked. You moaned around him, the added vibration sent him over the edge. "Goddess..." tumbled from his lips as he filled your mouth with hot cum. You continued pumping him until he was drained completely.

Moving to sit back on your heels, you pushed 'Open your eyes' into his mind. His head fell forward before he opened his heavy lids to look down at you. You saw the black pupils overtake his honey irises as you made him watch you play with his cum in your mouth before swallowing it in a single gulp.

He was panting like a wild animal trapped in a cage. A ravenous hunger shook his frame as he tried to stay in place, every fiber of his being fought against his imposed restraint. "Please... let me worship you."

Reaching your hands out for his, he finally broke them free from behind his back. When you grabbed them they were marked with bloody crescents where his nails had dug into flesh. After rising to your feet, you pulled his hands to your mouth to kiss the weeping wounds. The metallic taste on your tongue was more intoxicating than any alcohol.

You looked up to meet his eyes and pulled his face down to yours for a passionate kiss. Tongues caressed and explored each other until you both were breathless. He paused and pulled his lips away while his forehead rested on yours. Opening your eyes you found him looking at your face, completely at peace.

"So, what do you think?" You stepped back and slowly spun so he could take it all in.

Kylo stood watching you for several moments, "I think..." He met your face silently asking for permission to move, which you permitted.

With your blessing, he had transformed and was now stalking towards you like a primal beast. "I think that you, my goddess, are fierce and I bemoan any deplorable soul that opposes you. But at this moment, you're mine to worship how I see fit."

His hand trailed along your body as he circled you. "Take your coat off."

"Gladly, Sir." You shrugged out of the garment and placed it over the back of a chair next to you. The shoulder holster with your blasters and the hip harness holding your daggers were on full display.

Kylo was now standing in front of you, "You won't be needing these today." and he released the blasters and set them on the table. His hand moved to rub his chin as he thought about his next instruction. "Remove your top so I can pay homage to your perfect breasts."

He pulled a chair out to sit down again staring directly at you while you unlatched the shoulder straps and dropped your holster to the floor. You slowly released the clasps over your cleavage to give you more space to pull your top over your head. Next, you trailed your fingers down the curves of your chest and dipped your fingers under your pants and belt to untuck your shirt. Carefully you took the bottom hem in your hands and lifted it up and tossed it to the floor. The only item left to cover your breasts was a compression bra. His eyes intensely watched you remove the final barrier to his personal sanctum. 

Now bare before him as he requested, you walked forward to stand between his legs. His hands caressed your hips and slid over the daggers in their sheaths. "My goddess is safe with me." He plucked them away and placed them on the table just out of reach.

Kylo wrapped his hands up the back of your thighs taking extra time to trace along the garter straps of your hip harness. His large hands claimed your ass as he pulled your breast into his mouth. He rolled your hard nipple between his teeth before moving to devour it entirely. Playing with the sensitive skin, his tongue lapped at your peak.

His hands moved up to massage your back as he shifted his attention to your other breast. A moan poured from deep in your throat at his affection and you ran your fingers through his hair as he worked your body into a frenzy.

Becoming more aggressive, he started placing bite marks across your chest as his fingers dug into your skin, holding you in place. Sharp gasps shook your frame when the pain peaked and then faded into pleasure.

Distracted by the sensation covering your chest you failed to realize he had removed your hip harness and was in the process of unfastening your pants to pull them down. He had them over your ass before he pulled his face from your breasts. "May I kneel before my goddess to worship at her alter?"

In a lust filled haze, you slowly stepped back. His hands on your hips guided you to sit on the edge of the table as he knelt in front of you. Delicately he removed your pants and panties and placed them with the rest of your clothing.

He began kissing up your legs while his hands massaged any flesh they found. When his fingers caught behind your knee, he lifted your leg to prop your foot on the chair he had sat on. Kylo pushed your knee to the side opening yourself for him. Resuming his trail of kisses and bites along your inner thigh, he looked up at you before his mouth found your folds. The heat of his mouth in contrast with the cold air around you caused your skin to shiver.

Your hands gripped tightly on the edge of the table while he greedily lapped at your juices. As his tongue explored your core, his wonderful nose teased your clit.

Loud moans were flowing uninhibitedly as your pleasure grew. His fingers found their home inside you against the spongy flesh that made you melt in his hands. He eagerly slid his fingers in and out to strike your g-spot until you came undone around him, his mouth never leaving your clit. Your hand grabbed his hair and pulled him into your core as you came screaming his name; rolling your hips to grind yourself against him so he could taste how good he made you feel. Your legs were shaking as he guided you through your orgasm that electrified your body. Unable to hold yourself up anymore you fell back and laid on the table. The cool glass was refreshing against your hot skin.

He rose to stand, running his tongue over his lips and sucking his fingers. "Has my goddess been appeased or does she require more devotions?"

You shifted your arms under you to rest on your forearms and gazed at him. The look on your face conveyed your wanting, "My desire has not been subdued and your goddess craves more."

Kylo leaned over you, "As you wish." His arms weave under your back and knees to carry you to his bed.

He placed you gently in the center of the bed before moving to pull off his tunic and undershirt. A devious grin spread across his face as his powerful hands ripped the fabric of his undershirt into a long strip. Entranced by his strength, you mewled as he tied your wrists together. "My goddess said she needed to be subdued. Is this satisfactory?" You wiggled against your restraint and slipped a hand free. Shrugging up at him you giggled.

A deep growl rumbled in his chest. "I will take pleasure in your submission, my goddess. You are at the mercy of your worshipers after all."

Kylo flipped you onto your stomach, knelt around your hips, and pulled your arms behind your back. With more tension than before, he bent your arms at the elbows and wrapped the fabric around your forearms, forcing them to stay parallel to each other as he secured your binds.

He used his fingertips to trace the skin along your arms and back, teasing you with his touch. "My goddess has been very demanding and needs a lesson on who is in control." His left fist clenched into your hair and pulled your head to the side so that his breath was hot against your cheek. "So tell me, who is in control?"

You weren't going to make this easy for him, there was no fun in that. You kept your mouth shut and didn't make a sound, only raising your eyebrow in defiance.

"Hmm... it appears you may have lost your voice. Let me find it for you." He shifted to kneel by your left side and released his grip from your hair to grab the back of your neck. Pulling you up from the bed to press your torso into his chest, he shoved the fingers of his right hand into your mouth until you gagged. With spit pooling in your throat, he continued savagely fucking your mouth with his fingers until you were drooling down your chest. "Have you found your voice yet?"

Gasping for air after he removed his fingers, you looked him in the eye and spat. Reading your intentions, he knowingly covered your mouth with his hand, catching the spit and rubbing it into your face. "Ahh... we are getting close." He used his left hand on your neck to shove your face into the covers as his right hand plunged into your throbbing core.

You bit your lip to capture the moan in your mouth while his fingers rocked against your walls. He knew exactly how to work your body to the depths of ecstasy. The pressure was almost unbearable as your orgasm threatened to overtake you. Kylo pulled his hand away before you found release. "How about now?" You shook your head 'no' the best you could with his hand pushing on your neck.

"Hmm... I'll have to look somewhere else." Kylo's fingers floated over your folds until he reached your swollen clit. He began furiously circling the sensitive nerves under the rough pads of his fingers. Your hips arched off the bed trying to escape the intense sensation that was shredding your nerves. "Ah ah ah... no running away." Kylo moved his left hand from your neck to grab your bound forearms and pressed down into your back, effectively pinning your torso to the bed. He continued his tortuous affection until you were shaking in his hands. Again, he removed his hand as you approached the edge of your orgasm.

Kylo chuckled as he continually denied your release. "Tell me, goddess, have you found your voice?" Through your frustrated whimpers, you shook your head again. "I would be happy to grant you the release you are desperate for. All you have to do is ask for it." His fingers explored your folds, spreading your slick up to your ass. "Give in to it."

A groan rumbled in your throat as his thumb rubbed against your hole. The new sensation was exhilarating. Kylo slid his fingers into your pussy as his thumb pressed into your ass. The full feeling was something you had never experienced. He settled his thumb inside you while his fingers thrust against your sweet spot. Your head was swimming from the overstimulation. He cooed, "Who's in control?"

Unable to resist anymore, you submitted. "You are, Kylo... You are! Please!" He growled as the words left your lips.

"There's my good girl. Now that you acknowledge who is in control, I'll allow your release." His fingers continued their assault on your frayed nerves and you felt the tension build to new heights. The moment before your world could shatter around him, he removed his hand. You cried from the denial of your orgasm and flailed against the bed. "Don't be like that. I said I'd allow it, not that you would get it right then."

He shuffled behind you, pulled your ass into the air, and teased your clit with his hard cock. Pressing into your folds, he slowly stretched your walls to fit his engorged shaft. Kylo groaned as you pulsed around him; his every movement coaxed moans of pleasure from your body.

While he thrust into you, his thumb returned to your ass. Profanities erupted from your mouth as he filled both of your holes. His left hand grabbed your forearms to use as leverage to control your movements. Kylo felt your muscles contract around him as the pressure threatened to rip you apart. "Yes, my goddess...let go."

Kylo's words were the final push you needed to sink into the dark abyss of desire and every fiber of your being was set on fire, burning harshly against the blackness that surrounded you. Release flooded your body in waves as he was thrown into his own intense orgasm. He slowly pumped himself into you until he could handle no more. Gently, he removed his thumb and slid out of you, pausing only to unlace your restraints before laying beside you and pulling you to his chest.

Your face was wet with tears as a result of your all-consuming passion and release. Kylo kissed your forehead to quell the violent energy left in your body. Without saying a word, he lifted you up and carried you to the shower.

He delicately washed your body and spent extra time massaging your shoulders and arms until they were no longer sore from holding the unusual angle. His fingers combed through your hair until it was smooth.

Kylo shifted to place his head under the water to rinse his own hair and you could not stand the distance, even if it was only an arms length. You wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his chest. He hummed at your touch and the vibrations in his chest was the most relaxing sound you had ever heard.

Once dry after the shower, you both crawled in bed bare of clothing, desperate to feel the others skin on your own. You pushed him to lay on his back and crawled up to rest your body on top of his. As you nestled your ear to his heart, he traced circles on your back until you both fell asleep.


	20. Chapter 20

_Once dry after the shower, you both crawled in bed bare of clothing, desperate to feel the others' skin on your own. You pushed him to lay on his back and crawled up to rest your body on top of his. As you nestled your ear to his heart, he traced circles on your back until you both fell asleep._

******

When you awoke the next morning, your body was buzzing with pent up energy. The events of yesterday were overwhelming; finding out about the mission that _you_ would be going on, the power play between you and Kylo while fucking, him caring for you in such a tender way after being so dominant. He even prepared everything for the mission, including packing your items, while you slept.

Kylo had assumed his usual stern expression that you had experienced during his mission a few weeks ago. You didn't push him, knowing he had an immense responsibility for getting the information and more importantly, for keeping his Knights safe. You were able to feel his tension in your own muscles and it was trying to rip you apart. A few steadying breaths and you were ready to grab your bags and head to the Night Buzzard to start the trip.

The Knights of Ren had arrived prior to you and Kylo. Their items were already tucked into their private rooms and the men were standing on the ramp, lined on both sides waiting for their Master.

Kylo walked up the ramp without addressing his men. Two of the Knights grabbed your bags and delivered them to your room while Kylo led the rest of you deeper into the Buzzard. Delving into the mission room, Kylo pulled up a holomap map of the destination to review the ground tactics once everyone was present. The plan was to send Trudgen and Ap'lek in plain clothes to meet with the informant. Cardo and Ushar were to be in the cantina as well but spread out to cover the exits. Kuruk was to stay with you and the ship like you needed a babysitter. Vicrul and Kylo would remain at a safe distance ready to intervene if necessary.

The Knights were dismissed and Kuruk made his way to pilot the ship. Kylo turned to you, "Vicrul will escort you to the room, I have business that I need to take care of. I will join you when it's done." and he walked away.

Vicrul was beside you, ushering you through the ship. A frustrated sigh forced itself from your lungs, "Is he like this on every mission?"

There was no reaction from the mass of darkness beside you which only increased your aggravation. Stopping in your tracks, "Take me to the kitchen, I want to review everything I ordered was delivered." You saw his fist clench at his side when he stopped and turned to you. Even with the mask, you could feel he was on edge.

"This way." Vicrul huffed and turned down a second passage and ascended the stairs leading to the kitchen. Making your way around him, you checked the cabinets and chiller for the ingredients, everything seemed to be in order. It was still a few hours until lunch so you decided to make yourself familiar with the ship's kitchen. Taking your time, you reorganized the items in the cabinets and placed items where they made the most sense. Your movements were methodical and calming, allowing your brain the distraction it needed from the energy vibrating in your body.

After wasting enough time moving things and cleaning, you started preparing lunch for the eight of you. It would be a simple meal of sliced porg sandwiches with crisps; you thought it would be something simple to eat while the boys were busy doing their tasks in preparation for the mission. After packing up the meals, you walked towards Vicrul and pushed a packaged meal into his chest and walked down the steps, back into the bowels of the ship, looking for the rest of the Knights and their Master.

One by one, Vicrul instructed you on where to find the Knights and you were told to leave the packaged meal for Kylo with Ap'lek as their Master was in a meeting.

Vicrul led you to a room that held a full bed, your bags, and a door you assumed led to the attached refresher. "You will be collected after we land." He turned to leave.

Almost yelling, "Vicrul, what the _actual fuck_ is going on? All of you are distant and cold. I don't like this! If I knew I was going to be locked away like a prisoner I wouldn't have come!" You were basically in his face and the mask only stared down at you.

He remained perfectly still as if he was made of stone, "Every time we leave the Buzzard, it could be the last. Because of that, we treat it with the respect and gravity it warrants. If you thought this was going to be a _fun field trip_ then I suggest you re-examine your circumstances and realize your place."

" _Fuck you_ , Vicrul," you spat and pushed him hard enough that he took a single step back but no further. You started to yell again and he grabbed your wrists when you went to push him a second time.

Vicrul slammed his fist into the control to close the door and forced you face-first against the wall, pinning your hands on either side of your head. His scored mask was digging into your cheek, "We both know Master Ren would not allow you to talk that way. I feel the fury burning inside your skin, threatening to tear you apart. Go ahead, get angry. It won't do you any good." He tossed you towards the bed and went to leave.

Pushing against the bed, you screamed out in frustration, "Do you think I don't know this is serious? I'm not a fucking idiot Vicrul. I just don't think it's too much to ask for _common fucking decency_ when you are dealing with another person."

He turned back to you, removing his mask as he went and threw it against the wall, advancing on you with violent intent. "Don't act like an idiot and you won't be treated as one. We are not _decent men._ You've seen us train, you know how the energy between us morphs into something primal and devastating. Training was just a glimpse into the chaos that dwells within us. Now you will see us, _the real us_ , for what we truly are."

Deflated by his words, you dropped back to sit on the bed and stared at the man shaking in front of you. This was not the same man you had trained with, this was not the same man who opened your eyes to the bond they shared. This was someone, _no something_ , else and for the first time you experienced the fear associated with The Knights of Ren.

Vicrul felt your fear and threw his head back as he inhaled deeply. " _There it is_. That sweet, delicious taste of fear. I bet it tastes better than your cunt." He forced you back on the bed and held you down with one strong hand on your torso, dipping his head towards the apex of your thighs. Frozen in shock by his actions, you were unable to fight back. He inhaled again and locked his eyes on yours, "What a shame Master Ren has denied us the pleasure of finding out exactly how you taste, of how you feel, but he shares more than enough for us to know precisely how to break you down, mind and body. If we were so inclined. So don't tempt me, _sweet girl_." The mocking tone he employed cut you to the core, which is exactly what he intended.

Vicrul chuckled as you feebly tried to push his hand away from your torso, he moved to stand and withdrew the grip he had on you. Instantly, you crawled back further on the bed and pulled your knees to your chest. The smile on his face was more akin to a predator baring its teeth. He bent to pick up his mask and left the room without acknowledging you again.

The sea of emotions swelling in your body was as wild as a tempest, your heart crashing against the ribs desperate to cage it. You closed your eyes to take calming breaths, to quell the storm brewing inside of you, but it only grew. Your vision turned black and you were engulfed in a burning heat and bone-shattering chill simultaneously. When you opened your eyes, you were at peace with the chaos in your soul. Like the calm before the storm, you laid back with your hands interlaced on your stomach and closed your eyes.

Kylo woke you with a hand on your shoulder. Startled, you grabbed his wrist and yanked it off of you. He pulled free from your grasp, "I came to tell you we are leaving for the mission. It should last around an hour. Please have dinner ready for when we return." His hand moved towards your face but hesitated, pulling back before he was able to touch you. He got up and left your room without a word.

Deciding to start on dinner, you put on your combat gear because, why not. It looked better than your uniform and it made you feel strong. Striding towards the kitchen, you passed Kuruk who lingered by the lowered hatch, watching the treeline and monitoring the communicator for any issues. You dipped your head to him as you passed and he returned the gesture.

Once in the kitchen, you collected the supplies for the meal. If you were feeding an army, pasta was the best way to go. You boiled water for the noodles, browned the meat, blended the sauce with your seasonings, and moved to place it all into a large baking tray. Layer by layer, you assembled the lasagna and coated it with cheese before placing it in the oven. It had been at least thirty minutes so you went to set the table for the eight of you. Plates, utensils, cups, and napkins, lots of napkins now adorned the table.

Satisfied with your work, you turned to check the pasta. It was perfect so you turned the settings down to _warm_ and went to check in with Kuruk. As you approached the ramp, Kuruk was nowhere in sight, his communicator was left on the ground. Your mind prickled, _'Something's not right.'_ Glancing around, there was no sign that he had left the Buzzard. That was until you heard a blaster shot above you.

Running back to your room to collect your effects, you quickly latched your shoulder holster in place and moved to place your vibrodaggers on your hips. You hastily ran back to the ramp, clipped the communicator to your belt, drew your blasters, and silently walked down the ramp to take in your surroundings. There was a second shot that rang out above your head; you turned to search for Kuruk, climbing the side of the Night Buzzard to see if he was perched to snipe. Relief washed over you when you found him safely tucked into position, firing calculated shots into the dense forest.

The blinders on his mask allowed you to slide back down the ladder unnoticed. When your feet hit the ground, the communicator on your hip broke the silence, "Shit went bad. Trudgen got hit but he'll live. We need backup to make it out of here. Heading east-" Static cut the signal and your body was fueled by the passion to save your family. Sprinting towards the stone castle that towered over the tree line, you searched for any sign of life or indication where to go, guided by pure instinct.

You heard them before you saw them. Darting behind the closest tree to conceal yourself, you turned to assess the situation. Three men were scanning the area for a trail of where the bandits may have gone. Lazily, they had their weapons slung over their backs or secured to their hip, complaining about how the men would already be gone. There was an outlier that meandered towards you, "Hey, I gotta piss. Hold up a second." Flattening against the tree, you slid around as he approached to stay out of his line of sight. The man had his back to you, whistling as he removed himself from his pants. Just like in your spy novel, if something can go wrong, it does. At that moment the communicator on your hip came alive with static causing the man to turn towards the sound.

Mind shivering, time froze as a haunting voice echoed in your head, _'Let go...'_ It was incredibly tempting to give into the voice, to let go and let the darkness consume you. _"Don't fight it... give in..."_

Like walking into the arms of an old friend, you embraced the feeling with a smile on your face and you felt alive with fire crackling under your skin.

You retrieved a vibrodagger and lunged towards his back, wrapping a hand around his mouth as you drew the blade across his neck, hot blood poured heavily from the gash. Holding your hand over his mouth until his body stopped twitching, you then pulled him behind a nearby thicket to hide his corpse. Your hands were slick with his blood. When you looked at them in the moonlight, they appeared black instead of red.

Again, your brain was tingling as you moved to watch the two other men. "Hey, what's taking so long?" He called towards his friend who was lying lifeless next to you. "Come on man, this isn't funny. Get out here." Their fear excited you. It _did_ taste delicious and you were hungry for more. The two were arguing on who was going to check the area, shoving each other back and forth. Finally, the braver of two stepped forward, slowly creeping towards the direction his friend disappeared.

Once he was close enough, you stumbled out from behind the tree, "Please, please help me!" You had smeared the blood from your hands onto your torso and feigned an injury. In the darkness, he was unable to see your weapons. He grabbed for you as you fell into him, murmuring reassurances. Safely wrapped against him, you plunged the dagger into his chest, directly through his heart. His voice caught in his throat as the blood gurgled in his lungs. Looking in his face, you twisted the knife, inflicting the killing cut.

The last man was now standing a few feet from you, his blaster was drawn as his friend slumped to the ground around you. His hands were shaking and you knew he didn't have the balls to pull the trigger. Holding a hand up to give him pause, you slowly stepped forward with your dagger veiled behind you. You saw the flash before you felt the bolt sear your left shoulder. He did have the balls after all. Collecting your balance, you lurched towards him, pushing him onto his back and plunged the blade into his left eye. He was convulsing under you and the tremors went directly to your core, which clenched in response. You moaned when you removed the blade, understanding the feeling of control when you penetrated something. No wonder men were power-hungry, you never wanted to feel anything other than what you felt right now.

Panting, you moved to stand and take in your surroundings. You wiped the sweat from your brow with the back of your arm. The braid in your hair was ruined allowing your hair to fall freely around your shoulders. With closed eyes you leaned your head back listening for, reaching out to, your family. Their energy was close, you could feel it seeking you out.

Mentally you pushed further, _'I'm here. Come find me.'_ and you headed to meet the energy you felt, leaving the communicator broken on the ground. You cut down a few more people as you chased the feeling your heart desired, feeling stronger with each body cast aside in your wake. The faces of your past were plastered on each person you killed, allowing you to exact your bloody revenge.

You were kneeling over your latest kill, the dagger still in his chest even though his throat was already slashed from ear to ear when a group of men broke through the treeline. Ap'lek and Cardo were supporting Trudgen who had a wound to his torso. Kylo commanded, "Take him back to the ship. _Now_. Vicrul, stay with me." All the other Knights moved around you, keeping a wide berth from where you crouched.

The two men moved to flank you as you remove your blade from between the ribs below you. Standing over your victory, you sheath your dagger against your hip and run your fingers through your hair to push it out of your face; giggling with the ecstasy that was flooding your body. Walking towards Kylo, "This is... _amazing_. I feel powerful and strong and it... it just feels... _so... good_." Your hands trailed seductively down your body as you spoke, your voice dark and husky.

"I knew you would be proud of me. Proud of how I used what you taught me. That you would be excited because of what I was able to do." When he didn't move, your face contorted, "Wait, what's wrong?"

Completely ignoring Vicrul behind you, the advance you made towards Kylo continued. "I did this for _you_. I _felt you_ and I knew you needed _my help._ I came _to save you just like you saved me._ " Your voice was shaking now, the furor in your brain was eclipsing your sanity as your body tried to hold itself together. "Why are you treating me like I did something _wrong?!_ What was the point in training me if you did not want me to use it? _"_ You were screaming at him.

His voice was almost a whisper, "Thank you for helping us. Trudgen needs more medical attention than we can provide." Kylo motioned towards Vicrul behind you. "Let's go back to the Buzzard and we can talk more there."

Stepping to the side to have both men in your sight, "No, no, no. We will talk NOW. I am the weapon you made me." You pulled the daggers free from your hips. "You gave me strength and now shame me for using it. We are not going ANYWHERE until you explain yourself." You point a vibrodagger at each man, shifting your gaze between them, waiting for movement.

Vicrul spoke first, "I know how intoxicating it can be to kill. I harvest bodies on every field I enter. But this feeling will pass and you will be left with an immense hole that nothing can fill. No drink, nor pleasurable company, nor violence will satisfy you. Only blood." He moved slowly so as to not startle you, lifting his hands to remove his mask and helmet and dropped them to the ground. "I thought I knew this path when I chose it. Do not make my same mistake." You could hear the waver in his voice, the crushing disparity in the honesty he had laid at your feet. His vulnerability on full display with his bare face pleading with you to step back from the edge you were on.

A rustle to your right forced your attention to Kylo, who had also removed his helmet with a _thud_ as it hit the ground. "You are so much stronger than I imagined and I apologize for underestimating you." He hesitated, struggling to find the right words for his thoughts, "I, _we_ , could feel you tonight. Your fear, your passion, your hatred... it merged with our bond in a way I didn't know it could. _You felt us and we felt you_ \- that shouldn't be possible." He timidly took slow steps towards you. "It can be overwhelming to have the rush of these feelings in your body, in your mind. I know how I felt in the beginning. But I was alone, you are not. I am here for you. To help you."

He continued, "But this..." his hand splayed towards the bodies, " _This isn't you_. Don't go this way. These are not the people you want to hold responsible for what happened to you."

Kylo was so close to you now, lifting his hands in an attempt to console you. Rage clung to every bone in your body as you attacked him. He was just another figure in your life that would discard you now that you had disappointed him.

Flailing at him, your daggers swung wildly never making contact. Vicrul was behind you and wrapped his arms around yours, pinning the blades to your side. Kylo's hands wrapped around your head and the warm ringing had returned; similar to the day you burned your hand in the oven as well as several other times during your placement. Realization dawned on you; it was _Kylo_ , each time he had ventured into your mind and you felt his bond, whether he meant to or not. Since the first time he explored your mind he was always with you and you didn't recognize it until this moment.

Seeing clearly for the first time since you boarded the Night Buzzard, the dark fog cleared from your mind and the ringing diminished. You gazed into Kylo's eyes sobbing, _"Oh maker, what have I done?"_ and your mind was blank as you collapsed. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> Thanks for your patience while I was on a bit of a hiatus. I'm back and hoping to be posting more consistently. 
> 
> Thanks again,  
> CatRen

_ Seeing clearly for the first time since you boarded the Night Buzzard, the dark fog cleared from your mind and the ringing diminished. You gazed into Kylo’s eyes sobbing, “Oh maker, what have I done?” and your mind was blank as you collapsed.  _

**********

The first thing that entered your consciousness was the searing pain in your shoulder. When you tried to move, it only made the pain worse. Your groan was muffled by the air mask that covered your nose and mouth. Pawing the mask off with your right hand, you threw it on the floor with a clatter. Forcing your eyes to remain open, you realized you were under harsh fluorescent lights, your left arm secured in a brace to stabilize your shoulder and your entire body  _ hurt _ . It had been years since your body had been damaged to this extent. Pushing to sit up, you groaned loudly as your body protested the movement. You pulled the sheet back to see how badly you were injured to find your body was covered in various shades of purples, blues, and yellows.

The commotion you made discarding your mask and shuffling in the bed caused a med-tech to enter your room. “You’re awake. I’ll get the doctor.” You shifted and a pained grimace flashed across your face. “Let me help.” The tech maneuvered the bed so you could sit up and have your arm supported by additional pillows. “Please, try not to move more than necessary until the doctor speaks with you.” The med-tech scurried from the room, sliding the door closed. 

A deep breath filled your lungs and your back popped from the stretch, eliciting another moan from your lips. Your hand gripped the side rail of the bed to brace against the pain that coursed through your body. Once it had washed over you, you opened your eyes to inspect your surroundings. The bright lights above you illuminated the room excessively. It was a small room, adorned with only the medical bed, some medical equipment next to your bed, a wheeled table, and a single chair. 

While you were inspecting in the room, a small doctor glided in carrying a datapad that overshadowed her delicate hands. Standing at your bedside, the doctor was shorter than you were while seated in the bed. A pleasant smile parted her lips as she made eye contact with you. “Hello, I am Doctor Ommoycoi but please call me Dr. Coi. You sustained a number of injuries but none are life-threatening. Can you tell me what you remember before you woke up here?” 

Your mouth pursed as you thought back, “Umm… I remember leaving my placement with Ky—, Commander Ren to accompany him and the Knights of Ren aboard their ship to provide my caretaking services. I remember preparing a meal…” Your memory became blurry and unfocused, unable to determine any details that you could use to put together what happened. Dr. Coi watched as you struggled to recall the memories. 

Her hand rested on yours, still gripped tightly against the rail, “It’s common to experience memory gaps with this level of trauma. But I’m assuming this is not new to you from looking at your full body scan. You have a history of several broken bones and consistent damage to internal organs.” The ease with which she discussed your body was unusual. In your experience, most doctors shied away from the topic of previous injuries and solely focused on current issues. “Anything you tell me is protected information. There will be no repercussions against you should you say something you aren’t supposed to.  _ Do you understand what I am telling you? _ ”

Your mouth gaped at her boldness and you instantly respected the women who still held your hand. “I do understand you Dr. Coi, but the Knights and Commander Ren aren’t responsible for this. They didn’t do this to me.” 

She squinted at you slightly and a huff of breath was forced from her nose. “Not doing something does not mean that person or persons are not responsible for what happened. But if you insist you are in no further danger, I will defer to your judgment.” Dr. Coi moved to the opposite side of the bed to inspect your shoulder. She tenderly removed the brace and unwrapped the bandage that covered your shoulder. 

Looking down at your injury, the memory of heat against your skin surfaced. The charred flesh was in the process of repairing thanks to the bactagel but the shot only grazed the top outside curve of your shoulder. There was an obvious blaster size indent where the muscle and flesh were missing. Dr. Coi eyed you curiously, “The bactagel on the external ridge of the wound will help promote skin growth but you will need injections to stimulate cell regeneration if you would like the chance to regain full use of your left arm. Even then, with the history of trauma to this joint, I cannot make any promises that you will return to your previous level of functionality.” 

Dropping your head back against the pillow your eyes trailed up to the lights above you. “I understand Dr. Coi. I consent to any treatment you deem necessary and beneficial.” You closed your eyes with the sound of the door opening; it was the med-tech bringing supplies for Dr. Coi and to assist with your care. The bed rail groaned under your hand as you squeeze against the manipulation they were forcing on your left shoulder. Several injections and profanities later, Dr. Coi had tended to your injury to her satisfaction and she carefully replaced the wrap and your brace and tightened it around your neck to hold your shoulder at the proper angle and position. 

The tech handed you a small cup of water and a container that held two white oval capsules. Dr. Coi drew your attention back to her, “These will help with pain and stimulate your body to heal. You will need two every eight hours, preferably with food but not required, for the next several days. I am ordering a temporary release from your placement to stay in the medbay so I can monitor your recovery.” 

Your voice caught in your throat as you tried to protest her order, “I…  _ I can’t _ … stay here… I have to…  _ I need to be there. _ ” Your eyes watered against your will in desperation. Every cell in your body fought against the idea of staying anywhere but your placement. “ _ Please _ . I’ll come to see you every day. But I  _ have  _ to be there.” 

Another huff left her nose as she waved the tech from the room. “Your best chance at a successful recovery is under constant medical care. It is your body so the decision is yours to make but you know the potential consequences should you choose to leave.”

Nodding your head, “Yes ma’am, I mean Dr. Coi. I understand. I would like to return to my placement. Thank you very much for your superb medical care and frank and honest conversation. It’s quite refreshing in a medical professional.” 

The smile returned to her face at your compliment, “I will submit the orders for your discharge. You will only remove the brace to bathe, do not let the area get wet. Use a hand towel to wash around the area. You are,  _ under no circumstances _ , to resume your caretaking tasks until I have released you. I will make that clear to Commander Ren as well. The medication required for your recovery will be brought to you when it is time to leave. Do you have any questions for me?”

Shaking your head to illustrate you had no questions, your eyes dropped to your lap, where your right hand was picking at a fray in the blanket. “Very well. I will summon an escort to transport you to your placement. I will also procure clothing that will allow for easy maneuvering around your brace. Do you prefer a dress or shirt and slacks?” 

Unsure what would be best, “I’ll leave that up to your professional opinion Doctor. I sincerely offer you my gratitude.” and you bowed your head in respect to the woman. 

Dr. Coi returned your nod and walked from the room, making notes on her datapad. Shortly after she left, the med-tech returned to help you change into one of the dresses ordered for you. Thankful for any clothing to help hide the bruises that covered your body, the tech pulled the sleeveless black dress onto you and secured the wrapping panels in a bow off to your right side. You moved towards the single chair and sat down, waiting for your escort. 

You were tempted to doze off until the door opened. Vicrul walked into the room and paused when he did not find you in the bed. You hummed at the sight of a familiar face, even if it was only his mask, and he turned to look down at you. “ _ Time to go. _ ” His voice was low and soft. He reached out to help you up from the chair, grimacing as you moved, he tensed beside you. Dr. Coi had pulled him aside before he entered the room and provided all of her instructions for your care. A bag slung over his shoulder contained the new clothing and mediation you had been given. He offered his arm for you to lace with yours to provide some stability as you walked the long halls back to your placement. 

He seemed content on making the trip in silence, you were not. “How long has it been since the mission?” 

It took a few moments before he answered. “Almost forty-eight hours since we landed.” Two days. You were unconscious for  _ two days _ . 

“Dr. Coi said you didn’t remember the mission. Is that true?” 

You nodded your head in affirmation, deciding it was best to play ignorant for the time being. “How is everyone? Was it a success?”

Vicrul’s energy shifted as his body stiffened. “We are fine. Besides our concern for your health.” 

“Do you know what happened? I mean how I got hurt?” You tugged at his arm, encouraging him to answer you. 

He shrugged against your feeble pull, “There was nothing documented on the onboard security and communication system that gave any indication to what happened. We returned from our mission and found you in an incapacitated state. From there we rushed back to base to get appropriate medical care.”

Although the medications made your brain sluggish, something still felt off. “Vicrul, if you can’t tell me what happened on the mission at least tell me what happened once we got back. Was I alone for two days? Was he? Give me something,  _ please _ .” Pulling your arm free, you leaned against the wall for support. 

Vicrul stopped walking and became a statue. Without turning to look at you, “Master Ren ensured you were under the best medical care provided to the First Order.” After what felt like an eternity passed, he finally turned his mask to you, “Once the scans came back and he saw the damage inflicted upon your body he went into a rage, it affected everyone. It took all of us to wear him out in the arena to keep him from leaving and finding whoever he could that responsible. Now that he has been told you are awake and returning to him, he is in a much better place. As are the Knights.” 

His confession comforted you slightly, even if you knew there was more he neglected to tell you. The fact that everyone was okay was enough for now. Linking your arm back with his, you both walked in silence until you reached Kylo’s quarters. Vicrul entered the code to unlock the door and ushered you in but did not enter himself. 

You shuffled down the hallway until you reached the kitchen. Slowly, you collected a glass and filled it with water. The cool water washing down your throat was refreshing. You were so focused on getting a drink that you missed Kylo on the couch until he moved to stand, joining you in the kitchen. His hand rested on the side of your face as he searched your eyes, his own darting between yours. “Let’s get you to bed, I was instructed you need rest.” Kylo moved to place a hand at your low back while his free hand extended for you to use as a crutch. Slow and steady steps transported you to his bed. “Would you like to stay in the dress or change into something else?” He had pulled back the sheets to make a place for you to lay. 

A smile pulled at the corner of your mouth when you noticed the extra pillows on the bed. “The dress is fine. Thank you.” His hands on your hips helped to guide you on to the bed, shifting your legs under the blanket and arranged the pillows to support your left arm. Kylo moved to collect a fresh glass of water and offered you a bowl of soup. Unable to hold the bowl and maneuver the spoon yourself, Kylo sat beside you and fed you. Once you had your fill, he returned the bowl to the kitchen. 

When he returned you had already shuffled further into the bed, a pained expression on your face from the movement. A groan rumbled from his chest before he moved to join you. He curled beside you and placed his right hand on your stomach. You turned your head to face him, “We still need to talk about what happened. About what I remember.” He nodded quietly. “After my nap. Between the medicine and the food I need to sleep.”

Kylo leaned in and kissed your right arm, nuzzling his nose against you, his breath warm against your skin. 

When your eyes opened again, he was still at your side but not touching you. The clock on the wall told you it was early morning, meaning your afternoon nap had extended overnight. Pain wracked your body as you fully gained consciousness. The short breaths and moans awoke Kylo next to you, sending him into a panic. Through gritted teeth, “I’ll be fine. I need  _ meds… _ We overslept… More than eight hours.” He darted to the kitchen for a fresh glass of water and grabbed your medication from your bag. Kneeling at your side, he lifted the glass to your lips to allow you a sip before placing the capsules in your mouth. With a hard swallow and groan, the medication passed down your throat. A raspy, “ _ Thank you _ …” left your lips. 

You opened your eyes to see his face. His wavy hair was disheveled, red-rimmed eyes in sunken skin, and his lips pressed into a hard line. You wanted to comfort him, reassure him that you were okay. You had survived worse. Patting the bed next to you, “Come here, I need you next to me.” He moved carefully on the bed and placed his head in your lap, looking up at you. Your right hand curved around the left side of his face, “Dr. Coi mentioned a full body scan. Did you see it?” He nodded as he nuzzled his face against your hand. “Now you’ve seen what I have survived. There is no reason to hide what happened to me. I told the doctor that I didn’t remember. That’s not entirely true. I see it through a filter, connected but yet detached, within but without.” 

A deep breath helped to even your voice, “We all were on edge the moment we boarded the Buzzard. I know I was short-tempered with Vicrul and he was not his usual self either.” You shuddered at the memory of his cruel grin. “I remember overwhelming emotions once I was left alone, feeling like an animal trapped in a cage. You came in and woke me up, you were distant and something seemed wrong. I remember finishing the meal and going to check on Kuruk. He wasn’t at the ramp and I heard blasters. I ran to get my stuff and went to find him. He was perched atop the Buzzard and I heard Ap’lek on the coms unit stating Trudgen was hurt and they needed help. Something pulled me towards you. I needed to save you like you saved me.” 

Tears were forming at the corners of your eyes while your hand continued caressing his face. “I came across some guys and tried to hide until they moved on but they found me. It was like something switched. I wasn’t in control anymore, or I wasn’t  _ me… _ I don’t know how to explain it. I remember seeing what I was doing but unable to decide my own actions, just acting on base instinct. The most terrifying part was… I… I lik—” You couldn’t find the strength to finish your sentence so you closed your eyes and hung your head, your thumb still caressing his cheek. “What happened to me?  _ Why _ did that happen?”

It took several moments before Kylo spoke. “I wish I could give you a simple answer but I don’t have one. I apologize for not fully preparing you for the shift the Knights and I would experience. I thought with it being a minor task that the reaction would be minimal. I was  _ wrong _ .” Now he paused for a steadying breath, his hand moved to hold yours against his face. 

“Before we left for the Buzzard, I was summoned for a meeting with Supreme Leader Snoke.” You tensed at the name and Kylo pulled your hand to his mouth to place gentle kisses into your palm before moving it back to the side of his face. “He informed me he had a crucial matter to discuss and he would see me later that day. Due to his vague message, I was on edge, anticipating the worst and that radiated to all of you. Once on the Buzzard with everyone settled, I was summoned to the coms room to meet with Snoke through a hologram. He discovered new information regarding an island that may be a… Force hot spot… for lack of a better explanation. This island, if legends are to be believed, may have the potential for heightening a Force users’ abilities, giving them unknown strength and power. Of course, the preferred outcome would be for the First Order to find it before any other interested parties. I say all of that to provide context for my harsh behavior which in turn affected the Knights.” He used his other hand to rub his face, trying to maintain a neutral expression. 

Kylo looked back up to you before speaking again. “When chaos broke out in the cantina, no fault of our own by the way,” he added with a chuckle, “They assumed it was us, we assumed it was them, and everyone was fighting. Trudgen got stabbed with a broken bottle so we ducked out to make it back to the ship. In all the havoc we didn’t feel the pull right away… or we didn’t realize it wasn’t one of us. As we got further away from the cantina, we felt the call from outside of the group so we followed it. That’s when we found you in the clearing.” 

Kylo moved to sit up on the bed. Focusing on small movements to not hurt your shoulder, you slid lower in the bed. He turned to face you with his legs crossed under him, his left hand now caressing your head while his right gently trailed along your fingers poking out from the brace. “I sent the other Knights back to the Buzzard so Vicrul and I could talk to you… to help bring you back.” 

Your eyes narrowed at him as he spoke, “You are aware that Vicrul and Ap’lek are the most connected with the Force out of the Knights. They came to me not long after your training started with a suspicion that… you may be… Force-sensitive.” 

Confused, you went to speak but Kylo placed a finger over your mouth to silence you. “It was something that had crossed my mind after our first dinner together, after I explored your mind. I could tell you had extensive contact with the Force by your controlled reaction. At the time I didn’t know the full extent of it, or the damage it caused you, but I believe that your body developed a sensitivity. Knowing what I do now, I think it is almost a  _ protective measure. _ As if you could sense it coming, you could prepare for it. In the clearing when I read your mind and placed you into forced sleep, I felt all of the energy running through you. With you having no experience channeling the Force, it manifested to match your surroundings… war.” He leaned down to place a kiss on your forehead. 

A pained expression morphed his face with guilt. “It is  _ my fault _ that you had to go through that. I can’t apologize enough nor can I change what happened,  _ Maker I wish I could. _ ” He was trembling trying to hold himself together, to be strong for you. “Then we discovered you were injured but you didn’t even seem to notice anything had happened to your arm. I won’t put you in that situation again. I am so very sor—”

You cut him off. “Kylo, listen to me, this is not  _ your fault _ . If anything, it falls at the bastards’ feet who did this to me.” You went to sit up but curled in pain, “ _ Fuck… _ Kylo help me up.” His hands dove under your back and knees and he slowly lifted you to sit higher in the bed. You lifted his chin so he was looking into your eyes, “Do not harbor guilt that is not yours. That was not the first night I have ended a life. Although, they were provided quicker deaths than those who came before them, so I thank you for that guidance.” 

Kylo’s eyes were searching your face, desperate to accept the words you spoke. He still held onto the guilt in his face but it was not as strong as before. You placed your hand on his, “I’ve come back from worse than this. I expect a better recovery with Dr. Coi’s care. Although, I don’t think she likes you very much.” You chuckled as his mouth pressed into a firm line and he broke your eye contact. 

“Well, that may be warranted.” You shot him a questioning look. “I was so worried when we landed, you had lost a lot of blood and I could feel the energy drain from your body. I didn’t know if you would…  _ augh _ , I may have lashed out against a med droid or two and threatened a few medbay staff.” He rolled his eyes as shame radiated off of him. A smirk pulled across your face. “What are you smiling for?”

You giggled, “Kuruk and I had a bet going on how long you could go without destroying property. And I think I just lost.” His jaw dropped in astonishment before he squinted and looked at you in a playful but aggravated way. “Come here, angry man.” You pulled him close so you could curl under his arm and a sharp puff of air left his nose which only widened your smile. “But you’re my angry man. How are the boys doing?”

He nuzzled his nose against the crown of your head. “We’ve all been pretty miserable the last two days. But Trudgen has recovered from his wound,  _ he can be such a bleeder _ , and they have been patiently waiting for an update on your condition. Once you feel up for having guests, we will invite them over.”

That idea sounded good to you. At the moment you could only focus on the weight of your eyes as you snuggled against Kylo and relaxed listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat. 


	22. Chapter 22

_That idea sounded good to you. At the moment you could only focus on the weight of your eyes as you snuggled against Kylo and relaxed listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat._

**********

Your recovery over the next few weeks was calmer than expected. The alarm on your datapad made sure you took your medication on time; that was an experience Kylo did not want to see you go through again. Your pain caused him pain, which in turn hurt the Knights. Collective suffering was not something of interest when they were the ones experiencing it; they much preferred inflicting it.

Kylo did not leave your side for the first week. Your constant companion helped to keep you comfortable, fed you meals he had delivered, helped with bathing, observed med staff while they tended to your injury, and saw to anything else you needed. While you slept, he worked.

When Dr. Coi made personal visits, he waited in the living space to avoid any more contact than was necessary with the stern doctor. If you didn't know any better, you would think Kylo feared the small woman. The thought made you laugh on several occasions, the image of Dr. Coi dragging Kylo by the ear while chastising him was your favorite imaginary scenario. You would never tell him that though.

While Kylo was missing work, he did what he could with his datapad and attended meetings via hologram so he would not leave the quarters but most importantly, not leave you. Hux was more than frustrated with Kylo for missing meetings when he was on the same ship but Kylo felt responsible and it was his duty to provide the services for your recovery. You slept for most of the days that followed, a combination of strong medication and your body's natural response to heal pulled you into a deep slumber.

Ten days after your discharge, twelve from the initial injury, Dr. Coi was satisfied with your recovery and progress in your muscle regrowth that she encouraged some movement to strengthen to new tissue and downgraded your brace to a simple sling. You were most excited about being able to sleep without either your brace or sling. Dr. Coi also changed your medication to a lone cell repair without the pain relief and encouraged you to use your original medication only when necessary. She was not fond of the idea of long term medication use with the history of damage to your internal organs.

Over the next few days, you were able to fall back into a normal sleep schedule and Kylo was more relaxed as you started moving around and engaging in full conversation without napping.

Now that it had been two weeks since your injury, you were feeling strong enough to have company. You and Kylo were sitting on the couch, you read your spy novel while he reviewed documentation on his datapad with your feet resting in his lap. "Hey Kylo, do you think we can invite the boys over tomorrow? It's been a while and I really miss them. Messaging on the datapad just isn't the same as the real thing." Unaware, a pout had formed on your lips when thinking of them.

He hummed as he made a note on his datapad, "If you are feeling up to it, they would be delighted to see you. They keep blowing up my notifications requesting updates to see if you're telling them the truth." He shifted his neck back and forth quickly to release the tension with loud _pops_. "What do you have in mind? All of them at the same time or one-on-one?"

A giggle snuck from your lips before you could contain it due to his particular phrasing. "What?" He turned to look at you curiously. Your face now blushing with suppressed laughter. His eyebrow arched as he realized the implication of what he had said, " _Naughty girl_. Get your mind out of the garbage chute." His hand moved to rub your feet in his lap.

The laughter finally broke free as he unintentionally tickled you, a squeal breaking the silence as you pulled your feet away. With your legs bent in front of you, "Kylo..." he turned to face you, sitting the datapad down in his lap.

"Babe..." he matched your tone with his retort.

"It's been... a while... and Dr. Coi cleared me for _activity as tolerated..."_ you chewed on your lip, hoping he understood the point you were making.

His face told you he knew exactly what you were thinking, "As much as I would love to pull that black wrap dress off of you and worship your body, Dr. Coi specifically instructed me _that_ was not allowed for at least another week."

Scrunching your face in defeat, "Fine." and you crossed your arms in front of you, resting your forearms on your bent up knees.

"Don't pout sweet girl. That will only make things har— more difficult for both of us." He eyed you again with a mixed expression on his face. "You never answered the question earlier. Since you can't cook yet, we can order something and have dinner together. What do you think about that?"

You mockingly gagged, "I'm thankful for the meals you've had delivered but they taste like chemicals and preservatives. I may not be able to physically cook but I can guide you and you can be my hands. What do _you_ think of that?"

Kylo chuffed incredulously, "I do not doubt your skills to instruct but my skills in the kitchen are _limited_. You do remember I didn't know how to use a blender until a few weeks ago, right?"

Moving closer to him on the couch, "We can pick something simple. I promise you can do it. Did anyone eat the pasta the night of the mission?" Your face was beaming at the thought of being back in the kitchen even if you couldn't do much.

"Unfortunately, the pasta was not enjoyed. We were all so focused on getting back that no one was hungry." He picked up the datapad and handed it to you, "I guess we are cooking pasta. Let's order what we need and let the Knights know when to be here." Together you selected the items for the meal but Kylo resisted trying to make dessert so salad and lasagna would have to do. You were giddy with excitement feeling like things were finally getting back to normal.

Kylo smiled at you, sensing your excitement. He flexed his hands at you, motioning for you to come closer to him. Eagerly, you crawled into his lap and he kissed you gently on the lips. Using his hand to lower your head to rest into the nook where his neck met his shoulder he played with your hair.

Even against his warning of what Dr. Coi had said, you had not let it go. Perfectly positioned, you lifted your head so that your mouth could press along the side of his throat. A low rumble came from him as you continued to kiss up his neck to his ear, which you grazed with your nose before allowing your tongue to trace the shell. The rumble grew into a deep growl. "Babe, I'm just as desperate as you are but Dr. Coi—"

You interrupted him by crashing your mouth against his. Tongues hot and wet as they found each other and fought passionately. Trying to move to straddle him, Kylo's hands went to your hips and you yipped with anticipation thinking he was helping you to sit astride him. It promptly turned to frustration when he sat you down on the other side of the couch.

A wicked idea ran rampant through your mind, "But Kylo, I can't wait. I need you." While you spoke you trailed your right hand between your legs, teasing yourself through the fabric of your dress. The healing left shoulder was wedged securely against the back of the couch, the weight of your arm supported by the thick cushion. You slowly moved the fabric away showing you were bare under the dress. " _She_ needs you." The fingers of your right hand spread your lips to show him how wet you were at just the thought of him.

His eyes rolled back in his head as he groaned, taking in the sight in front of him. Kylo turned to face you straight on. "You're going to get me in trouble with the good doctor." His eyes were fixated on the movements you made between your legs. "Although, she didn't say anything about us _watching_ each other." Your core clenched at his suggestion. Kylo began rubbing himself through his lounge pants, his hardness growing with each pass.

Pausing for a brief moment, your hand moved to lower the _v_ where the two panels crossed your chest giving Kylo a black-framed view of your tits. He growled at the added visual, "Pinch your nipples for me, babe."

A smirk stretched your lips and your eyes twinkled with mischief. Following his command, you took your right nipple between your thumb and curled index finger, toying with it until it formed a rigid peak and repeating on your left breast. "Let me see your cock. Please, Sir."

Kylo chuckled as he lowered his pants and his erection sprung free; his shirt pulled up to show the sculpted muscles of his lower torso. Oh, how you wished to kiss those hips, to trail your tongue along the dips that led straight to the shaft his large hand was vigorously pumping.

You purred and bit your lip watching him pleasure himself. "I need to see those fingers disappear in that tight pussy." Nodding in agreement, your hand slid between your breasts, down your midline, until they curved over your mound and dipped into your growing wetness. You pressed two fingers in and out, dragging them against your walls until your fingers were slick and glistening. Pulling slowly up to rub your clit, a moan trembled from your lips as your eyes fluttered.

His breath hissed between gritted teeth when he added a second hand to his shaft, snapping his hips up as he thrust into his fists. The teasing circles you made around the knot of nerves increased in speed as his breath became more ragged, your own breath fell between moans and pants as your pleasure bloomed.

"Fuck... Kylo, I'm so close... please..." You were begging him. Biting your lip, your hips rocked into your hand as your legs began to shake.

A feral growl tore from his throat. "Maker yes, cum with me. Cum all over your fingers for me." His pumping became erratic as his hips shuttered, thick cum erupted from his crown and landed on his fists and stomach. He moaned as he coaxed himself through his aftershocks.

Opening his eyes, he found you furiously stroking your clit before shifting to shove three fingers into your core. Whining you begged, "Please Kylo, Please..."

He immediately shifted to kneel between your legs, pausing to kiss your knee and thigh. "It's okay babe, I'm here. I've got you." You moved your hand back to rub your clit as he thrust two girthy fingers deep into your sex, still coated with his own cum. "I want to make you feel so good. I want you to cum for me. You are such a good girl. I feel you squeezing me, you're so close." Kylo thrust his hand against you harder, the sound of your juices and his harsh movements filled your ears. Your arm was burning from the rapid movements. He sensed your fatigue and replaced your fingers with his while his other hand remained deep inside of you. He growled, "Be a good fucking girl and cum for me. Now." The increased pressure he provided on your frayed nerves along with the continuous assault on the ribbed flesh inside you had you screaming his name as your orgasm spread over you. White flashed around your eyes, pleasure rolled through you in waves, and you could feel your heartbeat in your core as he slowed his movements.

Winded, you motioned first him to come closer so you could slide your fingers into his mouth; he groaned in ecstasy from the taste and placed his fingers in yours. The mixed concoction of arousal was thick and salty on your tongue. You pulled him into a kiss, allowing him to taste it as well.

"That was fun and very much needed." You mused as he laid back on the couch, pulling your legs to stretch out over him. "I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a nap." He hummed in agreement, lifting the datapad to turn off the lights. His hands returned to massaging your feet as you drew nonsense against his leg that rested against your right side. 


	23. Chapter 23

_"That was fun and very much needed." You mused as he laid back on the couch, pulling your legs to stretch out over him. "I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a nap." He hummed in agreement, lifting the datapad to turn off the lights. His hands returned to massaging your feet as you drew nonsense against his leg that rested against your right side._

**********

You napped on and off for the rest of the day, waking only to eat, take medication, and to relocate to the bedroom. Once curled up in bed, Kylo laid beside you reviewing video footage of an interrogation, the screams still audible even with his earpieces. Hux had Phasma complete this " _interview_ " and Kylo was not impressed with her techniques. This was obvious by his facial expressions and the several times he shook his head disapprovingly.

Deciding he had seen enough, you watched Kylo shut off the datapad, remove his earpieces, and set them down on the bedside table. Turning to you, "I'm sorry. I thought you were already asleep. Did I disturb you?" His hand found your hair and brushed it away from your face.

A smile eased its way onto your face, "No, you didn't disturb me." Laying on your right side to face him, you slowly eased your left arm to rest across his torso. The extension of the newly grown muscles and tendons felt odd but not painful. His hand went to massage your arm now laying across him. "Although from what I can tell, Phasma is rather brutish and unskilled with her... _interviews_. How did she get to the position she is in?"

Kylo smirked at your surprising insight. "Finesse is not a trait she possesses. While she is an effective hammer when brute force is needed, she has difficulty with some of the more... intricate tasks that require a calm head and delicate hand."

His fingers continued to trace along your arm while he stared at the ceiling. "The story of how she became Hux's right hand has layers of deception and malevolence. Brendol Hux, Armitage's father, had risen to a place of prominence within the First Order becoming responsible for the Stormtrooper training program that is still in use to this day. A mission went array and Phasma helped Brendol get back safely. She was handsomely rewarded for her efforts. Once she met the younger Hux, they formed a close bond. As you well know, Armitage is power hungry and can be impatient. While there was no hard evidence of foul play, many in High Command are in agreement that Hux and Phasma were responsible for Brendol's death, thus allowing for Hux's promotion to General. The official story is Brendol left for a mission and hasn't been heard from since"

Shifting lower in the bed he continued, "Now Hux is stuck with her. If another person close to him died mysteriously, it would be hard to deny the connecting factor and Hux very much enjoys his head on his shoulders. He has tried to _refine_ Phasma over the years, rather unsuccessfully." Kylo turned to face you, trying to read your reaction to what he just revealed.

Humming to yourself, "Well, there's more to that than I thought there would be. I just thought she was the vicious guard dog for a weak man."

He chuckled and kissed your forehead. "Oh, have no doubts, she is vicious. But he is not weak. They are two sides of the same coin; she is the brawn and he is the brain. Neither can accomplish much without the other. Now get some rest, we have a big day tomorrow."

The next morning you woke with excitement. You were happy to be able to take a shower and bathe yourself independently, even if you had to pause occasionally from the fatigue in your left arm. You refused to baby it anymore and planned to use it as you normally would for all tasks you could. That was the only way you were going to get your strength back. Dr. Coi said no lifting with it, only natural movements until full sensation had returned.

You donned a wrap dress as it had become one of your favorites. Even with its medical intention, the sleek lines and flow made it quite flattering. Very slowly, you put a braid in your hair to keep it out of your face while you moved around the quarters. Kylo was on the couch with his datapad again, focused on more reports and mission summaries.

Trying to stay quiet, you moved to grab the cleaning solution to spray and wipe down the kitchen and dining space surfaces in preparation for your guests. A voice boomed from the couch as you wiped down the kitchen counter, "What do you think you are doing?"

Failing to hide the aggravation in your voice, you retorted, " _Activity as tolerated_. The state of these counters are intolerable." You continued with your task, cleaning the kitchen and dining table with your right hand, using your left when you could before moving to the living space to dust the surfaces there.

Kylo huffed in frustration, "You don't need to push yourself. Dr. Coi wouldn't want you to reinjure your arm over something a droid could do. We can request a droid to clean the quarters so you can focus on your recovery."

You shot him a perturbed look, "It's my job, are you trying to take that away from me and give it to a droid? I'm not useless and I can't just sit around anymore. It's been _two weeks_ Kylo, I'm going crazy. I need a purpose, something to take pride in. I doubt you'll let me back on another mission, any time I try to talk about training, you deflect. This is all I know and all I have left. Don't take this from me." Tears swelled in your eyes but you refused to let them fall. Your frustration had been suffocating during your recovery. Even with previous injuries, you were not granted a reprieve from your responsibilities. After two weeks with nothing to do you were crawling in your skin.

Kylo's face dropped, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize how much this was bothering you." He rose from the couch and walked over to you, wrapping his arms around you so you could rest your head against his chest. "I meant no disrespect in offering the droid, only that if you did not want to serve that role anymore, you were not obligated to. I would never take your options away from you." He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, pausing to inhale the scent of your hair. "As far as training and future missions, I'm hesitant. I think for good reason. You know your mind and body better than anyone else so I can't presume to say what you can and cannot do. I only ask that we take it slow. So that your body can heal and so that we can help support your mind as you navigate this new sensitivity. I haven't used the Force at all for the last two weeks while I've been here with you. I'm scared to trigger anything that would harm you."

Hearing his voice waver with emotion, you pulled back to lift your hands to frame his face, forcing him to look at you. "Kylo, I do not want you to hide or restrict parts of yourself because of me. If this relationship is going to last, we have to work together, not hold things back. Now, I need you to use the Force. Reach out to me." He opened his mouth in protest but you silenced him with your mind. Pressing your thoughts in his direction, ' _Please Kylo. I will be fine. Just reach out.'_ A slight smile pulled at the corners of your lips, a silent encouragement to ease his concerns.

Kylo closed his eyes and leaned his forehead down to rest on yours. A warmth spread over your mind and you focused on accepting it. You envisioned stepping into a large bath, each step you took deeper into the water the more warmth your body felt, and calmness flowed through you. Opening your eyes to look at the face in front of you, his brow was furrowed. Your heart swelled with his concern, most were not lucky enough to see this side of him. Pushing back towards him, your thoughts swirled in his mind showing the two of you laying in bed, held safely in each other's arms.

He opened his eyes to look deep into yours while you shared warm tender thoughts. _'See, no darkness here. For either of us. It's just you and me.'_ Your words reassured him as he moved to nuzzle his nose with yours.

You lowered your hands to his back and pulled him tighter into you and resumed eye contact. He held your chin between his fingers, his breath warm on your face as he spoke, "I had no intention of being involved with anyone, ever. History is full of great men that have fallen because of love. While passion gives you strength, I thought that love made you weak... vulnerable. Those are things I did not want to become." His voice became so low it was just above a whisper, "I have already sacrificed so much, turned away from the Light and everything I knew at the promise of acceptance from the Dark. Both have failed me. I do not want to fail you..." He moved to place both hands against the sides of your face, his hands shaking as he tried to caress your skin with his thumbs. "I will not fail you... I love you."

Your hands clenched into his shirt and skin, somehow pulling him even closer. Tears brimmed your eyes, "Kylo... I love you too." Pressing on to your tiptoes, you kissed him with a new intimacy.

This feeling you had for a while but were unable to explain finally found a home, it was love. No one had ever loved you, nor had you loved anyone in your life. The orphanages focused on utility, not sentimentality. This carried into your placements and you assumed this is how it was for everyone. It wasn't until Kylo showed you something different, he opened your eyes to the possibility that there was more to life. You would never be able to thank him enough for that but you could feel he held a similar sentiment towards you. Moving to rest on the nearby couch, you sat in each other's embrace, basking in the adoration radiating from the other.

A _ding_ from the datapad brought you both back to attention. The food items had been delivered for the meal tonight. Kylo lingered and kissed your forehead before moving towards the door. Once it opened, the quarters were invaded by the Knights carrying in the items for dinner. You squeaked, "What is going on? You're not supposed to be here for at least an hour, if not longer!"

Ushar walked over to you in the living space after placing his bags on the counter, "Did you think we were going to let Ren learn all your cooking secrets? Hell no. We are here to help." His broad smile showed all of his teeth and he turned to walk back to the kitchen. You looked to Kylo and you both chuckled at the six men trying to fit in such a small space.

Moving slowly from the couch you padded barefoot into the kitchen. "Okay, okay boys. There are too many cooks in the kitchen. Kylo can start cooking while we catch up on the couch." Kylo shot you a concerned look at the thought of being alone in the kitchen. You pulled out a recipe book from your collection and laid it on the counter for him to follow. "I'll be right there, you can handle this." With a reassuring pat on his behind you joined the boys on the couch.

Kuruk was the first to hug you. "We've missed you at training, it just isn't as fun without you there." You reassured him that you missed it too while looking over your shoulder at Kylo in the kitchen, not so subtly dropping a hint about you returning to the arena.

Cardo and Ushar went over what the Knights have done since their return to base. It seems while Kylo was away and caring for you, the boys would play. Their training had reverted to a large game of _Who Does It Better?_ The rolling laughter and joking between them eased any tension you had been holding on to related to the boys.

You paused to check on Kylo in the kitchen. He was focused on measuring the seasonings for the sauce when you walked up beside him, tenderly moving your injured arm to wrap around his waist. He turned to you and flashed a quick smile while stirring the sauce. Kylo lifted the spoon to smell and sample the sauce, blowing it to cool before offering it to you for approval. With a simple nod from you, he was practically bouncing with pride. Ushar moved to the kitchen to review the recipe and tease Kylo if he included all the ingredients and in the correct amounts before helping to assemble the two large dishes.

Going back to the couch, you spoke with Trudgen on his recovery to find he was completely healed with no permanent damage other than a new scar. The boy's rivalry game continued as they compared scars and injury stories. They were curious about your recovery but didn't push for more than you were able to give. Your scar was still red, raw, and very angry looking as the skin continued to grow and heal to cover the gap that was removed by the blaster. With this, you won this round of the game much to Trudgen's mock dismay.

While the pans were in the oven, Kylo and Ushar returned to the living space. Kylo pulled you to lean against him so he could rub your shoulder and arm. You were too prideful to admit it was starting to hurt while in front of the Knights but Kylo sensed it and did what he could to remedy your pain. The relaxing feeling blanketed your body and you found yourself dozing off while the others discussed more upgrades to the Night Buzzard.

The alarm sounded notifying that dinner was done. All of you moved to fix your own plate before sitting at the table to eat. Vicrul brought a plate to you, pausing to push a stray hair behind your ear. His hand lingered on your head in reassurance that things were okay between the two of you. He sat next to you while Kylo sat on your opposite side; both men intently observing you to offer assistance if and when you needed it. Thankfully, you made it through the meal with little help.

Trudgen and Ap'lek cleaned up the kitchen while the rest of you lounged on the couch after a delicious meal. Kylo was in the process of selecting a holofilm to watch and you excused yourself to the refresher attached to Kylo's bedroom for a moment alone. As much as you truly enjoyed the company, it was a bit overwhelming after two weeks of near solitude. You were splashing water on your face when you heard the door open and close to your side. A hand reached out towards you with a towel to dry your face.

Vicrul snuck away from the living space and was now offering you a towel in Kylo's refresher. "Here ya go... How are you doing? I mean really." He leaned back against the counter so that he could look at your face while he spoke.

Taking the towel from his hand, you pat your face dry. "I'm alright. It's slow going but I'm hanging in there." Vicrul lowered his head slightly to look at you through his heavy brows, visibly doubting the truth of your statement. "Really, I'm okay. I hate being cooped up here and not able to do anything. I think I've slept enough for the next six months... I miss training and seeing everyone. I doubt Kylo will let me back in the arena, let alone go on missions." You dropped your head and focused on your fingers folding and refolding the towel in your hands, desperate to keep the tears forming in your eyes from falling.

Sensing your frustration, he reached out and placed his hand on yours. "Hey... it's okay. Can you look at me?" Vicrul dipped his head lower, trying to catch your eyes. A quick sniff helped to pull yourself together before you looked at him. Your eyes were already bloodshot with frustration and pain. "I know it's rough. You've already been through so much shit and you are so incredibly strong for carrying it alone all this time. How do you feel after the mission? Have you thought about it at all or have you buried it?" His thumb caressed the back of your hand while you gripped the towel in a tight fist.

The truth was you had thought about the mission and what happened, a lot. Kylo had not brought it up, maybe he was waiting on you to be the one to initiate the conversation to go deeper once you were ready. "Other than my arm almost getting blown off, I'm truly not too bad." You shrugged, "The hyperawareness to the Force makes sense, I guess. The longer you are exposed to something, the options are to adapt or die, and I'm not dead yet. No one truly knows the extent of it and I think it worries Kylo, especially after seeing such... _darkness..._ from me. That's not me though. It pains me to say I've done far worse for my former _masters_ than what I did on Takodana. Death is something I'm all too familiar with so you need not worry about the blood on my hands."

Sincerity rang through your words, "How are you Vic? You said some pretty heavy stuff last time we met." You flipped your hand to rub his now.

He scoffed, "So we share some trauma baggage and I get a nickname and the best you can come up with is Vic?" A playful smirk formed at the right corner of his mouth as he shook his head. He pulled you to stand in front of him, his hands remained on your sides as he spoke. "I meant every word I said in the woods. Ren knows how I feel. I was young and angry and I wanted to lash out at anything I could. The Knights were the perfect escape. But now that I'm older, I feel it in my bones. The anger has grown into something else, not despair nor regret, but more like something is missing. Then I saw Ren with you and realized while I love my brothers, I wanted happiness as well, I wanted peace. We all deserve it."

Vicrul pulled you close to him to wrap his arms around you in a tight embrace, mindful of your shoulder and the need not to disturb that particular joint, and rested his chin on top of your head as you burrowed into his chest. "Ren found his peace in you. The First Order will never provide nor respect that peace for us. It is our responsibility to make it for ourselves."

Taking a deep breath, you inhaled his scent; it was a mix of the leather he typically wore and something earthy that was entirely his own. "Well Viccy, I wish I had more friends that I could set you up with but I'm sadly lacking in that department." He groaned at the new nickname you tried out, pushing you away from him.

His hand rested on the side of your face. "Let's stick with Vicrul for now. I can't handle anything else quite yet." Placing a quick kiss on your forehead, "Come on, let's get back before they start the movie without us." He moved to walk from the refresher, holding your hand.

You stood firmly in place, keeping him from walking further. "Vicrul... I'm here for you. For all of you. We are family, don't forget that. We will make our own peace." He smiled at you and dipped his head in respect before he pulled you towards the living space.

Once everyone was settled on the couch or on the floor, Kylo started the movie. His arms wrapped around you while you laid on his chest, his chin resting on your good shoulder. No one made it through the movie and remained awake.

Being the first to wake the next morning, you carefully unwrapped yourself from Kylo's grip and tiptoed into the kitchen. Thankfully, you kept a stocked chiller and had plenty of bacon and eggs to cook for everyone. As the smell permeated the room, the boys began to stir. A series of groans and moans rolled as each man stretched. They shuffled around, using the refresher in your room and Kylo's to fully wake up.

Joining you in the kitchen, Cardo started the caf machine, nodding your way as he rubbed sleep from his eyes. Trudgen tried to slide beside you and sneak a piece of bacon while you were looking at Cardo. You reached behind you with your good arm and popped his hand and he sulked to sit at the table.

Kylo padded up behind you, "Good morning babe. How did you sleep?" and kissed your cheek.

Turning with a smile and placing a quick kiss on his lips you answered, "I slept alright. It was so nice to wake up and have everyone here." You leaned close against him, basking in his warmth and scent. "Can you set out the juice and caf on the table? I'm gonna whip up some sweet bread and then we will be ready to eat." Kylo nodded excitedly at the mention of sweet bread and completed the tasks you asked him to help with.

The table remained silent as each man moved to sit, focusing on their beverage of choice to start their day. The boys had returned from the refreshers clad in Kylos spare clothes and some chose to go without shirts. You smiled at how comfortable they were around you now when a few months ago they wouldn't dare take a mask off in front of you.

You asked Vicrul to help you pass out plates and silverware as you finished up the last pieces of bread. Carrying two large plates piled high with sweet bread, Kylo was behind you with the bacon and eggs. Once everything was on the table family-style, "Good morning boys. Dig in." and they eagerly grabbed at the serving plates to fill their own.

Kylo drenched his sweet bread with syrup while an excited smile spread across his sleep marked face. Curious as to what Kylo had done, Ap'lek did the same to his plate. This caused a chain reaction around the table as each man smelled and tasted the savory meal before them. With a full mouth, Ushar mumbled, "Oh man... this is so good. Thanks, ma." Several approving hums supported his statement.

You quirked a brow at Ushar, "Did you just refer to me as 'ma'? Ushar, I'm not _that_ old."

He nodded while he chewed. "It makes sense. The two of you take care of us heathen children collected from across the galaxy. I meant no disrespect."

The corners of your mouth turned up and you placed your hand on his arm beside you, "Morning sarcasm isn't your thing, duly noted, my son." You chuckled and returned your focus to your plate.

Kuruk was the first to clear his plate and reach for a second helping. In a cautious tone, Kylo spoke, "Take it easy on the sweets. They have a tendency to sneak up on you and put you in a coma. I speak from experience." A burst of chuffed laughter echoed around the table. "Plus we can't have you being useless in training today. Once she's cleared by Dr. Coi during her appointment this morning, _your mother_ gets to join us." Kylo eyed you across the table and you squealed with excitement. Silently you mouthed, _'thank you'_ to him and he scrunched his lips, blowing a kiss to you in response. The conversation grew as the meal progressed and the plates emptied.

Vicrul and Ap'lek carried the dirty dishes into the kitchen and began washing them while Cardo wiped down the table. Kylo pulled you close, placing a kiss on your forehead, "Go take a shower, I'll make sure everything gets taken care of babe."

Rising on your tiptoes, you cooed, "Yes daddy." and placed a kiss on his lips before walking away. His face left in shock with a slack jaw, Kylo shook his head and moved to help clean the kitchen and living spaces. Today was shaping up to be a great day. 


	24. Chapter 24

_ Rising on your tiptoes, you cooed, “Yes daddy.” and placed a kiss on his lips before walking away. His face left in shock with a slack jaw, Kylo shook his head and moved to help clean the kitchen and living spaces. Today was shaping up to be a great day. _

******

Deciding to wear a loose black long sleeve shirt with your training pants, you dressed quickly after your shower. The Knights had left to prepare for training by the time you exited the refresher. Kylo was dressed and ready to walk with you to the medbay before training with his men.

The two of you walked in silence down the long hallways. With a nod and a gentle hand on your back, Kylo turned you towards the sliding glass doors and watched you walk into the lobby. Once you were safely inside, he left for the arena.

After checking in, you sat to wait on Dr. Coi, toying with the hem of your shirt to pass the time. A nurse promptly called you back into a private room and registered your vitals before leaving you alone, waiting in silence as the clock ticked away.

Dr. Coi strode into the room without taking her eyes off her datapad, “Hello, dear. How are you feeling?” she asks, finally looking up to meet your eyes. You summarized your improvements and current issues with your shoulder. The small doctor requested updated scans for comparison to the initial injury. Dr. Coi returned with her datapad in hand and a grim look on her face. She pulled a chair to sit beside you so she could go over the results. While you had healed significantly compared to the first image, your shoulder was still not what they would consider  _ optimal _ . The bones had regrown along with the muscles and tendons, but they were weaker than they should be. Dr. Coi explained that it was unlikely for additional regrowth to occur. You had reached ‘maximum medical improvement’ which was a clinic way of saying, ‘this is as good as it gets.’ After such repeated damage, the base cells no longer had the strength to duplicate and expand to the extent required. Grafts and mechanizations were treatment options, but both would require extensive surgeries and substantial downtime, even with First Order doctors' vast medical advances. That was not an option you would consider.

You remained somber for the rest of your physical evaluation. The internal organs that suffered damage had resumed typical function levels, and Dr. Coi was satisfied with that progress. She offered mental health services to help with adjusting to your current situation, along with the ghosts of your past that haunt you to this day. Politely declining her offer, you insist that you are fine. If you were honest with yourself, you knew the day would come when your broken body would fail you and refuse to be as strong as your brain. Finding solace in the firm resolve of your mind, you accepted your physical limitations with understanding. After all, one person cannot be good at everything. It was all about knowing where you stood in relation to others and how to use that to your advantage.

Surprisingly at peace with your situation, you thanked Dr. Coi for all of her help and exited the medbay. You leisurely walked towards the arena to meet up with the boys and share your prognosis. Walking in your direction, Captain Phasma dominated the hallway, taller than most Stormtroopers. She stopped in front of you, her staff crossed in front of her, “General Hux requests your presence. Come with me.”

Your face scrunched in confusion, “I think you have the wrong person. I am assigned to…”

She interrupted, “Commander Ren, yes. That’s why General Hux wants to speak with you. Now, follow me or I will force you.” Phasma’s hands flexed around the staff she wielded.

A heavy sigh accompanied your rolling eyes, “Fine, lead the way.”

Captain Phasma used the end of her staff to turn you around and pushed you down the hallway in the direction you came from. You passed the medbay and continued weaving through corridors until you had no clue where you were, which you assumed was the goal. She instructed you to enter the open hatch and it closed after you crossed the threshold.

A cunning voice summoned you to sit. Looking around, you recognized it as an interrogation room, similar to what you had seen on the recordings Kylo reviewed. “Hello again. It’s so good to see you.” General Hux crooned from the corner of the room as you sat down.

A single nod was all you offered in return to his greeting. He stalked in a wide arc, coming to stand directly in front of you. Already sensitive from the news from your medical appointment, you were quickly overcome with fear. Hux used his right hand to lift your chin to face him. “We are going to have a lovely little chat before you run back to your Master. First, tell me how you serve him?”

Remembering your previous interactions with Hux, his intent to have you serve him sexually, the hallway incident where he backed you into the wall until you cowered, did nothing for your frayed nerves. You steadied your voice by swallowing the knot forming in your throat, “I am the caretaker. I maintain order in his quarters by cleaning, preparing meals, and many other tasks so he can focus on his duties to the First Order… sir.” You added, not forgetting the power and cruel intentions of the man in front of you.

He hummed, “I’m sure you serve him in many ways, little pet. Tell me, do you warm his bed?” The grip on your chin tightened.

You stiffened, “That is highly inappropriate General. My focus is on the task assigned by Supreme Leader Snoke, nothing else, I swear.” Your voice sounded weak. You hated it.

His grip on your chin shifted to trail fingers down to your shoulder, pulling the neck of your shirt to expose the sensitive skin of your healing scar. “And what about this… did he do this to you?” Unable to speak, you shook your head ‘no’ and bit your lip.

Hux retracted his touch and clasped his hands behind his back. “And what about the rabid dogs he calls Knights - what do you do for them?”

“Mending clothes is all. They go through a lot. There’s a lot of damage. I don’t ask questions, Sir. I just do as I’m told.” You shot pleading eyes up at him, desperate to know his true intention of pulling you away and locking you in a cell.

He softened to ease your fear, trailing the back of his fingers along your cheek, and you reflexively closed your eyes. The sharp impact of his palm hitting your face caught you off guard, a wail shrieked from your open mouth. Memories flood into your mind, threatening to drown you in terror. “I don’t believe a word you’ve said, pet. I think you’re a fucking whore who spreads her legs when she’s told.” Hux pulled your hands and pinned your wrists to the arms of the chair you were sitting in, holding you in place. “Why else would he be calmer unless he had you to drain the poison out of him? Does he hurt you while making you feel good? Maybe saber play got out of hand and he almost took your arm off? Lucky it wasn’t your head. But let me guess, you fucking love it when he hurts you. Because that’s what all good whores love, pet.”

Overwhelmed, your mind went into autopilot and you shut down. He was nuzzling your ear, his breath dancing with your hair, hot on your neck. Hux crooned, “Spread open for me, pet.”

You heard fabric shifting and the sound of a metal clasp releasing brought you back. Hux had unbuckled his belt and was in the process of removing it. In a hushed breath, you mumbled, “No. Not again.” You kicked his stomach and stood ready to fight. You spat furiously, “I don’t give a fuck what you think and I will not hesitate to tell Supreme Leader Snoke if I need to.”

Hux worked his jaw from side to side as he held his torso. “I’ll offer you a deal, pet. I won’t tell anyone about your assault on a member of High Command and we can continue on as if nothing happened. In exchange, you’ll feed me intelligence on Ren and his plans.”

He walked towards the door and spoke over his shoulder, “Take a moment to collect yourself. Phasma will take you back to your Master. See you soon, pet.” Hux left the room and all the air rushed back into you. After a few calming breaths, you stepped out to join Phasma and walked in silence to Ren’s quarters.

Kylo returned to find you curled up on the couch. He dropped his mask and rushed to your side. “Babe, are you okay? What’s wrong? I got worried when you didn’t meet us in the arena.” Brushing the hair out of your face to tuck behind your ear, “Talk to me. Please. What did Dr. Coi say?” He pulled you to rest in his lap, cradling you to his chest.

You were numb for several reasons. While you knew your shoulder would never fully recover, it was different to hear it from a medical professional. Then your interaction with Hux threatened to unravel all you had worked to claim for yourself. You could not let Kylo know about the offer Hux had made, nor the physical assault. Focusing your dread from his interaction into your appointment with Dr. Coi, you relayed the prognosis. Knowing that Kylo felt responsible, you reassured him he was not at fault and that you would be fine. You turned to straddle his lap, holding his face in your hands, “I’ll just have to change the definition of ‘little miss badass’ to include cooking instead of taking out bad guys.” You smiled a genuine smile that warmed your heart and hopefully his and kissed him sweetly.

“All I ask is that you don’t poison me. I can’t say no to your food.” Kylo chuckled.

A thought crossed your mind. “Hey… I know you and General Hux aren’t the best of friends.” He raised an eyebrow at you in suspicion. “What do you think his end goal is? I don’t see him wanting to stay General for the rest of his life.”

Kylo looked up in thought. “He wants power. He wants to rule and have the respect and reverence that comes along with it.” He turned back to you. “The thing is, he’d be great at it. Cunning military mind, diplomatic negotiator.”

You played with his hair, twisting it between your fingers. “Would it be so bad to… help him along his way?” You insinuated. “I know you’re tired of this. We haven’t talked about our future but you’ve made it clear, the First Order isn’t your dream anymore. I get the same vibes from the boys. Why not use him to get what we want? A way to leave.”

Pausing to rub his hand through your hair, pushing it away from your face, “And how do you think that would happen? He loathes me, I don’t see him going along with anything that would make me happy.”

A moment passed before you raised your eyebrows, “Even if he thinks it was his idea?” Kylo shifted his head inquisitively. “What if I know of a way to get information to Hux, the information we control so he thinks he can remove you from power and step into your shoes... so to speak?”

Kylo scoffs with mild irritation, “Tell me what you’re up to. I don’t like dealing with unknowns.”

You shift in his lap before you recount most of the interaction with Hux earlier. The two of you bounced possible plans back and forth for the rest of the evening. Once you had settled on the best options, it was decided the Knights will be brought up to speed tomorrow; you insisted on inviting them over for dinner again. No major decisions should be made on an empty stomach.

When the boys walked in with Kylo after a long day of training, the place smelled delicious from the bantha roast you had worked on all day, along with cheesy garlic bread and chocolate caramel cheesecake for dinner. It was not long before the table was set and everyone was ready to eat.

Gustatory groans of delight and laughter filled the room as everyone ate, truly happy and enjoying the food along with each other’s company. Once dessert had been served, Kylo shifted the conversation towards its intended topic. “What would you say to the opportunity to get away from all this?” The Knights faltered and slowly turned their heads to Kylo. “I think we may have found a way. Well, it was her idea really.” He chuckled and he poked his chin in your direction.

Six heads snap to face you at the opposite end of the table. A wide smile spreads across your face, “Hux. We use Hux to get what we want - our freedom.”

There are several groans of suspicion at the thought of putting faith in the General. It took some convincing, but you explained your plan and they were more or less on board.

Vicrul broke the heavy silence, “Even if we handle Hux as you described, there’s still a bigger problem.” He turns to Kylo, “Snoke will never let you go. How do you plan on getting around that?”

Smiling straight at you, Kylo’s voice turns dark and menacing. “We kill him.” He turns to face Vicrul before continuing. “She will work Hux into position until he’s so ravenous for power he acts out. I go to Snoke to confront the disorder in his house. Then while Snoke is focused on Hux, we dispatch him and place Hux as Supreme Leader with the condition he never bothers us again. Hux doesn’t like to get his hands dirty, and we are more than comfortable in the mud. We just have to convince him it was his idea.”

Your voice was as smooth as honey. “And I know exactly how to do it.”

Reviewing the details again, the boys seem more comfortable, bordering on excitement. Kuruk spoke up, “So here’s the real question - where do we go after all this is over? The Buzzard is recognizable all across the galaxy.”

Ap’lek chimed in not a moment after, “Plus, there will be those who refuse to accept that we will no longer be First Order puppets.” 

Cardo responded to his brother. “Then we go somewhere the First Order isn’t.”

With the wide smirk you loved so much, Kylo stated, “We go wherever we want.”   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	25. Chapter 25

_With the wide smirk you loved so much Kylo stated, “We go wherever we want.”_

__________

The plan had been finalized over dinner and it was time to put it into motion. Knowing that Hux would find some way to inconvenience you to get his side of the deal, you patiently resumed your tasks and made sure to visit the Knights during training for clothing. This provided you with a believable excuse for being out of your assignment that fed right into Hux’s paranoia.

You made sure not to keep a consistent schedule to further throw him off. After nearly two weeks, Hux found his time to collect. Phasma stopped you on the way to the arena and escorted you towards Hux’s private quarters. As with your previous interaction, Phasma did not enter and Hux requested you to join him in the living space.

It echoed what you had come to know of Kylo’s quarters but Hux had inserted his own personal style which added an extra sense of comfortability and a lived-in feel. There were more decorations and artwork than you had seen anywhere else under First Order control.

“May I offer you a cup of tea or something else to drink?” Hux offered politely. You kindly accepted a cup of hot tea but waited until he took a sip from his cup before you tasted yours. Surprisingly, Hux could make a good cup of tea.

With the hint of a smile on your face, “Thank you, General. This is delicious.” You sat the cup down and looked up to meet his eyes. The brilliant blues of his irises and narrowed pupils locked on you and did not portray any emotions. “How may I be of service to you today?” The smirk on your face challenged him.

Hux in turn sipped his tea and then set it down before speaking, “Straight to the point, I can respect that. Honestly, I did expect more foreplay but we can’t always get what we want.” He leaned back in his seat and assumed a relaxed stance. “What information do you have for me, pet?”

Feigning ignorance, “Whatever do you mean, General? Why would a lowly caretaker know anything that someone with your power doesn’t?” You crossed your ankles and rested against the arm of the chair you were in.

The groan that rumbled in his throat betrayed his composure and exposed his frustration. “Perhaps you are as stupid as I expected and you serve me no benefit after all.” You watched a pale fist clench around the arm of his seat.

Rolling your eyes playfully, “Oh General, I expected more witty banter rather than snide remarks. But I guess we can’t get everything we want.” Your eyes twinkled as you twisted his words back onto himself. “What type of information do you wish to know?”

Hux shifted to lean forward, resting his elbows on his knees, hands steepled. “Nothing you could not stand parting with. His schedule and routines, what he does in his free time, plans for the First Order, his interactions with Snoke. You know, the little things.” His grin widened.

“How do you expect me to get this information to you? It’s going to look suspicious if you keep kidnapping me while I’m performing job duties.” Turning your head in thought, feigning contemplation for a few moments, “Speaking of job duties, it may not be suspicious if I worked for you as well as Ren. I could answer your questions while under the guise of a caretaker.”

He hummed considering the statement. It was the perfect situation that you developed with the boys over two weeks ago. “That may work. Plus, that would make Ren aggravated and he’s so fun to toy with while he's having a temper tantrum.”

Looking around the room, “Plus, this place looks like it could use a good cleaning.” You goaded him, trailing a finger over the side table to your right before examining it for dust.

Examining your quick acceptance to his offer, “So you would work for Ren and myself. Spy on him and betray his secrets to me. Why would you take the chance of crossing someone who would kill you without a second thought?”

Raising an eyebrow at him you countered, “In my mind, you are just as likely to kill me as he is; Ren would do it impulsively while you would use it to show others what happens to those who betray the First Order. I very much intend to make it out of this placement alive and in one piece.” You paused to let your words sink in. “I was taught to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I hope there is a way this… partnership… could benefit everyone. Ren gets the service commanded by the Supreme Leader, you get the information you need to reach your goal, and I get to keep my life and can pursue my own happiness once this horrid mess is over with.” Taking another sip of your tea, you watched the gears turning in his head.

Hux ruminated on your statement. “So you are bartering your freedom in exchange for information? Is that your plan?” You nodded to confirm. He continued, “I suspect you have more going on in that head of yours. While I don’t have Ren’s Force powers, I have my ways of getting what I want. I can’t guarantee your freedom but I won’t stand in the way of it. That is as long as I’m satisfied with my side of this...partnership. Do we have an agreement?”

With a smile, you extended your hand to shake, finalizing your arrangement. “When do I start, boss?”

Later that night you recapped the conversation with Hux and Kylo was proud of your efforts towards a better life for all of you. You both pushed the hesitation aside and focused on the future. You lay around talking about what you want - peace and quiet, somewhere near water, far away from others, maybe a few animals.

“What do you think about kids?” You asked. Ren paused his methodical swirls on your shoulder, then quickly resumed.

Staring absentmindedly at the ceiling, “I never thought about kids. I didn’t have the best childhood and have been so focused on power and control that the possibility of a family never crossed my mind. Depending on the situation, I don’t think I’d be opposed to it. I did like it when you called me ‘daddy’ though.” He chuckled deeply and you felt his cock twitch under the cover.

You playfully swatted at his chest, “Well, why didn’t you tell me before?” Cocking an eyebrow at him, you raised to rest your weight on your forearm beside him in the large bed you shared.

Kylo shrugged. “Didn’t want it to be weird. Especially if the Knights keep calling you Ma.” He shook his head.

Moving to sit astride his hips, you leaned down and whispered in his ear, “What if I need Daddy to take care of me?” before biting and kissing his neck.

A groan vibrated in his chest and rolled into yours. Kylo gripped your hips so tight you thought it might bruise and he returned your affection, trailing kisses and love bites along your shoulders and down your chest as he pushed you to sit up. “Do you need Daddy to take care of you?” Kylo trailed a single finger down the valley of your chest, past your navel, to its destination - the knot of nerves at the apex of your thighs. “Need me to take care of this?” He swirled the pad of his finger against your clit, a ghost of a touch. You nod eagerly, trying to look as sweet and innocent as you can.

“Please Daddy… I’ve been a real good girl.” You rolled your hips against his hand, feeling him harden between your legs. A heavy sigh parted your lips and they settled into a deep pout.

The smart-ass smirk graced Kylo’s face as he sat up, gently wrapping his large hand around your throat. “I don’t think you’ve been very good at all. Daddy thinks you need a good… hard... punishment.” He punctuated the last three words with a flex of his fingers.

Sticking your bottom lip out further, you grumbled under your breath as he pushed you to lie back on the bed, “I think I’ve been very good…” and rolled your eyes.

Ren heard and saw your reaction and shook his head disapprovingly. You watched his demeanor shift from the sweet Kylo who was just curled on the bed next to you to the primal shell of a man you equally loved. “For the most part you have been a saint… but… you have also been a brat and not done as you were told.” You went to speak and he covered your mouth with the palm of his hand. “Nuh uh uh. No excuses will get you out of this.”

He settled between your open legs, baring his weight on your torso. Hotly speaking in your ear, “And if Hux thinks you’re my whore, then we better do our part to prove it.” Kylo bit roughly at the curve where your neck met with your shoulder. The placement of it could be concealed by your uniform but would peak out with movement. “I’m going to leave my mark on you so when Hux sees, he knows exactly who you belong to.” Continuing his methods of strategically marking you, he rocked his hips against your core.

Kylo had your hands pinned down with the Force so his hands could explore your body, tempting and teasing until you were writhing under his touch. The humming in his mouth electrified every sensation you felt when his lips connected with the various parts of your body.

“Please Daddy… I’ll be your good girl…” You were too far gone to care about begging. It had been weeks since you were at the mercy of his torturous animalistic affection and you wanted nothing more to stay in this bed for the rest of your life. Two beings locked together in passion and lust and love for all eternity.

You felt the smile on his lips against your skin before you heard his chuckle. “Oh babe, if you want to beg, I know that little whore mouth knows how to do better than that.”

Through more whimpers, you continued, “Please Daddy. I need you. Pleeeeaseeee… I’ll be the best girl for you. I just need you inside me. Take make. Mark me. Show Hux who I belong to and who fucks me so well.” You thrashed against the force-hold keeping you on the bed. “Daddyyyy…”

Kylo took his time exploring your body, marking your flesh with colorful bite-sized bruises and red whelps from smacking your ass and thighs. You continued begging, pleading, for him to fuck you. It felt like too much and not enough when he slid two fingers into your throbbing cunt. He chuckled as tears ran down your cheeks, “My little whore is so desperate she’s crying for me. You look so beautiful when you cry, babe.” All you could do was whine.

Knowing your limits, he didn’t push further than what he knew you could handle. Kylo read your body and could tell you were reaching your threshold. He helped to bring your body back from the edge with tender kisses and massages to the tender flesh.

When he finally split you open by slowly working his cock into you tears of pleasure formed in your eyes. The contrast from his rough affection to his tender love was mesmerizing. There were so many facets to Kylo no one took the time to learn.

Rolling his hips at a measured pace, Kylo hit your g-spot with every purposeful thrust. It wasn’t long before you both were cumming together, so in tune with the other's body.

After a few minutes of laying there and enjoying the afterglow, Kylo picked you up and carried you to the shower. He bathed you so gently and once you were dry he applied bactagel to the few bruises that were particularly bad.

Kylo carried you back to bed and got two glasses of water. He handed you one and drank half of his before he made it to his side of the bed. Kylo crawled in and snuggled up behind you, “Get some rest babe, tomorrow is the beginning of the end.” 


	26. Chapter 26

_Kylo carried you back to bed and got two glasses of water. He handed you one and drank half of his before he made it to his side of the bed. Kylo crawled in and snuggled up behind you, “Get some rest babe, tomorrow is the beginning of the end.”_

********

The next morning was a whirl. You woke up, made breakfast shakes for Kylo and yourself before completing your tasks for Kylo’s quarters. The schedule worked out for you to work for Kylo and the boys in the morning and Hux in the afternoon three days a week, giving you time to prepare evening meals for Kylo.

The tasks for home didn’t take long now that Kylo was more aware of what was involved in maintaining a space and he made more of an effort to help you keep it clean. The majority of your time was spent on mending and cleaning clothing for him and the boys. Which was fine, sewing and patching were calming to you.

You started dinner in the slow cooker before messaging Hux that you were on your way. Assuming he had the typical cleaning supplies, you didn’t grab anything to take with you.

Walking quietly with your head down, you made your way through the maze of hallways that led to Hux’s quarters. Unsure if you were to knock or what was required to enter, you stood awkwardly at the door. Finally, you raised your hand to knock but the door slid open before you touched it.

The entryway was empty so you walked towards the living space and to the laundry room. Hux had suits hanging that needed to be pressed but his clothes were already washed and dry. Still warm, you removed them and folded each item before tucking them away in his built-in closet, identical to Kylo’s but much more organized, obsessively so. This man really enjoyed a fresh uniform.

You were inspecting a lovely black General's uniform when Hux walked in. “Well, well, _pet_. I’ve caught you admiring the goods.” Turning to face him, still holding out the suit, you retorted, “The goods? I’m not so sure about that. Whoever you had to tailor this for you used the wrong stitch. It looks pretty because it’s hidden but it won’t hold up more than one or two wears. But I’m sure you’ve already found that out. Considering this has been sewed several times.” You returned the item to its place on the rack, now facing him with your arms crossed.

He smirked at your response. “ _Clever_ girl.” Hux motioned for you to follow him to the living space. “Tea?” He asked and you accepted, unable to deny his generosity and a delicious cup of tea. Patiently sitting in your chair, you listened to Hux speak while waiting on the kettle. “What else have you gotten yourself into while I was away?”

Raising an eyebrow, “I got here not long before you arrived. All I’ve done is folded the laundry and put it away.” Hux carried over a tray and passed you a cup and saucer before collecting his own. 

Now sitting across from you, “What goodies do you have for me today pet?”

Taking a few sips before answering, “I know Snoke has increased his training schedule. What they are working on, he doesn’t say. But comes back exhausted, mentally, and physically. Sometimes there are bruises, cuts, and other injuries.”

His face remained stoic, not betraying any emotions as he listened to you. He nodded slowly reflecting on your words and possible implications. “ _That’s it?_ ”

Scrunching your face, “I'm not a miracle worker, what did you expect?”

Drinking more tea, Hux examined you. Your skin crawled as his eyes scanned your body. Clearing your throat, you broke his trance and he spoke, “I do apologize for my behavior when we met. There were certain _assumptions_ on my part about your role and your purpose that I was... _incorrect_ in making.”

You only raised an eyebrow at him, saying nothing while you drank your tea. To fill the silence he continued, “I assumed since Snoke had hand-picked you personally for his _apprentice_ that you were there for more... _indecent_ reasons.

You sat your cup down on the saucer before bluntly asking, “I am not following you, Sir. What did you think I was there to do as his Caretaker if not to clean and cook?” The sickly sweet smile on your face only drove the point home.

He shifted in his seat, a physical tell of his unease with how the conversation had turned. Hux’s ice blue eyes cut through you, “You know _exactly_ what I’m talking about.”

Shifting, he was now leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees, “It was thought that Snoke plucked you out of a pleasure house to be Ren’s _slave_. To allow him to explore the _darkness_ within, to be used and abused until Ren became what the Supreme Leader needs or you die. In which case, Snoke would send the next unfortunate soul.”

Your face shifted in surprise, “That is quite the extensive theory. _Shame_ I didn’t know it before, I would have played up being the beaten and broken slave.” You brought the cup to your lips, taking a sip and lowering it again.

Hux asked for the truth, to set the story straight. A heavy sigh flowed from your lungs as you placed down your cup and saucer on the table beside you. “There is no such thing as _objective_ truth. Every person involved has a skew to the situation they are in. _But my side of the story is this_. I was raised in the orphanages and was placed in my first home and quickly taught what my role in this new society was, I am here to _serve_ in whatever way is required. Once I learned this, I was passed around by High Ranking members of the First Order who treated me however crudely they desired without fear of consequences.”

Leaning back, Hux had settled in his seat but the tension was still obvious in his overly composed posture. You continued, “So _yes_ , I’ve had many tough learned lessons. I was selected by Supreme Leader Snoke, along with a handful of others, to serve _him_. I learned my hardest lessons under his tutelage.” You paused to take a few deep breaths, you hadn’t shared the next part of the story with anyone, not even Kylo.

Collecting your inner resolve, “Supreme Leader Snoke taught us several lessons, from political prowess, social navigation, carnal pleasures, and his personal favorite, _pain tolerance_. I won’t go into the details of his methods but I assure you, he is a _very thorough_ man. Of the handful selected, _I was the sole survivor_. My reward was the placement with Kylo Ren, Snoke’s famed apprentice. I am to guide him into darkness so that Snoke can complete his training and Kylo can ascend to become Supreme Leader when the time comes.”

You had to pause and collect yourself before speaking again. The emotion was still raw in your throat from sharing so much. “That’s my truth... I’m a survivor. I am prepared for _anything_ Commander Kylo Ren or you, General Armitage Hux, throw at me because I’ve already survived the worst. I will survive this and I deserve happiness in my life, same as you. So now I ask you, what makes you happy, Armitage?”

Hux sat in silence for several minutes digesting all the information you had revealed. “Thank you for sharing such personal experiences with me. I apologize again for my behavior, I know saying _I’m sorry_ does not change anything, but I truly mean it.” He reached a hand towards you, requesting to hold it. Respectfully, you offered your hand and he brought it to his lips for a quick peck, a sign of contrition and gentleness from a man you didn’t think was capable of such things. Placing your hand back on your knee, he spoke again, “You asked what makes me happy. I’m afraid that is not a simple question. I need context.”

You rolled your eyes at his stubbornness, “If you have to think of happiness in terms of context, you’re doing it wrong.” Chuckling to yourself more so than to him, “What do you want out of life, Tiggy? A spouse, family, pets or does your ambition focus on career advancement and your role in the First Order?”

He scoffed at the nickname, _Tiggy_ , to which you snorted, “What? You call me _pet_ , I get to call you _Tiggy_ unless you want me to come up with something animal-related.”

Holding up his hands in defeat, “ _No, no, no_ … I’ll deal with… _Tiggy_.” His lip grimaced as he said the sobriquet. Mumbling under his breath, “My parents would be rolling in their graves if they heard that.” which caused a burst of rousing laughter to erupt from your mouth. The irony of Hux speaking of his father's grave when he was the reason the man was in one in the first place was not lost on you.

Hux worked his mouth while he thought. “Career advancement is always an interest, but being third in line doesn’t really leave many options when a successor is already established. A pet wouldn’t be horrible. But I hate the idea of hair decorating my clothing.”

You laughed, “A hairless tooka then?” Trying to hide his interest, Hux swirled his tea. Seizing the opportunity you leaned forward, “What would you say to getting a lovely little hairless tooka in each exchange for helping me _out_?” You wagged your eyebrows enticingly.

“Out? You mean….” Hux’s tone was sharp.

“ _Out_ out. Out of the First Order. I’m tired of serving others' needs before my own. I want my own life.” You explained. It might have been risky putting everything out in the open so early but it felt like the right thing to do in the moment.

Shaking his head, “There is no escaping the First Order. There is no getting out. You’re delusional.” That was something you could work with.

“I don’t think that’s true. I choose to believe that’s not true.” You stood up and walked over to him. Kneeling next to him, your face below his, “It’s not in my nature to want something for myself. That’s been beaten out of me, literally. I am on my knees asking you for help, something I’ve never done. Armitage, please, _help me_.”

His eyes squinted as he read your face, your sincerity before he spoke. “How can I help you? Wouldn’t Ren be the better fit to grant your freedom?”

You sighed, hesitation forming a knot in your throat. “I fear the Supreme Leader is pushing him too far. He hasn’t been his normal self, even the Knights seem different when I pick up and drop off clothing. He spends most of his time in the quarters meditating. He is barely eating. His clothes are more and more tattered each time he returns. I do my best to tend to his wounds because the last med droid that was sent was sliced to pieces.” If there was an award for acting you would win it for the performance you just put on.

“I’ve done my service to the Supreme Leader but I’m scared he will never let me go. So you’re my only hope.”

The groundwork was now set. Hux would be suspicious of Kylo’s every move, reading frailty into every action and decision. He would have to approach Snoke with his concerns and Kylo would be _dealt with_ and Hux could become Commander and eventually Supreme Leader.

Hux quickly evaluated the situation and how it would benefit him. Deciding the political advantage was a better trade than a tooka, Hux agreed to help but told you it was only for the cat. He kept his darker plans to himself until the time was right.

Over the next few weeks, your schedule to be Caretaker for Hux three days a week provided you with ample opportunities to stoke the flames of his desire for power. Kylo followed your lead and was more erratic during High Command meetings, trained harder with the Knights to provide the physical evidence of his ‘decline’, and helped you to craft each step.

Unfortunately for this to work, you had to distance yourself from Kylo and the boys, now you only saw them at drop off and pick up in the arena with limited time to talk. While Kylo still lived in the quarters you shared, you had begun sleeping in your room again at his request. Kylo had given you a black metal bracelet, a single thin band. A reminder that no matter what happened, he was with you. You had to remind yourself several times, this would be worth it in the end, often running your thumb over the cool surface with tears in your eyes. 


	27. Chapter 27

Unfortunately for this to work, you had to distance yourself from Kylo and the boys, now you only saw them at drop off and pick up in the arena with limited time to talk. While Kylo still lived in the quarters you shared, you had begun sleeping in your room again at his request. Kylo had given you a black metal bracelet, a single thin band. A reminder that no matter what happened, he was with you. You had to remind yourself several times, this would be worth it in the end, often running your thumb over the cool surface with tears in your eyes.

********

Your life had returned to what it was when you first arrived at this placement. You only entered the main quarters when Kylo wasn’t there, ate your meals alone, and threw away most of his food as he ate less and less as the weeks lead on. There were several times you wanted to go to him, to reassure yourself and him that things were okay, that you both would survive this and it would be worth it. Even if you weren’t so sure anymore.

A momentary reprieve from your miserable existence presented itself once you received notification of a shipment arrival; that could only mean one thing. During your shift at Hux’s quarters that day, you placed two small bowls on the floor in the dining space centered on a fish-shaped mat. As agreed several weeks prior, Kylo had made the arrangement for a hairless tooka cat to be delivered to his quarters and you would take it over once all your tasks had been completed.

With a smile on your face, you entered Kylo’s quarters and found a small black carrier containing a tooka making cute meows, asking for attention. You opened the lid and pulled the small animal into your arms. It was hairless and wrinkly with bright blue eyes, just like her new daddy. Cooing at it affectionately, you scratched behind its large ears before returning it to the carrier. Off you went back to Hux’s room to complete the introductions.

The cart you pulled held food, toys, bedding, an automatic waste box, and the documentation of adoption with safe transport. Before you settled in the living space, you placed the pet bed down in the bedroom and the waste box in the bathroom. You sat on the floor and opened the carrier, allowing the tooka to explore at their comfort while you reviewed the documentation, “You’re a little girl huh? I wonder what he will name you. Come here kip kip.” Jingling a toy with a bell, you caught her attention and she crouched around the edge of the couch, stalking the feathery toy as you bounced it side to side.

The hiss of the door startled the little thing and she scampered under the closest chair. “This is a pleasant surprise, I was not expecting you to still be here. Is there something wrong?” Hux asked as he took off his jacket and kicked off his shoes, noticing you on the floor.

You smiled up at him, “Today is full of surprises then. I come bearing gifts.” Your chin shifted towards the pet supplies and his eyes widened, looking around the room. “Come sit down.” You patted beside you on the floor which he quickly did. Passing off the toy, you showed him where she was hiding and encouraged him to help lure her out. “She’s right over there.”

“She? She’s a girl?” He whispered reverently; you nodded with a smirk. Hux bounced the toy grinning like a fool as he watched her shimmy her hind end and pounced on her prey. Chuckling together while watching her play with the plethora of toys, she soon tired and came over to crawl up against Hux, kneading his leg before curling up into a circle. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that he was just as smitten as she was. “Millicent. Milli for short.” He rubbed her head as he spoke her name.

Rising to leave, “Her food is in the lower cabinet in the kitchen, serving instructions on the side. Keep fresh water out at all times, bowls are there. She has a pet bed in your bedroom and her waste box is in your bathroom. It’s automatic so you just need to change canisters every couple of days rather than scooping every day.” He nodded attentively but didn’t take his eyes off of the tooka in his lap. “Congratulations.” You smiled genuinely, knowing Milli would have a better life than most in the universe.

Making your way towards the door, Hux spoke over his shoulder, “Thank you. This is… wonderful.” You nodded your farewell, finally seeing the tired look in his eyes and worn-down expression that pulled at his face, and walked back towards Kylo’s quarters. You settled on the couch with a cup of tea, debating the next phase of the plan. It would get worse before it got better, you knew this, _you agreed to this,_ but it was still hard to do.

The foundation had been laid. Despite your care, Kylo had withdrawn into himself, presenting the appearance of wasting away, losing weight and muscle mass. He was meditating more and sleeping less which caused you to stay in your room more often than not.

Additionally, he destroyed more droids and injured any ‘troopers who bothered him. He was volatile during High Command meetings, making decisions most didn’t agree with and going against the majority insight, Force choking or throwing those who spoke against him until no one spoke at all.

His eyes were dark and sunken, his body now lean and scattered with bruises and other wounds from training and battles he insisted on leading himself. In turn, the Knights were also carrying the burden. They became more ghoulish rather than the highly disciplined Force Users you had come to know. A hidden part of you feared that he really had fallen into darkness, no longer pretending.

The incendiary incident to ignite the final stage would happen soon. The plan was to botch the next mission, providing the last push for Kylo. He would attack his brothers, turn against the only men who were truly loyal to him. A public display of how detached he had become. After that, Hux would have to act. He would have no other choice but to confront Snoke.

Two days later, the Night Buzzard docked to the ship, and you were notified of their arrival.

The shuffle of Stormtroopers by the door caught your attention. The next alert requested all non-mandatory staff members to return to their quarters and remain on lockdown until further notice. Despite the warning, you left the quarters, you needed to know what was going on. The sounds of a fight could be heard before anyone was in sight, only causing the masses to flee faster. From the upper deck, you could see Kylo surrounded by his Knights and your heart hurt. This wasn’t real but it still felt like a betrayal.

Kylo lashed out towards Vicrul, “Traitor!” He bellowed between swings of his saber, using the Force to hold the others at bay. He was covered in sweat and blood, both from the mission and from the fight with his brothers.

Ap’lek tried to speak reason, to convince his Master that he was being used and manipulated. That his strength was a falsehood, only given to him by Snoke and could be taken away just as easily. After cutting down Vicrul with a vicious slice across his chest, Kylo turned to Ap’lek, extending his arm and flexing his fingers towards the second strongest Force User. Ap’lek roared in pain as Kylo constricted the Force around him. Perhaps it was your imagination, but you saw a tear fall from Kylo’s eye as he clenched his fist, Ap’lek fell lifelessly to the ground.

At that, the remaining four men advanced at once. Kylo aggressively kept them away with considerable strength, both with his physicality and with the Force. It was clear he could beat them at full strength, but after the mission and fighting two others he was starting to slow, his strikes grew less precise. As Cardo held Kylo’s attention, Trudgen tackled him from the side, dragging them both to the ground. Instantly, Cardo, Kuruk, and Ushar joined them, hands on Kylo in an attempt to drain the Force from him. With a few long moments of struggle, they had succeeded. Kylo lay sprawled unconscious at their feet and you fought the urge to run to him, to openly sob as you were overcome with emotions. You had to leave, had to get away from this.

Kuruk stomped from the loading bay and you ran to meet him towards the arena. With a hoarse voice, “Kuruk…” you yelled. “What’s happening to him? Are Ap’lek and Vicrul...” You couldn’t say the words. This wasn’t part of the plan, you couldn’t feel their signatures in the Force and refused to accept the possibility.

“Hush now.” Kuruk wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a side supply room for privacy. “Hey… hey, look at me.” He wiped the tears from your eyes. “Listen. Kylo has snapped. I think he wore the mask so long that he now believes it. I hate to say it… you need to go to Hux. He will keep you safe while we deal with Kylo. Snoke is on the way. He will deal with him tonight.” Even through the vocoder, you could hear the pain in his voice.

Shaking your head, “No. No Kuruk. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. This wasn’t the plan! Let me go to him, I can bring him back. I can’t lose him!” You were sobbing again, yelling your words as if they would change anything. Bile rose in your throat, you felt sick, the impossible had happened. Snoke had won.

The commotion from the loading bay was growing louder. Kuruk ordered, “Go. Now. We will come to you when it’s over.” With that, he left, stalking back towards his brothers, to drag their former Master into a Force cell until Snoke arrived.

You ran to Hux’s quarters without looking back. If you did you would lose your resolve to do as you were told. As the door hissed shut behind you, you fell to the floor and cried. Inconsolable in your defeat and loss of the only man you had ever loved, the one who convinced you that life was worth living. You couldn’t imagine a life without him.

While wallowing in your sorrows, Milli slowly approached. She was bigger now. Amazed at how quickly they grew, you almost didn’t recognize her. She chirped at you, nuzzling her head under your hand for pets. The soft fuzz of fur was surprising. “What is this?” You said aloud, picking her up to see that orange fuzz had started to grow all over her body. “They shaved a tooka.” Uncontrollable laughter rolled from you, startling Milli and causing her to run away. An image filled your head with Hux lint rolling everything in his apartment to dispose of the odd orange hair that would undoubtedly find its way into every nook and cranny. You laughed harder and it morphed back into crying with the realization that you didn’t want to leave, not without Kylo, and that no longer seemed like an option.

Several hours later, after you had fallen asleep on the floor by the door, the sound of it opening awoke you. You were presented with two pairs of boots. Looking higher, you saw two Praetorian Guards dressed head to toe in red shrouds, marked with splatters of darker red, evidence of Snoke’s wrath. One spoke but you couldn’t listen to the voice, “Snoke has summoned you.” Shaking your head in disbelief, you wouldn’t go back to him, you’d rather die than see him gloat in his victory.

You ran deeper into the quarters only to be snatched back with a cruel grip in your hair. Both men grabbed an arm and dragged you towards the one being in the universe you truly feared.

Resigning yourself to the fate you always knew was yours, you hung your head in submission. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at the end, my friends. Enjoy!

Resigning yourself to the fate you always knew was yours, you hung your head in submission.

********

Two grand doors opened into a red room you had not seen before. To your right, Kylo was restrained with Force binders surrounded by two Praetorian guards. Snoke was directly ahead, seated highly on his throne with Hux kneeling at the base of the pedestal. The rest of the guard flanked the room joined by the Knights of Ren.

“Welcome child. It has been too long.” Snoke purred. You were dropped behind Hux and remained on your knees, resting against your heels with your hands on the floor and your head facing down, Snoke’s favorite pose. “Congratulations are in order.” You knew to wait, if he wanted you to move, he would move you. On cue, the Force wrapped around your body and lifted you to stand, tilting your head to now look at him. “You have served me well and fulfilled your purpose.”

He descended from his seat and walked to you. A clawed mangled hand cupped your cheek, “Thank you, Master. It is my honor to serve you.” The rote response had been burned into your mind during your previous training.

Snoke continued his circle around you, “Rise Hux. You have come to me with troubling information. My apprentice, Heir Apparent to Lord Vader, Kylo Ren, has succumbed to the dark side. He has lost himself and is unfit to rule in my stead. Is this true?” His twisted arm wrapped around your shoulders.

Hux was standing with his hands behind his back, indignation on his face at the Supreme Leader's recognition of you before himself. His voice was smooth and controlled, “That is correct; he is unfit to lead with the composure required. Ren has become reckless, unrestrained. Today he attacked his own men, those who survived were able to restrain him and brought him here for your judgment.” His hand fanned out to illustrate Kylo kneeling with his hands clasped together resting on his thighs.

Humming in thought, Snoke used a fingernail to draw circles along your arm. “Very astute Hux. My apprentice is fueled by the darkness in his soul. But where you perceive recklessness, I see strength. Where you see evidence of unrestrained chaos, I see unrefined power. He is still learning to control that power but it won’t be much longer now.” Turning his mouth to your ear, “Go to him, child. _Help him._ ”

Granted permission, you walked towards Kylo, Hux looked around befuddled, “Sir. My apologies, I d- don’t understand.”

You knelt in front of Kylo, using a gentle hand to lift his head, “Hey, come on now. Look at me.” His face was bloody with cuts to his brow and lips, bruises blooming under the pale skin. You looked deep into his eyes, desperate for any sign that he was still the man you had grown to care for. He looked back with dead eyes, unfocused, with no indication of emotion. “No… _no, no_.” You patted his face trying to get him to focus on you but he was too far gone, too far into the darkness. You had failed him.

Snoke’s voice rang through the air, “My apprentice is ready for his final test. He has proven his loyalty to me by killing the men he called brothers.” The remaining Knights fell to the floor writhing in pain from the Force that Snoke wielded. It was eerily silent even though their bodies contorted in odd angles. “Rise Lord Commander Ren. Complete your training. Fulfill the Vader legacy.” The shackles fell to the floor and Kylo rose to his full height with a blank face, leaving you on the floor.

“Yes, Master.” A familiar voice spoke with a warmth that you didn’t expect to hear. The reverence he once held for you was now gifted to Snoke, his true Master. You tried to look at his face but he had already walked past you, advancing on Hux.

Stammering out sounds but no coherent words, Hux tried to flee but was caught by Kylo’s brutal hands. The ghost of the man you loved grabbed Hux’s throat, squeezing until his face shifted from red to blue to a disturbing purple once he stopped thrashing. Kylo discarded the limp body off to the side and walked up to kneel before his Master. “Thank you for your many lessons. I would not be where I am without you.” He looked up to face Snoke directly.

Two mangled hands clapped together in victory. Snoke moved to stand beside Kylo, summoning him to stand. “Now, what do we do with you?” He turned to face you, using the Force to pull you to rest at their feet. “She does look so pretty like this. Such a good little slave. It was her, you know. Who I sent to help your descent into darkness. I trained her myself; shaped her into exactly what you would need. I didn’t think she’d survive you though.” His thumb trailed across your lips, stealing the air from your lungs. As your vision tunneled, your eyes settled on Kylo. If you were going to die, you would rather it be by his hand. Snoke sensed this thought and laughed breathlessly. Moments before you slipped into unconsciousness Snoke released the Force hold on you. “Finish her and be done with it. We leave for Exogol tonight.” He waved a hand and turned back to his throne.

Kylo lifted you up with the Force to stand on your own two feet as you collected your breath. In a whisper, “I’m sorry… for everything.” Unable to say all the words you wanted, you closed your eyes and accepted your fate, knowing no matter the path your journey took it would always end by his hand.

You heard the crackle of his fiery lightsaber ignite. Waiting for the searing pain, it never came. Instead, you felt a pull on your arm, forcing you to the ground and you heard the shuffle of armor and weapons. Daring to open your eyes, you watched the Praetorian attack the fallen Knights before advancing on Kylo who had just cut down Snoke, cleaving his body in two with a deadly swing. Fear choked you, unable to scream, unable to comprehend what was happening.

A hand pulled you from the floor but your mind was gone, unable to handle anymore. It wasn’t until you were set down that you realized you were sitting on someone. More specifically, in Kylo’s lap on Snoke’s throne. The Praetorian guard flanked him on either side. You couldn’t make sense of anything so you focused on Kylo’s face.

Gone was the darkness you had seen earlier, now replaced with love and happiness. He rested his forehead against yours. “We did it.”

Shaking your head in disbelief, “What? What are you talking about? This isn’t it.” You turned to face Hux’s body on the floor.

Instead, you found him swiping his hair back into place and walking towards the two of you. “You know I hate it when you Force sleep me.” He said gruffly, rubbing a hand over his throat.

Kylo chuckled, “Yeah, but it was that or _actually_ kill you. I chose the former but we can change that.” Hux waved his hand to dismiss the second option.

Pushing yourself away from Kylo. “What in the actual fuck is going on?!”

The Red Knights removed their helmets, revealing the six men you called family, and your heart caught in your throat. Stumbling from the high pedestal the throne was situated on, you ran to them. They walked in for a group hug, each speaking reassurances as you cried, desperate to touch every single one until you knew they were real. You were feeling stronger by the moment now surrounded by your family. With tears on your face, you turned back to Kylo, “You did it? It’s really done?”

He nodded, “With a little help from my friends.” You were still lost but it didn’t matter; the boys were alive, Kylo belonged to no one but himself, and your freedom was within grasp. Kylo caught you as you ran to him, pulling you in for a desperate kiss.

Coming up for air, “I thought I lost you.” He shook his head while rubbing his nose against yours.

“There were parts of the plan you couldn’t know. We didn’t know how much Snoke had control of you. To be safe, you knew some but the real plan was developed later.” You wanted to slap him but you knew he was right; you felt like a fool for not thinking of it before. “I apologize for deceiving you. I intend to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. The bracelet…” you lifted your hand to find it missing. “While it was a reminder of me, it was also a Force blocker. We hoped that if you couldn’t sense the Force it would help keep Snoke in the dark and allow you to have genuine reactions when you couldn’t feel our signatures. I’m sorry.”

The pained look in his eyes showed you everything you needed to know. It was hurtful but necessary to survive. You chose to focus on the fact that everyone was alive and together instead. “When I pushed you back down, I released it. It could only be done with my handprint.” Looking, you saw a shiny speck across the room where it lay discarded.

Hux cleared his throat. “Not to change the subject but you can catch her up later, time is wasting.” Pulling his datapad from a jacket pocket, Hux tapped a few buttons. “There. Video surveillance has been deleted along with the backups, there is no evidence other than what we decide to tell. The story we create of the Final Order. May I propose for your humble consideration; with Kylo’s descent into the dark side of the Force, Snoke grew jealous of his power and was not ready to give up the throne just yet. When Ren refused his command for more training, Snoke became enraged, using the Force against his apprentice that ultimately turned back on himself, causing his own death. The fact he is in two pieces with saber burns is irrelevant. With Ren now being the one making decisions, he decided to explore the full depths of his power and passed command of the Final Order to me, their last Supreme Leader, so that you could scour the galaxy for information with your merry bunch of mongrels to live out the rest of your days consumed with the Force instead of controlling the chaos of government. We all know I’m better suited for it anyway.” Hux concluded with a wicked smile and a bow like he was on a stage and had just given a performance.

Trudgen spoke up, “That’s a lot of words to say, ’shit happened, I’m in charge, Ren is a free man.’ Gingy.” The others laughed.

“Oh brother, you are a man of few words but when you speak it really drives the point home. Can we get out of here yet? I don’t like this red look.” Kuruk croaked as Cardo wrapped an arm around the back of his neck.

Teasingly, Cardo replied, “I dunno. I think we could add some red to our color palette.” while pulling him towards the door.

Vicrul looked up to Kylo, “This is it. It really happened.”

Kylo walked down to join the others while holding your hand. “Yes, brother. We are free.” Yelling over his shoulder as everyone continued walking out, “Have fun ruling the universe Hux!” The laughter echoed in the room until the doors opened, light outlining the eight throwing tall shadows on the ground.

Hux ascended and placed his hand on the arm of the throne, touching it in disbelief. “I did it, Dad.” He lifted the long tail of his jacket before sitting down. He shifted uncomfortably from one side to the other, “Well, this just won’t do. The first thing I’m doing is getting a new chair, plus a place for Milli.” His jaw dropped in anguish, “It’s past her dinner time, she must be starving.” He quickly walked from the room, ordering the Stormtroopers he summoned to dispose of the mess (bodies included) and to say nothing to anyone. He would work on the announcement _after_ feeding Millicent.

The newly free family collected their belongings and headed to the Buzzard. Kylo held his mask one last time before placing it beside his grandfathers in the ash shrine.

Walking up the ramp to their ship, everyone dropped their bags and headed towards the cockpit. Kuruk asked, “Where are we going first?” as he moved through start-up controls.

The men looked around before settling their gaze on Kylo in the co-pilot seat, you standing behind him massaging his shoulders. “What are you looking at me for? I’m not in charge anymore. You decide.” He clapped Ushar on the back as he rose to stand, picking you up as he left and made his way to your room. “All I want to do right now is sleep with you in my arms. I’ve missed you.” He placed kisses all over your face. “And I’m really fucking exhausted. I may sleep for a few days while they planet jump.”

You kissed him back, “There isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be. I love you.”

A warm smile formed on his lips, the corners of his eyes wrinkled with his adoration for you, “I know.” You playfully popped his chest, jaw open in shock of his cockiness. He rolled his eyes playfully, “Fine…” Kylo put you down so that he could hold both of your hands. Peering deep into your eyes, he whispered against your lips, “I love you too.” 


End file.
